Now let’s hear what the French say about French Parenting

If you believe these kids never had a tantrum & always eat what's put in front of them, then maybe I'll tell you another....

At long last, we finally have a French response to the truth about superior French parenting. Anyone who’s been following my blog knows that I cannot stand all this trashing of American parenting. You also know that I grew up overseas, with quite a bit of time in Europe, and was eagerly calling bullshit on Druckerman’s assertions about all that is superior in French parenting.

Now, here we have, some perspective from France that balances out all this nonsense and is so interesting – both on how the French treat their children, why their children might have fewer tantrums than ours, and more about the French education system. In short, the writer immediately notes he’d rather set himself on fire than send his own children to French schools.

If you got caught up in the tidal wave that was all things wrong about how we parent in the the US…..I hope you’ll read this other perspective. And, because he teases us in the piece, I had to click on the blog the author links too written by an American woman raising her kids in France and her observations about Druckerman’s book…and it is as interesting as he sells it to be.

Sorry this piece is short today, more tomorrow, and in the meantime, beware the Ides of March, and for more of Moi,  don’t forget to “Like” the Wired Momma FB page…

Forget the Glass Ceiling, Fix the Ladder

Looks about right. Photo Credit: Blogging about Business Women

I’ve struggled for a few years with the glass ceiling. We love to talk about the importance of women shattering the glass ceiling but here’s the thing, the ceiling is at the top, and first you have to want to get there. Not every woman wants to run for President of the United States or become the next CEO of a Fortune 500, run for Congress or even run a department – and that’s what I think of when we talk about shattering the glass ceiling. But most women want – and need – to keep working. (Fun Fact of the day: Did you know the U.S. Department of Labor created a Glass Ceiling Commission in 1991? It sadly went out of commission in 1996.)

It seems to me the crux of the issue is retaining talent and keeping women working so that there will be more of us to pick from to reach the glass ceiling, if and when the time comes. So isn’t it about the steps up the ladder to the ceiling that need more examination? I think so.

I’ve posted a few times in the past week on my Wired Momma FB page about the EU and how they are considering quotas to force companies to retain a certain percentage of women on their Boards. I just read the most recent article in the Economist, which noteworthy, has an extremely patronizing headline: “Women in Business: Waving a Big Stick.” Once I checked my repulsion with that unnecessarily snarky and sexist headline, I found the article interesting and informative.  Last year, Viviane Reding, the EU Justice Commissioner, asked publicly listed firms to pledge to increase the proportion of women on boards to 30 percent by 2015 and 40 percent by 2020.  According to the article, it’s now been a year and only 24 firms signed the pledge.  She isn’t yet calling for quotas but the speculation is that she’s heading in that direction. Currently she’s taking a very democratic approach and asking for a three-month public consult on getting more women into boards. Right now 13.7 percent of board members in large EU firms are women, up from 8.5 percent in 2003. That’s a pretty paltry increase in a decade. Think about the technological advancements alone we’ve seen in the last decade. People were still using dial-up in 2003. Now we walk around with our iPhones and iPads. Was Mark Zuckerberg even out of high school in 2003? So we can leap ahead technologically yet when it comes to advancing women in business, we remain stagnant? Sidebar – why does this surprise me when the current heated political debate for the Republicans right now is centered around women’s healthcare….

Meanwhile over in Norway, not an EU member, quotas were introduced almost a decade ago and now the Norwegians have 40 percent female representation on boards up from 9 percent in 2003.

Here in the United States, it’s safe to say we have an uncomfortable discourse about quotas. Humor me for a minute. Let’s remove people from the equation and consider how these big changes work among US companies. For instance, when our vehicles become more fuel-efficient, is it because the automakers volunteer to change their fleets or is it because the government mandates they achieve a certain level of fuel efficiency?

On my last check, the government keeps on increasing the required fleet wide average and imposing  fines on the auto companies if they don’t achieve higher standards of fuel economy by certain target years. They don’t just arbitrarily set higher standards, they invite public comment, they hold hearings, they engage with the automotive engineers and they work up a new agreement.

