Adventures in Babysitting: More Discovery Channel and less Elisabeth Shue

Earlier this week, my sister generously agreed to babysit – including putting the two critters to bed. I think we all get in our routines and so familiar with our kids that we forget what it’s like for someone else walking in to the frontier. The next day my sister emailed me the below story and frankly, getting the Aunt’s perspective is hilarious. While we can agree that her evening was less this (anyone else forget Vincent D’Onofrio was in that movie?):

fabulous movie

It seems she instead felt her evening was a little more surviving in the African plains:

More Darwinian...less Hollywood...Chez moi. Photo Credit: Medford Taylor

Below is her account of surviving a night in the ‘burbs alone with two kids savages:

The gazelle was trapped. Hunted all night by the 3-year-old red-headed wildebeest.

The gazelle was exhausted and scared. 

She took refuge on the couch, her eyes darted around her unfamiliar surroundings and she dared not stir from her seat for fear of waking the beast. But wait..it can’t be! The wildebeest has awoken! The gazelle is frozen in fear. Should she pretend not to notice the tuft of red hair poking around the wall?

Should she slide off the couch, crawl across the floor and approach from behind?

Anyone else considered the army crawl out of a room to escape the sight of a toddler who won't stay in bed?

 

No, said the gazelle. She will approach head on: Face to face with her opponent.
And showdown begins.

Slowly the gazelle approaches.  The red-headed wildebeest stares intently. Her blue eyes begging for the gazelle to make a move. The gazelle gives only a nod of recognition and stares back. The wildebeest, cloaked in the latest spiderman costume, makes the first move. A slight smile, or is it a smirk, crosses her face.

The gazelle, taken off guard, hesitates.  She smiles back as she desperately thinks of a way out.  If she speaks, she runs the risk of the red-headed beast opening her mouth in rage and awakening the elder of the wildebeests. If she lunges at the beast and attempts to corral her back to her cave she surely will be faced with this same situation again. 

How to out-wit her opponent? Surely she has age, life experience and size, on her side?

Ah ha! The gazelle has an idea. 

There is nothing more coveted in the world of the red-headed wildebeest than playtime in the shiny yellow Mini Cooper. The gazelle holds the key to coveted treasure. Should she use this bribe to tame the beast?

Yes!

And so she speaks. In a strong, clear, confident voice, the gazelle negotiates time in the shiny yellow mini in exchange for the beast retreating to her cave.  A moment of silence. Has the beast bought it??  Will the gazelle survive the night without more fear?  Victory! 

The red-headed wildebeest lowers her head in defeat and accepts the future offer. High on the sweet taste of victory, the gazelle picks up the red-headed wildebeest and carries her to her cave. She sings songs about future playtime in the shiny yellow mini and rocks the beast to sleep. As she lays the beast in her blankets and says good night, the gazelle thinks she sees a small smile cross the face of the beast.  The victory may have been hers tonight but the gazelle has learned that she can never underestimate the power of the 3-year-old red-headed wildebeest.

For more adventures in babysitting & survival of the fittest tips, be sure to “Like” the Wired Momma Facebook page.

Juggling Moms – is there a Shangri-La to work and life?

The law does not mandate work-life balance,” nor does it “require companies to ignore and stop valuing ultimate dedication, however unhealthy that may be for family life,” said Judge Preska this summer regarding the Bloomberg discrimination against pregnant and working mothers case.

“There’s no such thing as work-life balance,” Mr. Welch told the Society for Human Resource Management’s Conference a few years ago. “There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.”

“Once you get off the escalator, you don’t get back on,” said my investor relations professor in graduate school, to a room filled with 20-something women who were eager to achieve career success and planned on eventually having children. We all looked nervously at each other after hearing what this woman, a wildly successfully IR PR professional for a Fortune 500 company, a Northwestern University graduate school professor and mother, had to say to us so very bluntly. Could she be right, we all worried?

Each of these statements are harsh, unforgiving, blunt and brutal. But are they wrong? Among the world of Type A, educated, successful, intelligent women, in this eternal quest for “balance” and “juggling” – are we creating expectations that just aren’t realistic?

