As if working parents don’t have enough on their minds, here’s something really outrageous….and for the first time in my life, I am completely speechless
Note – this piece is yet another example of how to blame mothers for the shortcomings of their children. Don’t dads matter in f#cking things up too?
I know I like to blame my husband.
So kittens, I know I’ve been MIA lately – so here’s the news: I quit my job last week. Friday is my last day. I am really excited about the decision.
As I had indicated before, I loved every minute of maternity leave and this time, I am lucky enough that we have a choice for me to not work. We didn’t previously have that option but now we do – and it just seemed so clear to me that now is the time to seize it.
I did worry and fret some over maternity leave as I considered this as an option – why have I been working, what about my career, etc etc – but I just don’t have any of those concerns anymore. Also – frankly – for all you “pundits” out there – I don’t feel like I am “off-ramping” or somehow letting down future generations of women by stepping out – I don’t feel like I am stepping out.
I feel like I am making a decision that is best for my girls because I have the choice right now – but like a good friend recently pointed out, careers are long windy roads with many stops and starts along the way. Who knows how long I will stay home for – time will tell.
Letting go of our nanny was THE low point for me in this whole process, I hated doing it and really fretted over when to tell her. In fact, someone actually gave me a hard time about how I handled it and indicated that I did wrong by our nanny by not telling her sooner.
Because determining when to tell her was something that I really struggled with and I know I am not alone in this – I want to talk more about it and why I actually stand firm in how I handled it with our nanny.
My husband and I both decided that we needed to make a decision that is best for our kids, and it’s impossible not to worry that an employee would start taking things less seriously once they know their time is up. Also, we needed the nanny to stick around until her last day of work – and who’s to say that the nanny isn’t going to up and quit two days after you give her notice because she’s found a better, higher paying job. Call me crazy, but I am quite sure that is a common scenario. It’s a dog eat dog world out there.
So we concluded that just like corporations don’t give employees 2 and 3 month notice that they are going to be let go, we didn’t give our nanny 2 or 3 month notice that she was going to be let go. I also didn’t know that far in advance. When my current boss let me know that this coming Friday could be my last day, I then told my nanny the next morning when I saw her in person. She got one week’s notice and is getting two weeks severance and I am doing everything I can to help her line up work.
As for what happens next, who knows. Having worked in this town for 13 years, it will be strange to wake up on Monday morning and know that I won’t be getting a paycheck but it also seems very liberating. My current employer wants me to freelance and several others have indicated as much as well – so I have a hunch that I’ll keep my fingers in the pot and just have to figure out how to manage it – just like everyone else.
So stay tuned for KT’s musings on mommy-land. Frankly none of it seems real just yet.
When we started DD1 in preschool, she was still a baby – just 2. At the first town hall meeting we went too, the head of the school asked the parents to only believe half of what the kids tell us about them and they will only believe half of what the kids tell them about us. The notion of this amused me but well…..I had only a 2 year old – so it didn’t really apply to me.
Fast forward to living with a critter who is a few months into the 3s, and guess what…oh, it applies now.
Case in point.
The other day, our nanny came over to take DD1 out for a bit to give moi a much needed break and let her burn off steam. I swear, why didn’t anyone warn us that with 3 year olds, you need to run them like German Shepard puppies, which can be very challenging in the dead of winter?
That night, after putting DD1 to bed, DH came downstairs deeply concerned. When asked about her outing, DD1 informed DH that she played in the park with Jose while our nanny sat in the car.
Hmm.
This story didn’t really add up in my mind. We discussed it briefly and then frankly, I forgot about it.
The next night at dinner, the subject came up and again, DD1 innocently tells us about how she played at the park with Jose while the nanny sat in the car.
This time I focused and started to worry. The story remained the same a full day later. Might there be truth to it? Was nanny getting lazy? Jose is her daughter’s BF and while he is perfectly nice, he is a kid and well, I’m not paying him to watch my kid. And why was nanny in the car? It wasn’t that cold out. WTF.
DH tells me that this bothers him deeply. I begin to fret over how to raise it with nanny without accusing her based on the words of a 3-year-old. But naturally I began to wonder how often this happens? What else are we going to learn as she tells us more? My mind started going to places where no parent’s mind should go…..
Oh lord – how can I go back to work when our child is being tossed to teens in parks?
Fortunately with a baby in the house, no worries keep me up at night, a world war couldn’t keep me from sleeping, so I was as rested as possible the next morning while I casually raised it with nanny.
Time to harken back to only believing 50% of what they tell you……
Turns out they randomly ran into Jose at the mall (he was applying for a job)…and he walked with them to the play area in the mall…where nanny stood next to the little cars that the toddlers ride around in for amusement while mommy shops…..
HILARIOUS
Crisis averted.
And well….she did play with Jose at the “park” while nanny was next to the car (not in but is there a difference when 3?)……so she got it all right in her mind, that’s how it played out.
It was a great lesson for us in taking everything with a grain of salt.
And for your amusement, it seems that if I want to have an affair, I better do it while DD1 is at school…because the other day a guy was here fixing a window. Shortly after, DH came home from work and went upstairs to see DD1 as she was playing. Apparently the first thing she told him was “Daddy, there was a man here.”
HA!
I guess I better stop bad mouthing people in front of her too….
Like all customers, it started innocently enough….I just got my feet wet….but before I knew it, I’d become the Elliot Spitzer of the home project world with my nanny as my pimp.
Sure, I’m not crossing state lines with prostitutes and I’m pretty sure the FBI isn’t surveilling me but seriously, I am ADDICTED.
See, I used to think I needed a wife. Now I’ve realized I have something better – a nanny. I tell her what I want done, she finds me the right people for the right price and before I know it – they are at my house, wrapping up various odds and ends. I come home from work and it’s all done. Finished. Complete. With no real effort on my part.
It’s like being a man and just showing up one day and getting a baby!
What prompted all of this?
The same thing that leads blossoming politicians and presidents astray, I’m sure, I just got tired of waiting for my DH to get it done.
It began with just some leaves being cleaned up and bagged and taken away. They’d been in that corner of our yard for THREE YEARS. With that first time, I was nervous and I didn’t tell my spouse, I just arranged for the job to get done. What I forgot was he would be home that day to take DD to school and he called saying “Who is Jose and why is he in our yard?”
HA – busted.
But see, Jose came and he took it all away and that corner of my back yard never looked better.
So I was hooked. What else was bothering me? What else needed done and the response from DH was always this: “I’ll get to it.”
Uh huh…sure you will.
As it turns out, there is SO MUCH to be done around the house…and the nanny has someone for everything.
Now DH is fully on board with this..he doesn’t even ask…he just acknowledges when something is fixed and nods his head. He sees the beauty in the nanny as our pimp. I am in hog heaven. Things have never been so clean, so organized and so expeditiously done chez moi.
So for all of you who also joined me in believing you need a wife – it turns out it’s not true! You just need a nanny as your pimp – and I’d recommend you cut your husband out of the process – just tell her what you need, settle on a price – and get it done. It’s magical.
