Category Archives: Work

It’s just your hormones

Yes, hearing and reading that actually makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth.

A few weeks ago, Business Week featured a “case study” online about a woman returning to work after maternity leave.

http://www.businessweek.com/managing/content/sep2007/ca20070913_815563.htm

Apparently the scenario includes a boss that seems distant and a new mom unsure of how to handle the situation. Is she being treated differently because she is a mother? Is her boss upset that she no longer can put in the same long hours in the office as she did before she had a baby, even if she finishes her work at home later at night? What should she do?

It’s a scenario that’s all-too familiar to most of us and so I read it with some optimism, perhaps we would be given some productive tips on how to handle this delicate and complicated situation. After-all, returning to work from maternity leave is a big step for all of us. We realize that after many years of being dedicated to our careers, suddenly we might not be quite as dedicated anymore. Suddenly we have this living, breathing, adorable bundle at home who needs us and the importance of our work can be called into question.

As we are grappling with these very real and very big issues, sometimes we also have to grapple with the response of our boss and co-workers to the new us. While I generally despise all media commentary on working and motherhood, I read on with interest.

Until I came to a screeching halt and yelped out in anger and shock. It was almost like my computer shut down and I was no longer reading a case study but rather I was suddenly strapped into my chair and being force fed the blithering hypocrisy of Rush Limbaugh.

You see Kittens, the “expert” that Business Week used in this scenario (that has my claws out and really sharpened) goes on to suggest that it’s likely that it might not be the woman’s boss who is behaving differently….in fact…it could just be the new mom’s “hormones.”

X!)!)!DLSDFLKH:LKDSLSD:FOIU@@#~!!!!!

That is my censored and highly intelligent response.

In other words, BITE ME “HR Consultant.” Here is the exact quote in case you think I’m making this up or am being dramatic, as I’m known to be from time-to-time:

“Maybe it’s not her boss that’s changed; it’s her. “I’ve seen problems caused by hormonal changes in a new mother,” says Lee.”

Have we suddenly been set back 50 years by this suggestion, or is it me? 

Time after time, what we are given by the media is just a bunch of ridiculous drama that doesn’t seem to do us any good. We are hormonal, we are damaging our kids by putting them in daycare, we are failing future generations of women by stepping out of the workforce and instead staying home with our kids, and on and on and on. Blah blah blah.

As you might recall, I actually put forth a ban on gabbing about these ridiculous media stories but this one, I couldn’t resist.

It’s just your hormones, kittens, get a hold of yourself. Right?

Wrong.

A potpourri of things

Hello Kittens –

I apologize for my dead radio silence all week. Alas, Congress is back in session and my work load and stress level have been through the roof this week. Sadly, the idea that I will need to work all day long, every day, instead of goofing around online and blogging, will likely persist for the remainder of the year. Apparently working is what I’m supposed to be doing and we all know that I love to take little breaks here and there to entertain you. To give you an idea of the stress level here, I actually cried in front of my boss yesterday. C’est vrai. It’s the first time in about 4 years of working in my office that I cried at work – and cried in front of my boss. For the record – I’m really not a crier. So, let’s blame the man and be patient with me kittens and know that I will get to you as soon as I have a free second…..

With that, and because I am essentially brain dead today, I’m going to cover many of the things that have been on my mind this past week.

First – it’s September. Ahh….we can all breathe a sigh of relief and know that there WILL FINALLY be an end to this hideous summer heat. When that will be, I’m not sure, but at least we know it will happen. If you are anything like me, you are busily obsessing over your new fall wardrobe and what key items you might have to add to it. I’ve been OBSESSING over boots this week and keep reminding myself that it’s still 90 outside so I don’t need to rush into any purchases. A dear KT friend once pointed out that she thinks I dress my daughter how I would have dressed myself at her age. Naturally she’s right and while I’m anti-matching mommy-and-me outfits (kill me first) – I might co-opt the style I’ve already laid in place for daughter’s fall wardrobe: mini-skirts, fun tops and funky tights.

For myself, I’ll lose the funky tights and stick with solid patterns and instead add in boots. I’m thinking a pair of low heeled more casual brown boots is a more practical addition for my casual weekend wear seeing as how chasing after the toddler is much more difficult in thin 3 inch heels with pointy toes. Frankly, I’m a lot more Jenny Garner weekend-kid style than I am Katie Holmes.

Another item on my mind is Vera Wang’s new line that she’s debuting in Kohl’s this weekend. I will admitt, I am really intrigued. Kohl’s isn’t a store that really enters my repetoire when I think of places to shop. But it’s a brilliant marketing move on their part – and time will tell if it’s good for Vera – but I, for one, will make a point to visit a Kohl’s in the next few weeks to checkout this “Very Vera” line. Stay tuned on that.  OH – and the final thing is that due to my hellacious week, I completely forgot to DVR Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style, which I am sure is going to be my new favorite show. If you tuned it, tell me about it!