Please tell me that this isn't what I look like handling my life

Balance implies equal parts, right? Juggling, well aside from the fact that creepy circus clowns are the only people who actually juggle, isn’t the idea of juggling meant to be fun? You’ve mastered a sport, you are having fun, you are showing off your talents. Do any of these things sound remotely like what it is like to have a career and a family?

Not in my experience.

Welch might hail from an 80s-era business philosophy of good-old boys and face-time in the office, things that we are slowly chipping away at with time and technology but is his statement actually antiquated and incorrect? I don’t think so. We individually decided to have children knowing that it would change our lives forever and dramatically. And from my almost 6 years in, the biggest consequence is not the lack of sleep, the unwanted lines appearing on my face, the amount of time I’ve spent cleaning hynies or even having to say that word, or wasted hours watching the same “Backyardigans” episode on repeat. The biggest consequence is the fundamental change in my career.

But I don’t view it as a permanent one or that I’ve been victimized in the work place. I actually disagree with my grad school professor that once you get off the escalator you can’t get back on. But it would be naive for me to think I’d get back on in the same spot and continue on the same path. The thing is, if I wanted that, I wouldn’t have stepped off.

Ultimately, we can “mommy track” ourselves and have more time to see our kids after school, take them to playdates, get them to the doctors when they are sick, volunteer in class and all these other things that happen during the business day. What I don’t understand is why this is viewed as a bad thing instead of the reality of choosing to create more time for our kids, to the detriment of our career.

Or, we can remain on the upward trajectory of high-achieving business success, the kind that shatters glass ceilings. And in making that choice, we know that someone else will spend more time raising our children than we are. But that is our decision. I guess what I’m saying is I don’t disagree with Welch and I don’t disagree with Judge Preska. Ask someone without children how they feel about working parents getting promoted above them if the working parent spends fewer hours in the office, travels less, and comes in late more?  Those people don’t care about our reasons because we decided to have the family.

Doesn't she look confident and in charge?

The good news is I think that we don’t need to be making final and ultimate decisions right now. I think the work place has evolved into an arena where you can stay in the game, take on less, but in time, ramp back up. I think that instead of spending our time on this eternal quest for the shangri-la of motherhood, the ultimate in work-life balance, we need to do what we talked about a few weeks ago -see the whole picture – see that there are ebbs and flows to life and own our decisions, be proud of them, and be at peace with the consequences of them. So may of us have periods of work intensity but perhaps it can follow with a period that is more family focused, we can get promoted but then maybe we want to remain at that level for longer than our pre-children selves imagined we would. We can try to stay home, realize we don’t like it, and return to work with more vigor and dedication than we had before but with a peace of mind that we are proud of this decision because we’ve tried the other way. We step off the escalator and let our future selves worry about how and when we get back on, knowing the financial implications this brings to our household.

I firmly believe that what makes you “supermom” is owning your decision, recognizing the consequences and accepting the reality that you can’t give it all to both. “Balance” is for the birds, as my mom would say. Own it, be realistic about the consequences, realize life constantly changes and be proud of it.

What do you think? Is there such thing as work-life balance? Can you be wildly successful at work and also have “enough” time with your kids? Do you think you can step off the elevator and get back on?

Review of Disney on Ice: 100 Years of Magic

With Jiminy Cricket on the ice while the lyrics of “When You Wish Upon a Star” bounced around the arena and the soft glow of Cinderella’s castle in the background, I can tell you that my girls discovered their happy place in their seats at the Verizon Center. We were practically sitting on Main Street of Disney, to be honest.  Last night, we were lucky enough to attend opening night of Feld Entertainment’s  Disney on Ice 100 Years of Magic and it certainly didn’t disappoint. In fact, for parts of the show, my 6-year-old was literally hopping in her seat because she couldn’t contain herself while my 3-year-old commenced a rare almost 60 minutes of sitting frozen in awe, prior to the intermission.

