Category Archives: Motherhood

It’s just your hormones

Yes, hearing and reading that actually makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth.

A few weeks ago, Business Week featured a “case study” online about a woman returning to work after maternity leave.

http://www.businessweek.com/managing/content/sep2007/ca20070913_815563.htm

Apparently the scenario includes a boss that seems distant and a new mom unsure of how to handle the situation. Is she being treated differently because she is a mother? Is her boss upset that she no longer can put in the same long hours in the office as she did before she had a baby, even if she finishes her work at home later at night? What should she do?

It’s a scenario that’s all-too familiar to most of us and so I read it with some optimism, perhaps we would be given some productive tips on how to handle this delicate and complicated situation. After-all, returning to work from maternity leave is a big step for all of us. We realize that after many years of being dedicated to our careers, suddenly we might not be quite as dedicated anymore. Suddenly we have this living, breathing, adorable bundle at home who needs us and the importance of our work can be called into question.

As we are grappling with these very real and very big issues, sometimes we also have to grapple with the response of our boss and co-workers to the new us. While I generally despise all media commentary on working and motherhood, I read on with interest.

Until I came to a screeching halt and yelped out in anger and shock. It was almost like my computer shut down and I was no longer reading a case study but rather I was suddenly strapped into my chair and being force fed the blithering hypocrisy of Rush Limbaugh.

You see Kittens, the “expert” that Business Week used in this scenario (that has my claws out and really sharpened) goes on to suggest that it’s likely that it might not be the woman’s boss who is behaving differently….in fact…it could just be the new mom’s “hormones.”

X!)!)!DLSDFLKH:LKDSLSD:FOIU@@#~!!!!!

That is my censored and highly intelligent response.

In other words, BITE ME “HR Consultant.” Here is the exact quote in case you think I’m making this up or am being dramatic, as I’m known to be from time-to-time:

“Maybe it’s not her boss that’s changed; it’s her. “I’ve seen problems caused by hormonal changes in a new mother,” says Lee.”

Have we suddenly been set back 50 years by this suggestion, or is it me? 

Time after time, what we are given by the media is just a bunch of ridiculous drama that doesn’t seem to do us any good. We are hormonal, we are damaging our kids by putting them in daycare, we are failing future generations of women by stepping out of the workforce and instead staying home with our kids, and on and on and on. Blah blah blah.

As you might recall, I actually put forth a ban on gabbing about these ridiculous media stories but this one, I couldn’t resist.

It’s just your hormones, kittens, get a hold of yourself. Right?

Wrong.

My Little Red-Headed Halloween Stalker

I’m discovering that it really is true what they say about kids. With Halloween decorations out in full display all around our neighborhood and our house, it’s like I am experiencing the joys and thrills of Halloween for the first time.

Last Sunday, while darling daughter was napping, I busted out Halloween decorations. I focused on hanging all the witches and ghosts and pumpkins low – like at her eye level – all around the house.  I really wasn’t entirely sure how she would respond when she woke up but my hunch was that she would be really into it. After-all, I have very clear memories of the joy I felt upon arriving home from school only to find that my mom had decorated the house, top to bottom, for whatever holiday was upon us. You name it, she decorated.

But I totally underestimated just how much my daughter would respond.

She’s OBSESSED. “Mas pumpkins!” “Mas Ghost” “Mas Witches” – this is what I hear now – every day. She just wants more. She loves to walk around, admire each one, talk about them and then move on. She’s on a hunt to find “mas.”

And so, what is the solution? “Outside! Mas Ghosts Outside” she tells me. So off we go. We are like tigers on a hunt, our prey is anyone’s outdoor Halloween decorations.

There are no boundaries when you are coming on 2. If it’s outside, it’s clearly yours. Otherwise it wouldn’t be outside, right?

Yes. Clearly I’m having trouble anti inflammatories explaining boundaries, I’m thinking a lot of people wouldn’t be amused to look out front and find us loitering on the lawn, hovering over the ghost or scarecrow they’ve placed in their lawn……

Which brings me to my darling daughter’s stalking tendencies. See, it seems that the big fat puffy witch hanging on my next door neighbor’s door is the best thing since Popsicles and Elmo.

You got it. That witch is the cat’s meow. And the bunny we used to go visit every night has been kicked to the wind. Bunny? What bunny? Who cares about some stinking bunny when there are WITCHES?

So off we go, over to stand at the neighbor’s front door and admire her witch. Last night my neighbor was walking by her front door and imagine her surprise to see the two of us standing there, basically staring back.

But see, that’s not the end of it.

Imagine my neighbor’s surprise this morning, before the clock even hit 8am, as she opened her front door and guess who was standing there?

You got it!

Me and darling daughter. Admiring the witch.

I tried to back away onto the front lawn as I heard her behind her door…I didn’t want to scare the hell out of her first thing in the morning.

Fortunately my neighbor is amused right now. I mean, let’s be honest, my daughter is super cute and she just loves the witch. It’s adorable.

But…it’s also only October 5.

Will this still be so charming by October 31?

