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Michelle Obama for President

May 11, 2007

OK – so what a treat for you today! TWO postings on KT!

Think of it as my Mother’s Day gift to you.

How generous and thoughtful of me, right?

Right.

OK – so I just got finished reading this article on Michelle Obama in today’s Washington Post and can’t help but wonder – why isn’t SHE running for President?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/10/AR2007051002573.html?hpid=topnews

Go forth and read it, dear kittens. Not only is it refreshing to read that this brilliant and wildly successful woman has struggled with whether to work and how to balance her career with her kids every day, just like I do (and probably you too) but to see how grounded she is. And how much she loves her husband.

The very last line of the piece is really my favorite.

I’m also left wondering – is there really just a political reason why she is quitting her job? I mean – as if it’s not enough for this country that we might have a black president. But that we could have a black president with a working wife, who is also a mother but still works full-time, and not only does she work and not take care of her kids full-time – but she’s working instead of supporting her husband on the campaign?

That, my dears, I believe would be far too much for our fellow countrymen to tolerate.

But she definitely didn’t give me that impression from this article, I”m just speculating.

I’m also left wondering if the Barack campaign took a good, hard look at Dean’s last campaign. Remember that? Remember how his wife was NO WHERE to be seen with the exception of one “60 Minutes” interview where she came off as kind of wierd and totally removed from her husband’s desires to be President?

I’m pretty sure that didn’t sit well with most viewers. It even bothered me.

So, me thinks the Barack campaign didn’t want to head in that direction.

Regardless, Michelle Obama is clearly an inspiration and a role model for all of us and I urge you to read this interview with her.

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Motherhood, Nanny, Politics

How do you draw the line?

April 30, 2007

Hope you all had a lovely weekend. Ours was good, albeit a bit tiring. Sometimes the life and times of a busy toddler is not exactly in sync with the life and times of the tired working parents on a Saturday or Sunday morning.

But really, what I’d like to discuss today is the difficulties in striking a balance with your nanny. Because I think I’ve learned a lot over the course of the last 17 months but lord knows I still have a lot to learn.

The level headed, non-emotive person would think that the relationship with the nanny is like the relationship with the workplace. You are the employer, she is the employee. You pay her to use her skills and judgement all day long, as you are paid to use your skills and judgment all day long.

But see, I think it’s more complicated than that.

The very nature of her job is emotional whereas, let’s be honest, the very nature of my job is NOT emotional. Our nanny is paid to care for and tend to our child all day long. The end result of this is really emotional and well, a loving relationship, if the nanny is any good. I mean, what person wouldn’t fall in love with the baby they tend to five days a week?

And so – how do you strike a balance with your nanny? How do you care about her and let her know that she is a very important part of your family without getting too involved in her personal life? Because inevitably, it seems to happen.

She has a life and a family and things that happen to her outside of the work day that inevitably end up coming back to your house. They make their way in. Particularly with language barriers – I mean – why not ask someone who speaks English fluently what something means? Hell, I have a hard enough time understanding certain banking agreements, how can someone who doesn’t speak English as their first language understand them?

And so – how do you draw the line between being open and caring for your nanny but still being her employer? What do you do if she asks to borrow money? What do you do if she is very upset and having marital issues? What do you do if her in-laws don’t treat her well and they live together? Afterall, the nanny’s emotional state will also impact her day’s work.

I’m asking you, kittens. Because I struggle to strike a balance between being caring but also removed. Empathetic but not a problem solver, definitely not a bank, and most certainly not a marriage counselor (though some days I’d like to pretend I am).

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Motherhood, Nanny

National Mom’s Week – Death to Mommy Guilt

March 21, 2007

Hello spring kittens –

I hope that Day Two of our self-proclaimed week to celebrate ourselves and a life with no surprises went well for you. I assure you, it went perfectly for me, because I arrived home, opened the fridge to feed darling daughter some dinner, only to discover NN had cleaned out and organized my fridge. I yelped out with glee. I jumped up, clicked my heels together and felt a wave of peace rush through me. We ought to declare weeks to celebrate ourselves more often, this one is really working out for me…..

So, now, here we are, on Day Three. For those loyal followers out there, I promised you yesterday that today we would celebrate our children and how they are helping us with no surprises this week. My darling daughter started off on a rocky path this morning, she barely woke up at a decent hour..she started gabbing around 6am. Sometimes a gal just has a lot to say. Knock wood, however, she is healthy and in good spirits today, though, so really, she’s participating fairly in our National Mom’s Week of No Surprises.

But, really, I’d be remiss to not focus on the painful piece from yesterday’s Washington Post. Just reading the headline made me want to gag, “Despite Mommy Guilt….”

Give me a freaking break, people.

Was the reporter, Donna St. George, brainwashed by some man on her way to the computer to bang out her story? Did she get so caught up in the moment of glory, having her piece on the front page of the Post, that she allowed her senses to be parked at the door, as she banged out the headline? Or did someone else bang out her headline and she didn’t even care?