It was so worth the wait....for the final act of Lion King

With an opening act of Aladdin, including a rink filled with dancing blue genies, a pre-intermission finale of retro fav (for all of us 80s kids) It’s A Small World including the Disney light parade – except on ice- and a final act of Lion King before the grand finale – it’s safe to say two hours flew by in a heartbeat at Verizon Center last night. What this year’s Disney on Ice show does best is this: celebrate how well-rounded Disney is and reminds us why Disney appeals to all children, boys and girls alike. Last night’s acts were brief and princess light, leaving room for every kid to see their favorite Disney character. In the first act, the show swiftly and easily moves from Aladdin to Nemo to Mickey and Minnie to Beauty and the Beast, an interval with all the Princesses, Toy Story and concludes with It’s a Small World (a favorite ride for anyone else back in 1986?).

Hands down I loved the costumes in the Finding Nemo part, as did my eldest. The sharks really were so creatively designed and while I had a penchant for the hammerhead shark, my eldest took to the big shark. Somehow I always like it when my kids like the nemesis in a Disney show more than the main characters, maybe I’m a little twisted. But how the two dancers could coordinate moving around in that enormous shark costume, let alone the rear dancer’s ability to pick up the front dancer at one point, escapes me entirely (probably part of the reason I was in a seat and not on the ice). Both my girls were especially excited when Belle entered the ice because I was lucky enough to interview the performer who skates as Belle and Nala last week – and both girls listened intently to our interview. More on that in a bit….

The Toy Story scene came in as a close second for our favorite part of the first act. The green soldiers’ coordinated ice dancing, along with the individual moves of the head soldier, who clearly would be the guy to go clubbing with, really caught our attention. I am no expert in costume design but the shiny green material, including covering their faces, was a nice change of pace from the more classic ice dancing costume we typically see during shows.

Here’s where I enter my one complaint with the Disney on Ice evening shows – why do they start so late? Last night’s performance started at 7:30, intermission an hour later, with the show wrapping up by 9:30. Given the kids who are most interested in seeing Disney on Ice shows are pretty little still – it is just too late to start and so late to end. We have a hardcore Lion King fan in our house, who happens to be 3-years-old. There was no chance we were leaving the show before we saw Lion King, which clearly is held over until the very end because most people have hardcore Lion King fans in their house, but let me tell you, by then this little fan was out of gas and was motionless not because she was entranced but because she was just exhausted.  While the second act was just as brilliantly executed as the first act, what was disappointing for me was seeing my kids run out of steam and just lose the energy to react in the same way as through the first act. Feld…any shot at earlier start times for the evening shows? Given then abundance of epic meltdowns I heard all through the halls of the Verizon Center as we were leaving, I’m confident we aren’t alone in this feeling.

So about the Second Act….Pinocchio is the first story to open the act and I found myself deeply appreciative of the emphasis on some of the Disney classics throughout the show. And again, the enormous whale that makes his way on stage to swallow Geppetto and Pinocchio, how do they do it? Brilliantly executed special effects and innovative costumes on ice is something that is easy to overlook because you get lost in the story but I think is one of the highlights of these Feld productions. Mulan, again with a big bright orange dragon, follows Pinocchio and then came our favorite superheroes, The Incredibles. I appreciated the humor infused in the Incredibles scene with the “I’m too sexy” dance but frankly, I was preoccupied with how not-flattering the costumes are on athletes who are otherwise very thin and fit people. Note to self – don’t dress as an Incredible for Halloween next year despite my obvious super powers.

And then, at long last, wise old Rafiki appeared on stage, followed soon after by Pumbaa and Timon, and I knew there would be peace in my house for a while because my daughter’s best friends had arrived. Simba and Nala embark on one of the most beautifully choreographed dances of the show but I know my little one was too busy gazing at her worry-free best friends to take note of the talented ice skating and creative  lion costumes performing in front of her. 

With a finale that no one can deliver like Disney, including every performer and fireworks, I’m certain that everyone left the show feeling that their money was very well spent. If you haven’t done so already, with the long weekend ahead of us, I’d encourage you to purchase some tickets for this show.  Tickets can be purchased at all Ticketmaster outlets via charge, by phone at 800-551-SEAT, via www.ticketmaster.com and at the Verizon Center box office.
 
