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Holiday Spirit

Indeed….I have waited a bit too long to post about holiday fashion, parties, decor, etc etc. My friend Sara’s blog inspired me to cover this topic today.

Dear readers….you can choose many paths in this holiday season.
You can just let yourself go and behave like one of the Hollywood tramps we see each night on TV.
You can “forget” to wear your underware.
You can wear a sheer top and “forget” to wear a bra.
You can pull a JLo and pretend that you are going to become a Scientologist so you can get invited to the next TomKat affair.
Hell, you can even drive the wrong way down the interstate after a long night of partying.

But, see, dear lemmings, none of these things get you anywhere good. Unless, of course, you consider all press, good press.

Of course, if you are reading Kitty Time, you probably aren’t being followed by the paparatzi..but far be it from me to insult my readers, perhaps you are…..

That aside, I have a few overall comments on holiday parties.

First, you should accompany your spouse or significant other to their office holiday party and you should attempt to charm their boss. Do not embarass them. Do not hit on their boss. Just be charming and lovely, as all kitty time readers are.
You should also go to your own office party and refrain from drinking too much – you might regret what you say later….afterall, if you are a reader of kitty time, you have some moxie.

Now..what should you wear? Always a dilemma for most self-respecting kitty time readers.

I have been very disappointed in holiday party fashion this year. Where is the sequins? Where is the dark green? Why is everything silk and black? Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking for a holiday sweater. But what does a gal have to do to find a fabulous green dress? Our options are weak, at best, this year.

If you are digging oldies but goodies out of your closet – just remember – when in doubt, do not wear it. If you have a “hunch” it’s a bit more snug than last year, blame the dry cleaner and step away. Do not proceed!

And so..go off, dear readers…into the night and dazzle bosses, wear something classy, keep your underware on, your bra clasped, don’t drink too much if you are driving, wear something festive and enjoy kitty time’s favorite time of year!

HMW Seeks FTW

Has Kitty-time become a classified, you might be wondering?

Mais non.

Kitty-time just says what’s on her mind…and probably on the minds of most others they just don’t have the nerve to say it.

HMW = Happily Married Wife

FTW = Full-time Wife

You got it. I’m looking for a wife. And not a slacker wife. Or a complainer. A go-getter. I don’t care what you look like, I just want you to be able to anticipate my needs, run all the errands, get all the dry cleaning picked up, finish the laundry, figure out what we’re having for dinner, make sure it’s defrosted, keep tabs on baby food, make sure we have enough whole milk, get the stamps for christmas cards, keep running list of contractors for house, negotiate with them when necessary, be home when needed for arrival of contractors, etc etc. And most importantly – do these things exactly as I would do them – or better – and never drop the ball on anything. Ever. Never fail me. Let me not have to worry about these things. Just get them done. Quietly. And without ever telling me about it.

How does that sound? Like a job you want?

Some of you might be thinking I am hideous and throwing us back 50 years in time.

But really – have you thought it through?
Doesn’t it sound divine?

I am seeking a wife so that I can have more time with my family. So that I can spend the precious little free time I have, with them. Not running around like a fool on the weekends when the baby is napping. Not because I want to become the next female Fortune 500 CEO and am trying to “do it all.”

Hell no.

Just to free up some time, relieve me of some stress, and well – so that I don’t have to do these things.

I’ve concluded that all mom’s need a wife.

A friend suggested we need a life assistant.

Fine.

Call it what you want.

I am looking for a wife….and will pay her with my gratitude.

It’s another media circus

Welcome to the world’s greatest show…..no where else on earth can you find such an event…..the slow news day media circus is really something to behold.

I don’t know what you were doing when the news broke, but I was in the midst of getting baby ready for bed time and what did I hear?
Glimpses of death?
A change in the Senate?
Republican takeover?

Was it a civil war?

Was there mutiny on Capitol Hill?
How did I miss it?

Oh wait.
That’s right.

Nothing has happened yet but our dear national media are bored.

You know, there isn’t really anything relevant going on in the world to cover (i.e. Iraq, the lives of the families of the soldiers here, Sudan, the general state of the middle east, anyone hear much about the Balkans anymore?)…..no no…nothing is going on…and so we MUST obsessively write off a Senator and discuss the possible new Senate.

Kitty time’s claws are out over this one.

Let’s all back up, take a few deep yoga breaths and remember that this U.S. Senator is not well…but the man ain’t dead.

Instead of hammering the last nails in his coffin, let’s respect him, his service in the Senate, his family and give it a rest. Let’s stop writing him off as dead and discussing the political implications before we’ve even heard from the man’s doctors.

Honestly, I don’t know about any of you, but kitty time is sick and tired of obsessive media speculating.

How about covering some real news?

Mommy Brain

We’ve all heard about it. But guess what – it’s real. According to a column in Sunday’s NYT, women’s brains shrink 8 percent when pregnant and don’t return to previous size until six months post-partum.

I would like to say, without any scientific backing, that I do not think they actually ever return to size.

Example – it just took me an hour to figure out how to log in as myself and write a post. Oddly enough, I figured out how to log into the 2004 version of kitty time. Go figure.

On any given day, when exiting the shower, I have absolutely no idea if I rememebered to rinse the conditioner out of my hair.

Should I continue?

Has my brain size shrunk more than 8 percent?

Most likely.

I don’t quite need a name tag pinned to my lapel identifying my name and home address, in the event I get lost, but I just might reach that point after having another baby.

Why does this happen, Dr. Kitty Time, you ask?

Medically, this doctor isn’t sure.
But you come here because I call it like I see it.

It happens because the brain of a mother moves at warp speed. We have about 20 things on our mind at any given time –
do we have enough food at home for baby’s dinner?
did we put the baby in warm enough clothes?
what happens if i don’t find another set of overnight diapers before they run out? Double up? Swimmer over the regular?
what in the hell are we having for dinner?
what was i supposed to get done at work yesterday that i completely forgot about and who can i blame it on? probably the new guy.
what christmas presents do i need to return and purchase?
why in the hell did i wear this bizarre outfit to work today?
will my belly ever return to what it once was?

and so it goes.

and so, dear readers, be proud of your mommy brain. it is what it is and is a sign of your new role as mommy.
and for those of you who do not have children…never judge a woman for her mommy brain…karma is a terrible thing.