If there’s one part of pop culture I know very little about, it’s comics about superheroes. Yet, my husband loves Spiderman, so I’ve seen the first two movies. Naturally, the very eloquent line delievered by Spiderman’s Aunt stuck with me, as it surely did everyone, and that is, a reminder that with great power comes great responsibility.

Yeah yeah. I know, surely Spiderman’s Aunt didn’t really coin the phrase. Regardless, I am noticing a trend and feel that it is time to discuss it.

Being a Communicator, it is my job to know the latest and greatest ways to reach out to your target audience and well, influence them.

With the popularity of the Internet and now Blogs, comes a whole new avenue for reaching out to target audiences. I mean, really, isn’t it a marketers dream to have easy access to a highly specific, targeted group of individuals?

And isn’t that what marketers have access too with the growing expanse of Mommy Bloggers?

Mais oui, kittens. That is exactly what is happening.

Large, sophisticated companies and industries are investing marketing dollars on reaching out to large and influential mom bloggers. I mean – isn’t it a no brainer? These women generate thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of clicks a day. The mom bloggers aren’t jaded like reporters – you can approach them and pitch them on something, and if you throw in some perks like a trip to the set of  TV show or a visit to the set of a Movie, or an insider’s glimpse into a McDonald’s corporate kitchen -well, they’re likely going to think it’s pretty cool.

And the unstated goal in all of this – is that these powerful and influential mommy bloggers will go home and well, blog about it. And then their readers will do what – go watch the show? Go see the movie? Go buy the product.

Of course.

Just this morning I read about McDonald’s new effort to combat negative stereotypes about their unhealthy food (I’m sorry, did I die and wake up in heaven? Fries aren’t bad for you anymore?) – by inviting popular Mom bloggers to their corporate kitchen over the course of the next few months.

http://blogher.org/node/20770

(NOTE: to any corporate communicators patroling mom blogs out there – I’m open to fashion invitations, like say, from baby gap. but McD’s – not so much).

OK. OK. So really – what’s my point in all of this?

From the communications standpoint, pitching mom bloggers is a no brainer and well, somewhat brilliant.

From a mom blogger and reader of mom blog’s standpoint, I have a few issues. And frankly, I am one of the more jaded people out there, given my line of work.

I blog about being a mom, just as I read others’ blogs about mommyhood because, well, we all have something in common. We share the same job – and it’s the toughest one out there. When someone tips me off to something that really worked with a baby’s nasty cold or a great piece of super soft and well fitting clothing – I’m going to believe them because I inherently am going to trust a mom blogging about motherhood.

I would hate for this final frontier to fall to the enticements that come with being approached by large corporations with lots of money. I would hate to suddenly feel skeptical of other mom bloggers when discussing specific products.

(TVs, Movies – who cares – that doesn’t impact me. And hell, I’d go visit a set too) – but products, clothes, Triaminic, these types of tips – let’s keep them pure and fresh as the new fallen snow, shall we?

In the spirit of welcoming new babies into this world, I decided to blog on something unspoken today.

What is that, you wonder?

The real reason why Paris Hilton was released from Prison?

The logic behind lighting up a cig as soon as you exit the gym, HoHan style?

Whether or not Nicole Ritchie is preggo?

Mais non!

Not today!

In the spirit of KT’s BFF’s both having, and now, bringing home their brand new beautiful babies, I am going to pull back the curtain on the truth behind…..drumroll….the FIRST NIGHT HOME WITH BABY.

First, let me caution you all. There is, in fact, NO RETURN POLICY for babies.

And that, dear kittens, is what you will find yourself wondering between midnight-4am on your first night home. You will likely be crying.

Your husband will be pacing the hallways.

OH -and your beloved bundle of joy?

Yeah…not so happy.

Why is baby so difficult that first night? Why so restless? Why so fussy? WHY WON’T SHE SLEEP!

You will find yourself wondering.

And remember, there is no receipt that came with this baby, except that hefty hospital bill and a birth certificate proving this baby is all yours. There is no return policy.

C’est vrai.

One of KT’s dear friends spoke in hushed tones of her first night home from hospital with baby. It was awful. Baby was inconsolable, mommy exhausted, everyone except baby wants to sleep. She wondered if she could return baby to hospital.

Afterall, in the hospital, baby didn’t act like this! Baby was so good! Baby slept perfectly.

Mais non, kittens.

In the hospital, you have a team of nurses that are doing all the work. You just don’t realize it because you’re tired.

For me, the first night home from the hospital actually wasn’t bad. And I remember feeling so relieved that next morning.

We only had to get up TWICE!

And she went right back down easily each time.

HA HA! Surely we were in the clear! Surely I birthed world’s most SUPERIOR BABY! One who doesn’t wake up undesirable amounts of time and ALWAYS goes back to bed, IMMEDIATELY upon filling her tummy.

Right? I am superior, therefore I birth only superior offspring.  

WRONG.

Remember – number one rule of fight pharmacy club – whenever you think it won’t happen to you. It will. And soon. And worse than you think. KT is not dramatic when speaking about newborns.

And so. Night two was HORRENDOUS for me. I looked for that receipt. I wondered what the return policy was. I had every book printed and sold out on the coffee table, desperately looking for an answer.

I called my mother at 6 in the morning (thanksgiving morning of 2005, I will never forget it). I was crying my eyes out. I didn’t know how to make it stop. How do I make the crying stop? How do we get her back to sleep? When can we sleep? Just make it stop.

Ahh..kittens…..if this hasn’t happened to you because you are pregnant or childless, it will happen to you should you have children. You’ve been warned. I had been warned, I just didn’t heed the warning because it didn’t happen to me on the first night home. I thought I got off scott free.

No one gets off scott free. And if you said you did, then you’re lying. And if you claim you’re not lying, some sleep deprived parent is going to come over and kick your ass.

And you deserve it.

And so, dear kittens, I leave you with this: there is no return policy for your baby. Part of the problem is that as a brand new parent, you don’t know what you are doing, and so, you are being trained by your child. The roles have reversed.

But it gets better. Trust me, it really really really gets better. And while KT is happy to help out any new mom, don’t call me in the middle of the night. I’ve been there, done that, but would love to discuss ideas for attacking the next night, oh, after I’ve luxuriated over morning coffee the next morning. Heh heh.

Go forth new momma’s – and love that baby. It all goes by so fast and in a blur. And just know that you are not alone when you find yourself wondering about that return policy…..