The auto industry isn’t the only industry regulated by the government – in essence – forced to be pushed in a new direction. Does everyone like it, especially those in the industry ? Not necessarily. Does it force change?

Yes. Why? Because money(in the form of fines) talks.

So why the skepticism with quotas? When you peel back the layers, how is it any different?  Why do we automatically assume a woman is invited to become a Board Member because of the quota instead of her achievements? Why don’t we, instead, assume the quota is necessary because the old way of thinking isn’t spurring necessary change??

Which brings me to my next point – about the glass ceiling and the broken ladder.

On Sunday, The Guardian ran a story about the Institute of Leadership and Management’s new study revealing that organizations in England are “filtering out” top female talent. Crotchety old male bosses take much of the brunt of the blame. Charles Elvin, head of the Institute, is calling for changes in attitudes and management processes. Topping the list: flexible working. The Institute says the issue isn’t the glass ceiling, the issue is the barriers along the way that filter out female talent.

And pray tell, what is the most notable barrier?

FLEXIBLE WORKING ARRANGEMENTS of course.

Did you really need me to tell you that.

The article notes how companies all have diversity programs yet still can’t seem to retain women. Big surprise there. The article reveals survey results finding that 68 percent of women and 42 percent of men identified flexible working as the number one solution.

I just don’t understand why in this age of the iPhone and instant internet access wherever we go, why flexibility is such a battle. Why is face time still so relevant? Do we  need the current wave of senior staff to retire before we can see this change in attitude? Do we need more MEN to not only ask for but also USE flex time as an option in their work place to help spur this change? Flexibility would have kept me in my previous job – without even a hesitation – but it wasn’t an option.

I think the other key issue here is this – there is a difference between a company offering flexible working arrangements and then a company encouraging employees (male and female) to actually utilize the flexibility..and then one step further…still promote and elevate those who do work around flexible schedules. Sure, you can claim anything but the proof is in the pudding, and if those who take the time aren’t ever promoted, then no one is going to take the time. A few years ago, I gasped in response to the very generous paternity leave my friend’s husband’s law firm offer its employees. Her response “Yeah, but taking that time off is the kiss of death.”

Therein lies the rub, we need companies to do more than talk the talk. My favorite quote from the article in the Guardian is this: Companies need to “focus on achieving objectives rather than sitting in your seat.”

You got that right.

Let us out of our seats, let us get our jobs done and not worry about where it’s being done, and maybe more women will stay on that ladder. For some really interesting stats on women in the United States in government and business, check out my friend Valerie Young’s piece.

“Like” me on Facebook to keep up with the ongoing discussion about working moms.

Superheroes’ R ‘Us

Busy weekend here chez moi, so again I’m bringing you an old post that still applies…this one is from 2007 (you’ll love the Ally McBeal reference) but still – what SuperPower do you want?

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Yesterday afternoon I wasted an inordinate amount of time in the post office, in line. We’ve all been there. And while the clock was ticking, I started having Ally McBeal style fantasies about how I could move things along quicker and get out of there faster.

And then it hit me.

If only I were a Superhero. I could whisk in there so fast, that no one would notice that I cut to the front of the line.

Or even better. If I had Superhero powers, I could bust through that horrid plastic shield between me and the postal worker, and expedite the process. Could she work ANY slower?

By the time I was out of there, I was Transporter Girl, defying space and time, transporting myself to the places I needed to go, thereby wasting no time waiting in line, and ultimately maximizing my time doing more important things. Like being with my darling daughter.

Even better, as Transporter Girl, I never waste time commuting. Mais non!

I instead walk out my front door and BAM!

Land behind my desk.

Even better, wish to leave work and BAM! I am home playing with darling daughter.

Isn’t life grand as Transporter Girl?

So then I got to thinking. What would other Moms be if they could choose Superhero powers? And I knew that by asking other Moms, they would immediately recognize the importance of selecting powers that will make their life easier as a mom. Not to waste time saving the world and fighting an evil nemesis. Hell no.