Regardless, here is a link if you’d care to waste your time on the “news”:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/19/AR2007031901972.html

Some of you might be wondering, why am I hating? Why so negative? Doesn’t the story go on to say that women today spend more time with their kids than our mother’s generation did? Yadda yadda yadda.

Whatever. I am fired up because:

a. there is no new news in here

b. the media insists upon perpetuating the stupid idea of “mommy guilt” just as much as trying to pit Stay-At-Home Mom’s against Working Moms. Neither of these things are productive or helpful to anyone but clearly somewhere along the line, they believe it sells papers.

And so, dear readers, on this week to celebrate ourselves, I am here to remind you that KittyTime is a guilt-free zone. There is no “mommy guilt” here. There is NO NEED for it.

If you go home after a long day of work and ignore your child and insist upon fielding work phone calls and responding to blackberry messages instead of playing with your child and talking to them while you feed them dinner, then you should feel like an asshole. Because you are. You are filling some kind of void to convince yourself that you are that important and then you thrive off the guilt. You know this is true. And if I’ve offended you, again, I don’t care.

Go home. Put the work aside, and relish your time with your kids, which- truth be told – on some level – is what the Post story says is happening. Enjoy your precious time with your little baby and cherish each moment. That is partly what this week is about – celebrating our lives – and these babies give us something to celebrate every day.

So, as part of our National Week celebrating ourselves, if you are a dear KittyTime fan, then I’m quite sure you have checked guilt aside, tell those who like to hide behind the “mommy guilt” – particularly if they claim “Oh, I am Catholic” or “Oh, I am Jewish” – it comes with the territory. WHATEVER. Is what I say. Again, no reason to buy a ticket on that bus – do what you need to do, be the best that you can be (ha ha – marines, anyone?) and cherish those babes. We are celebrating what they give us today. And we are celebrating the fact that guilt is nothing but a waste of our precious time and energy.

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Motherhood, Nanny

National Mom’s Week – Day Two

March 20, 2007

Hello spring kittens –

Are you celebrating your life of great ease and no surprises this week? I hope that Day One went well for all of you beauties. I am happy to report that Day One of our National No Surprises Week went off without a hitch pour moi. New Nanny (NN) SHOWED UP and is just wonderful. In fact, she was the cause of a truly biblical moment for me – shall we call it a Momlical Moment. It was pure bliss.

Here’s the scene:

Camera pans to KittyTime, her darling daughter and NN in kitchen yesterday reviewing schedules, mealtime, cleaning, etc. Yours truly asked NN what she likes to eat for lunch because I would just buy it at the grocery store, and NN responded, ever so genuinely, as follows:

“That would just create more work for you and that is not my job.”

Do you hear the angels singing? Do you also see the clouds parting as rays of light came beaming into my kitchen and I felt a sense of peace rush through my body?

C’est vrai! There was someone standing in my kitchen, pointing out that her purpose in life is to NOT create more work for me. Instead, to make my life easier.

As I said, a Momlical Moment. A lenten miracle. I don’t need to breathe out the anger, I just need to revisit that scene in my head and everything feels right in the world. All the pain, anguish and suffering I went through to find this fabulous NN was worth it. The puffiness under my eyes deflated, the new and extra aging lines on my face disappeared with nary a dime spent at the spa, and young spring-chicken KittyTime strode out the front door with a smile on her face and a glimmer in her eye. It’s a true story.

Which brings moi to Day Two of our National Week celebrating ourselves: husbands. As promised during yesterday’s entry, today is the beginning of the celebration where our husbands do as they are told. Immediately after we ask them. There is a reason that there is only a day or two dedicated to this theme each year; we cannot come to expect the impossible in our lives. We must have realistic expectations.

But I got to thinking. Instead of truly believing that our husbands will dutifully fulfill their chores without us even having to remind them, think for a moment what it would feel like to have the words that passed NN’s lips yesterday, instead, pass the lips of your husband.

That’s right.

For a minute, imagine your husband very genuinely saying “Of course, beautiful and brilliant wife, I already completed that task because my job is to make your life easier and to NOT create work for you.”

Yes yes. I hear the uproarious laughter from across the land but just play along for a minute. As I said, this week is like Santa for mom’s. You have to just believe.

So for a minute, allow yourself to believe that your husband would actually say something like that AND mean it.

Now don’t you just feel better even imagining it for one minute? Even one second? Personally, I played that scene out in my mind a few times yesterday, and well, it at least made me giggle, which means I am having fun during National Mom’s Week.

And so, dear readers, tomorrow we will focus on how our beloved children are fulfilling our wishes during this week to celebrate ourselves and no surprises, and with that, in a rare moment of weakness, I will end on a sentimental note and leave you with the words of Kathryn Harrison, that I heard on NPR this morning during the Writer’s Almanac:

“We’re taught to expect unconditional love from our parents, but I think it is more the gift our children give us. It’s they who love us helplessly, no matter what or who we are.”

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Husbands, Motherhood, Nanny