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Category Archives: Work

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It’s Back Home I Go

April 1, 2009

So kittens, I know I’ve been MIA lately – so here’s the news: I quit my job last week. Friday is my last day. I am really excited about the decision.

As I had indicated before, I loved every minute of maternity leave and this time, I am lucky enough that we have a choice for me to not work. We didn’t previously have that option but now we do – and it just seemed so clear to me that now is the time to seize it.

I did worry and fret some over maternity leave as I considered this as an option – why have I been working, what about my career, etc etc – but I just don’t have any of those concerns anymore. Also – frankly – for all you “pundits” out there – I don’t feel like I am “off-ramping” or somehow letting down future generations of women by stepping out – I don’t feel like I am stepping out.

I feel like I am making a decision that is best for my girls because I have the choice right now – but like a good friend recently pointed out, careers are long windy roads with many stops and starts along the way. Who knows how long I will stay home for – time will tell.

Letting go of our nanny was THE low point for me in this whole process, I hated doing it and really fretted over when to tell her. In fact, someone actually gave me a hard time about how I handled it and indicated that I did wrong by our nanny by not telling her sooner.

Because determining when to tell her was something that I really struggled with and I know I am not alone in this – I want to talk more about it and why I actually stand firm in how I handled it with our nanny.

My husband and I both decided that we needed to make a decision that is best for our kids, and it’s impossible not to worry that an employee would start taking things less seriously once they know their time is up. Also, we needed the nanny to stick around until her last day of work – and who’s to say that the nanny isn’t going to up and quit two days after you give her notice because she’s found a better, higher paying job. Call me crazy, but I am quite sure that is a common scenario. It’s a dog eat dog world out there.

So we concluded that just like corporations don’t give employees 2 and 3 month notice that they are going to be let go, we didn’t give our nanny 2 or 3 month notice that she was going to be let go. I also didn’t know that far in advance. When my current boss let me know that this coming Friday could be my last day, I then told my nanny the next morning when I saw her in person. She got one week’s notice and is getting two weeks severance and I am doing everything I can to help her line up work.

As for what happens next, who knows. Having worked in this town for 13 years, it will be strange to wake up on Monday morning and know that I won’t be getting a paycheck but it also seems very liberating. My current employer wants me to freelance and several others have indicated as much as well – so I have a hunch that I’ll keep my fingers in the pot and just have to figure out how to manage it – just like everyone else.

So stay tuned for KT’s musings on mommy-land. Frankly none of it seems real just yet.

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Motherhood, Nanny, Work

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho….

March 15, 2009

It’s off to work I go.

Tommorrow is the big day. After a lovely 15 weeks of maternity leave, I return to work tomorrow. To help ease the transition for DD1, DH is taking his last week of paternity week to spend with the girls. After 4 months of full-time mommy, if we both were to up and ditch her for work, it would be like a nuclear explosion in her world. I mean, how does one explain that one to a 3-year-old?

So how do I feel about returning to work?

The emotional side of me feels a pit in my stomach and tears are welling in my eyes.

The rational side of me calmly tells myself that I know from after returning the first time, the anticipation is way worse than the reality.

The emotional side is screaming out “no no no!”

The rational side of me reminds myself that tomorrow I get to put on a pretty suit, wear awesome shoes, fun jewelry and guess what – pee when I have too and eat when I’m hungry and even cruise the web for celeb gossip, all things I haven’t done at will in 4 months.

The emotional side of me thinks about someone else taking DD1 to school (well, DH taking her) and how he’ll get to experience the joy on her face when he picks her up, not me, and I immediately feel the tears.

The rational side of me reminds myself that I’ve got sweet lunches with fun people at new restaurants already lined up…you know, a gal has to stay hip.

The emotional side of me….well, you know.

SO what’s my point? My point is the reflection on this mat leave is very different than the first time. I’m pretty sure nothing is worse than the first time. That first mat leave was rife with emotions, confusion, exhaustion and lots of loneliness.

This time, there was no time to feel lonely. Who is lonely with another kid tearing through the house? There was no confusion because, well, we knew what we were walking into, so it’s not like we were surprised. The only one capable of surprising us in the house so far is the older one. Honestly, it’s just been really fun. I’ve loved every day with the girls, I couldn’t have cared less about work, I totally checked out. Last time, I fretted about work, I kept up, I called in on some conference calls, I worried about what I ws missing. Do you think I did one of those things this time? Oh hell no……

And so the bottom line is this, DD1 is almost 3.5 years old and just about every day of the past 3.5 years has been an internal struggle for me – do I want to work, do I want to give it up, what am I missing at home, what am I missing at work? And on and on and on. I am done with that struggle.

So hi-ho, hi-ho, I go, tomorrow, to go back. For a week. Then I will throw in the towel. It will be so liberating and really nerve-wracking at the same time. I am determined to enjoy this last hurrah of looking nice, showering daily, eating great meals and toiling away behind the desk – because who knows when I’ll do it again.

These are the things I keep telling my emotional self as I think about waving goodbye tomorrow morning to the sweet faces and pulling out of the driveway.

Kids sure do make everything confusing, don’t they?