So the other thing that’s been on my mind this week is a new appreciation and understanding for parents who have children that are total brats. NOW – let’s be clear – I will not tolerate this behavior in my household but you know they say you can’t really understand someone until you’ve walked in their shoes. Well, I have a deeper understanding of how it happens now. Example – darling daughter really loves popsicles. You know, the kind you make at home by just filling up some OJ and then freezing it? Yes well, she LOVES them. I often wish that I could be so happily satisified by 2 ounces of  frozen juice.  Recently, she has decided that she wants a “pop-cle” in the morning – in lieu of breakfast.

Well, we all know that we don’t eat “pop-cle” in the mornings, do we. And yes, I realize that it’s just a frozen version of the very small glass of juice she would otherwise receive but it’s the point. You can have a “pop-cle” after lunch or after dinner, but not instead of breakfast.

But see, screaming fits in front of the freezer demanding “pop-cle” repeatedly before you’ve as much as had a cup of coffee – isn’t fun. And the thing about toddlers is this – they are persistent and they don’t forget. You can think you can distract them and change the subject with a fun toy or “Diego” and the crying subsides.
But then think again – they just get that bee in their bonnet again a few minutes later – and bam. We’re right back to screaming in front of the freezer for a “Pop-cle.”

Meanwhile, over in KT’s head, I’m left wondering if someone can get me an IV pumped with some coffee while I dip into my vast well of patience, again point out that we don’t have “pop-cle’s” at breakfast, and ignore the fit.

My point – I get it now. It would definitely be EASIER to just cave in and give her the “pop-cle” but I can see how that is a slippery slope and once I put even a toe on it, down we go.

And finally, I really haven’t had time to keep up with celeb gossip to the extent that I like – but I was saddened to hear that Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger broke up. What will happen with their sweet little girl? And speaking of babies, how about Halle Berry getting pregnant? Love that.

That’s all for now kittens, I will do my best to give you more attention next week.

Off my chest!

Check out my rants  on today’s front page Wash Post piece on breastfeeding…on the newly launched and super cool DC Metro Moms  Blog:’

http://svmomblog.typepad.com/dc_metro_moms/2007/08/stay-off-my-che.html

Non-Linear Path to the Off-Ramp

Among many wonderful things about yesterday, one, for me personally, was learning of the new book out by Dr. Sylvia Ann Hewlett called “Off-Ramps and On-Ramps.” I first noticed her interview on the “Today” show but didn’t have a chance to really pay attention. Then I read the piece about her new book in yesterday’s New York Times, in Kotkin’s column titled “Opening the On-Ramp for Women.”

And if you didn’t see it, I’d urge you to read it:  http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/05/business/05shelf.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Several things struck me about this piece. And some of you might be wondering why I’m blogging about the very thing I’ve sworn off – the repeated and generally non-news circulating through the media about women off-ramping and how companies need to get with the times. But again – a few things about this piece struck me.

First, this statement about Hewlett’s book:

“Dr. Hewlett brings to bear a great deal of evidence to support her contention that professional women are held back by an outdated career model designed for white men with wives at home.”

It really strikes a chord with me as it feels like my own professional reality. I am constantly aware of the fact that my colleagues around me might have children but that many of them also have wives at home.  Meanwhile I am the wife. And I’d love to have a wife at home but I don’t. It’s me. And so – we can talk until we’re blue in the fact about the need for “equality among the staff” but the reality is, the demands on me are different than the demands on my male counterparts. Therefore, I don’t think the need for “equality among the staff” is anything but antiquated. It is becoming increasingly clear to me that if my workplace wants to keep me for many more years, then there needs to be the recognition that the quality of work I produce is more valued than the amount of hours I am physically in the office.

And then there is the closing comments of the article that stuck with me all day. I chewed on it a while, then I shared the comment with my ever-practical accountant husband, then I later shared it with my sister over dinner. There’s nothing quite like a potent analogy to really get you thinking so here it is:

“If a $2,000 desktop computer disappears from an employee’s desk, I guarantee that there’ll be an investigation,” Maury Hanigan, a consultant, tells Dr. Hewlett, adding that “if a $100,000-a-year executive with all kinds of client relationships” quits “to stay home with the kids — there’s no investigation.”

Can anyone have said it better than Ms. Hanigan? I mean – hello and thank you Ms. Hanigan. What a brilliant and poignant analogy she makes in a nice concise sentence.

Will anyone conduct an investigation in my office when I decide to off-ramp for more time with my children? I don’t think so. But Hanigan is right, there would be countless hours spent on determing the theft of my desktop computer if it happened.

I know that I’m a valued highly skilled worker, as are my friends. Our IT guy can go anywhere to replace my computer but I know – I definitely do not lack any confidence – in this – I know that my skillset cannot be replaced that easily. And yet, not a thing is being done to accomodate the needs of managing work with children to keep me here.

And so, Hewlett points out that fully 60% of highly skilled females off-ramp for a time. The distinction is – do they necessarily want to – or if more options were given to them, would they stick around? I would. I haven’t quite reached the off-ramp yet, but I’m headed there faster and faster each day.