Hello Pot, it’s Kettle Calling

The President did it. He vetoed the State Children’s Health Insurance Program, just as he threatened he would. He voted AGAINST providing 3.5 million poor children with health care and the best part is the irony. How ironic that the most prolific spender, the man who has increased our budget and spends $1 billion a day in Iraq, claims it is “too costly.”

Senator Kennedy had a fabulous quote about this veto stating: “I think that this is probably the most inexplicable veto in the history of the country. It is incomprehensible. It is intolerable. It’s unacceptable.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has indicated that she will work furiously to get the votes needed to overturn this abhorrent veto.

In the meantime, uber-organized group MomsRising wasted no time in getting out an email to its vast membership and calling for a rally today, click here to learn more:

http://pol.moveon.org/event/events/index.html?action_id=97&rc=mom_attend

MomsRising also included some startling statistics in their call-to-action email that I think we should all take note of:

 *12% of American Children don’t have any insurance coverage at all
* The U.S. Ranks 37th in the world for infant mortality
* One-in-five U.S. jobs does not provide health insurance, a pension, or wages high enough to support a family
* For a family of 4, one year of health insurance costs an average of 11,000
* Over 1/2 of all bankruptcy filings in 2001 were a result of medical expenses

The bottom line is that having access to proper health care impacts every one of us. As I’ve said before, it is SHAMEFUL that we have so many uninsured poor children in this country, let alone so many uninsured Americans. I hope you will take note of whether your Representative or Senator supported this Bill or voted against and contact the ones that voted against. It’s the least we can do to help support Pelosi in her attempt to over-turn this absurd and abhorrent veto.

Pushin’ Presents

It’s a rare day when I am pleased with a segment on motherhood on the Today Show. Unfortunately I missed the segment on “Pushin’ Presents” this morning but a friend reminded me of it and well….there’s a story about it on their web site:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21101071/

And so first, let me say that I think the phrase “baby present” is much more desirable and easier on the ear than “Pushin’ Present.” So moving forward, we will refer to it as a baby present.

That being said, I know there are two schools of thought out there. One is that well, you receive a baby present after you have a baby – and this gift should come from your husband or partner to you. The other is that it is ridiculous and why should you receive such a thing?

I’m thinking we can all figure out who falls in which camp…over in one corner we have the women advocating for baby gifts and in the other we have the husbands wondering WTF.

So once again, I will take it upon myself to comment.

It is my belief that once you endure 9 or 10 months of pregnancy..and then you get that baby out of you – however that baby might come out – you are more than deserving of a gift. See, the American Husband – he can just show up one day, help hold your leg back for however long it takes and bam – he gets a baby.

But you – need I get into all the things you go through in order to bring this child into the world? If you don’t know yet well, you’ll find out soon enough.

I also believe that while the husband might think that purchasing a gift for his wife is nonsense BEFORE the baby is born, even if you’ve had a difficult pregnancy, I firmly believe that once he witnesses precisely what you go through to give him this child, he’ll quickly change his mind, all the while thanking the good Lord above that he is a man.

If you are still pregnant and doubtful that this day of enlightenment will ever shine brightly upon your husband, fear not kittens, just trust me. Of course, if you are foolish enough to not want your husband in the room because you don’t want him to “not desire you” or “see you that exposed” – well then you’re an idiot and I don’t feel sorry for you if you don’t get anything. I am of the belief that your husband helped get you in this situation – he sure as hell is going to be there to witness what you have to do to get out of this situation. Why should he get off scott-free? It’s bad enough that his boobies will never engorge.

So, now that we’ve established that you’ve more than earned a gift, let’s discuss what this gift might be and how you go about getting what you want.

First, you might have a husband who is a masterful gift giver and will rush off and purchase you something extravagant or sparkly and just dazzle you in the moment of surprise when he presents said gift. If that is the case then bless you. You deserve it.

This might not be the case, however, so then you are left wondering – do you sit around and hope it’s a good one or do you chime in?

Ladies – again – you’ve endured enough – if there is something that you have your eye on, then don’t be a martyr, SPEAK UP. Communicate this to your husband. In my personal situation, I was really hoping that my darling husband would just blow me away,  but he just felt overwhelmed. I still don’t know if before I went into labor, he actually thought he was going to get me anything, but he certainly must have changed his mind and he felt like it was too big of a decision to make on his own.

So off we went together, me, husband, darling new daughter and all my extra baby weight, off in search of what this gift would be. It didn’t feel overly romantic at the time but again – I’d been through enough and at the end of the day, I received something very lovely.

Which brings me to the final point – this doesn’t need to be a gift that breaks the bank or puts you in debt. Hell, supporting a child will do that enough. But it should be something meaningful and with the best intentions, you might actually believe that you will impart this gift to your child one day when he/she is old enough.

Of course, that might just be the new mommy love talking in you. The hardened, tired parent of a 25 year old might feel quite differently but we don’t need to worry about that right now.  Hell, the hardened tired parent of an almost 2-year old already feels differently about that on some days.

All I’m sayin is that at the end of the day, if momma’s happy, everyone’s happy, and on the days when you’re particularly exhausted or pissed off at your husband, it just might help a little bit to look down and admire your baby gift instead of that muffin top that you can’t seem to get rid of.