Show Times:
·         Thursday, February 16th @ 10:30 a.m. and 7:30 p.m.
·         Friday, February 17th @ 7:30 p.m.
·         Saturday, February 18th @ 11:00 a.m., 2:30 p.m. and 6:30 p.m.
·         Sunday, February 19th @ 12:30 p.m. and 4:30 p.m.
·         Monday, February 20th @ 12:30 p.m. (President’s Day)

Finally, as I mentioned earlier, last week I was lucky enough to interview Marina Bystryakova, who performs in this show as Belle and later as Nala. She hails from Lipetsk, Russia and began ice skating when she was four-years-old. I’ve always wondered about the performers in these shows and what their lives might be like, so if you’re as nosy and curious as me, Marina answered my questions. First, I quizzed her on when she began skating and what age she thinks is the right age for kids to start ice skating lessons, as I wrestle with this in my own household. Though Marina, who grew up with a mother who was a figure skating coach, began at age four, she said ages 6-7 is when you can really first begin to see results and you can tell “right away” if they’re good. Marina said she competed in Russian National championships and then connected with Feld Entertainment when she started University. She was a young 17 when she began skating with Disney on Ice and managed to complete her university degree in six years while touring.

Clearly I sit there and marvel over how they skate so beautifully in these costumes and Marina said “with lots of practice and you get used to it, you just become the character you play.” With such an international cast, naturally I wonder how long they prepared for these tours and surprisingly, Marina said just for about 2-4 weeks before the show starts. Many of the skaters have been touring for years, so she  noted the new skaters typically have more rehearsals.

She wouldn’t commit to enjoying performing as one character more than the other, she said she really enjoys both Belle and Nala, but personally, I thought her costume as Nala and her dance with Simba was so well choreographed, that it won hands down in my book over the Belle scene.

Bottom line – the show is well worth your time and money – and the kids will be entranced.

Disclosure: I was gifted the tickets by Feld Entertainment but my opinions here are my own.

The Winter’s Ritual: My Emotional Rash

“WHAT DO YOU NEED?” shouted the spin instructor the other morning as she was torturing us three-quarters of the way through a morning spin class. Because she was skinny and young, she likely assumed we were all thinking  motivational New Years resolution type thoughts like “To burn more calories”  or “To look better in my swimsuit.”

But not me.

Nope.

Maybe it was Adele’s soul rushing through the speakers and over the room but here’s what popped into my head:

PEACE AND QUIET

And I actually had to fight back tears.

Arguably, I could have started crying because the class was so challenging or I probably shouldn’t have eaten so much Quiche and croissants all weekend long – but that’s not what it was about. While skinny spin  lady was thinking we were focusing on kale and swimsuit bodies,  instead I was fighting back tears because I just  need a moment.  Or two. Or ten. That’s what I need, lady. Thanks for asking.

There’s no way I am alone in this and it struck me so powerfully. Honestly, I am the gal who pretty much hates feelings, so imagine my own surprise when suddenly I’m feeling all weepy on the spin bike. Once class was over and I could actually think, it hit me that this is an annual rite of passage for me: my children burn me out in the winter. Is it really them? I don’t know.  

Every winter, by about this point, I just can’t stand it any longer. Two years ago it was Snowmaggedon and weeks of no school and the difficulty we had in going anywhere made me bat shit crazy. Last year it was the marathon commute in the sneak attack snow storm, naturally because I live in Montgomery County, our power went out for days, and I learned that the firm where my husband worked was dissolving. That was all on the same day.  Again, I just couldn’t take it. It’s like I itch.

I’m pretty sure I found myself in the dark giving my kid a rare spanking that night – and well – it probably was her – but it was also me then. Just like it is now.

I need to shed my skin.  I can’t stop the emotional itch. The whining, the complaining, the incessant need for something – all these things that are typical kid things that happen every day, all year-long, just seem more taxing as winter is pushing through to spring. Also, I’m just a better mom when I can get outside with them. I don’t like to be cooped up. I’m like a spring flower that needs to blossom in the sun…

Heh heh.

It fascinates me that I feel this way again this year because it’s been such a warm winter; we can get outside in the late afternoons or head to the park on random Tuesdays but still, here it is, mid-February and I am shedding my skin, my patience is skating on thin ice and because my kids aren’t going to be my target, you know who has bulls eye painted right on his forehead?

You got that right: Mr. Wired Momma.

Ain't he a lucky guy?

Tell me I’m not alone in the winter ritual of this emotional rash?