Superhero powers that make everything happen more efficiently, better, faster – all for the kids and the simplicity of life. And maybe a hot pink leotard and some hot pants to accompany our superhero status, of course. If we’re going to be Superheroes, we’re going to be Super Hot as well.

Interestingly enough, I then conducted an unscientific poll.

I could make good use of bendy arms

Think of it like a focus group. And I found consistencies.  One said she’d like to be Elastic Girl from the Incredibles


Why, asked moi.

Because of the bendy body. They could then stretch to incredible lengths and fill a sippy cup with milk without leaving the room and stopping doing the dishes. Or if their kids are being suspiciously quiet while playing in the other room, she could bend her neck all the way down the hall and around the corner to check on them, all the while still working on the computer.

It’s ingenious.

And you know what other Superhero status Moms requested?
Again, independently of one another.

Bewitched!

You got it, a throw back to the 60s.

These moms wanted to just wiggle their nose and things would be done. Wiggle her nose and bam – dinner is made, bed is made, hair is done and perfectly. Wiggle nose and son is stopped from being injured. Wiggle nose and idiot person stops saying stupid thing and no one is offended.

Wiggle nose and not only are all the groceries purchased but they are put away in her cabinets.

NOW you’re talking.

I think Bewitched could take on Elastic Girl but Bewitched could kick Transporter Girl’s ass in terms of time management and efficiency.

As part of the non-scientific research, I decided to ask her husband what superpowers he would take. And a dear friend asked her husband the same. This particular friend followed it up with “I’m sure he’ll pick something totally lame.”

HA!

Keep in mind, the husband portion of the experiment is certainly not statistically significant but yet, I’m going to go out on a Elastic Girl bendy arm and say: Me thinks it is still representative of the American Husband.

Just as you might suspect, rather than selecting Super Powers that will make life easier as a parent, they instead just picked Super Powers for the sake of it.

One unsuspecting husband picked “Silver Surfer” because he’s cool.

Mine? He said “I’d fly.”

“Why?” said moi.

“Because I’m lazy and then I wouldn’t have to walk.”

Enough said.

Hey, you, American parent, apparently you suck

If you pay attention to the media, we all suck at parenting. Not just this guy. Photo Credit: Fail Blog

On Sunday, I eagerly started reading Brigid Schulte’s opinion piece in the Washington Post because of its headline “What’s so bad about American Parents?” Finally, I thought, finally, someone has come to their senses and realizes that our cultural habit of trashing all things parenting is ineffective and doesn’t help anyone. Beginning with the tired parents who could use a little pick-me-up beyond their morning coffee. Instead, what did Schulte do? She trashed American parents. Why I allowed myself to be surprised by this might be what frustrates me the most. It has now become sport between the media and the latest parenting guru/author to dismantle anything good that American parents might do and instead over-analyze it all. My other favorite tactic, willfully deployed by Pamela Druckerman and now it seems the Post Outlook section, is to make wide-sweeping claims about the bad habits of American parents in our child-centric culture. 

So – for my brutally honest reaction to Schulte’s piece and my questions on if these parents who are so bad at parenting – and really do so many things wrong – really exist – please read my latest on HuffPost DC. I don’t know about you, but I really think we do a lot right. And I’m growing so tired of hearing about everything we do wrong.  Also – Schulte had a platform to explore critically important issues facing working parents – the increasing reality that fathers, not just mothers, struggle with work life choices and a chance to question whether our business culture is ready to tolerate workplace flexibility – and she didn’t do it. I truly believe that until we frame work-life choices as a societal issue, not just a woman’s issue or a mother’s issue, then it won’t be taken seriously. Wash Post Sunday Outlook section is a grand place to start that discussion. Talk about a missed opportunity.

Also – spoiler alert – I’m not afraid to admit that I don’t like to play but I still think I’m a good parent. In other words – I do set boundaries with my kids, I do say no to them, and I am know I am not alone in this….and I don’t feel guilty about it.

Moi Loves Moi  in 2012, right? Please read it, comment on it, agree or disagree with me, share it, etc. As always, “Like” the Wired Momma FB page to keep up with the fun & frolic….