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Motherhood, Uncategorized, Work

Children Derail Your Career

February 24, 2009

I find that some of the most provocative and helpful things are said to me by someone I don’t know at the gym during or after an early morning workout. Today I went to a 6am spin class, which was easy because I’d been up since 4:30 and already was hopped up on coffee. This was my first time at this particular spin class and the subject of children and babies came up at the end of the class. The instructor asked me how old mine are and when I revealed I had a 12 week old at home, the class broke out in spontaneous clapping – both for having a baby and for being there already, it was so nice. Who doesn’t love random applause?

Anyhow, at the end of class, we were bringing our bikes back into the side room and the instructor asked if I was going back to work. I said in a few weeks but who knows for how long. By this time there were two other women in the room – now all three of them are quite a bit older than me. The instructor said what my mom warned me about all along and now seems dauntingly apparent – going back after the second is a lot harder and a lot more complicated.

Another confirmed it and then said she just went back part-time. The third chimed in and said she also went back part-time because it kept her in the game but dramatically changed her career.

The instructor concurred and said she went back part-time and her career totally changed and so she quit…then laughed about how having a third prompted her to want to return full time.

After the day I had yesterday, I can see that.

Anyhow – at this point my mind was spinning because well, it’s been spinning and stressing over the work thing for a few weeks now as my return date (march 16) looms closer and closer. One of the women randomly blurted out
“look, children just derail your career.”

I started to agree when another one just flatly said “But who cares.”

And then they all agreed.

Amen is what I wanted to shout.

Who the f cares.

Cause guess what kittens, I don’t.

It felt like the addition of one child dramatically changed one career in our house (mine) because we both couldn’t possibly keep up at the same pace. Now that we have two, I have no idea and frankly no desire to manage two kids and commuting and a full-time career. Getting one kid out the door to preschool and dragging the baby along and trying to get there on time is hard enough. Hell, getting them both fed in the morning and my husband showered and giving me time to workout and pump is hard enough – doing all that and then going to work – no thanks.

So there you have it, random strangers enlightening me before 7am on a cold tuesday morning. There’s something refreshing about people’s honesty when you’ve had a baby – especially the honesty of strangers. And I find that women with slightly older children are quick to just tell me what they think, matter-of-factly, with no drama. I absolutely love it because it quells all my anxieties and fears (what happens if I hate being home, how will I ever get back in the game, will I get lonely, will I miss work clothes, what did I go to graduate school for, etc etc).

I will go back to work because I don’t want to be the person who quits on maternity leave but it’s doubtful I’ll last long.

Stay tuned.

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Motherhood, Work

Second Time….Last Time

June 5, 2008

Bonjour Kittens –

First, before I dive into today’s entry, how about a shout out to Obama, finally our party’s nominee! What an exciting time. And you have to hand it to Hillary, she is tenacious and though she didn’t get the nod (THANK GOD), she still surely inspired many younger girls that it’s possible – and for that, I have to respect her. You know I’m an Obama Mamma, so yesterday just didn’t come early enough for moi. Now it’s time for the real fun and games to begin.

Speaking of fun and games, many of you know this already, but it’s now time for it to be a regular part of the KT blog – I’m preggo again. I know, I’ve blogged about how great just one kid is and why would I need or want to go through the ordeal of newborn hell again – but I knew the whole time that I would, it was just an issue of timing. I’m 14 weeks along and due the first week of December, which means DD will have just turned three, if I actually have this baby on time instead of 4 weeks early.

I knew all along that I was the kind of gal who needed to space my kids apart. Many people have them much closer together but that’s just not the best way for me or my husband – and we are thrilled with the age difference. I am optimistic that it will be manageable. For those of you with two kids out there, I’m happy if I just amused you.

So far, this second time around has been completely different. First off, I’m totally relaxed about it. I just thought over the weekend about how I haven’t lifted up one book on pregnancy. I feel a complete sense of peace because well, I have a pretty good idea of what we’re walking into.

I also feel a lot crappier than I did the first time. Either that or I just don’t actually remember how I felt the first time, who knows.

More important, though, is how managing a pregnancy and a full-time job is impacting my time with my daughter. I am one tired gal. And most of the time, I just am not as focused and into playing with DD as I usually am. Sure, digging for worms normally ranks as high as celebrity gossip for me – but I am just so damn tired that it’s really hard to want to get down on the ground and dig for worms enthusiastically.

My point – I know she notices. She can totally tell that I’m just not all there and that I really just want to go sit down on the bench and zone out.

This is a terrible feeling. There isn’t a lot I can do about it except know that I’ll turn the corner in about 2 weeks and remind myself that she’s 2.5 years old and will never remember that mommy was distracted for a few months of her life (or probably a few years once the new baby arrives).

But this is my biggest pregnancy challenge and complaint- just trying to muster the energy and focus to give my DD that she usually gets from me. It also makes me want to just quit working because I have more energy on the weekends because I can take a nap in the afternoon when she naps. So it just feeds the fire, the constant conundrum of – what the hell am I doing and is this job really worth it?

I’m sure I’ll be wondering that one many more times over the coming months.

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Motherhood, Work