Category Archives: Motherhood

MADS

As I was sitting here, feeling tired and grumpy, cursing daylight savings and how anti-parenthood it is, one of KT’s BFFs emailed me. She was also feeling tired and grumpy and possibly, like me, relieved to be at work today with a bit of a break. She ranted about daylight savings time and said we should start MADS: Mothers Against Daylight Savings.

 HOW BRILLIANT, I thought.

I don’t know about you, but by 8:45am yesterday, my husband and I had accomplished the following tasks because our day started at 4:45am:

Breakfast: made, eaten and cleaned up

Exercise: 45 minute walk with dog and baby

Grocery Shopping: went to store, purchased groceries for the week, came home, put them away and cleaned out contents of fridge

Clothing: Summer clothes removed from shelves and stored away, winter sweaters brought from basement and put away in appropriate spot in bedroom, closet cleaned out and two bags filled to go to Salvation Army

Home Renovation: Expansion project to begin this week, guest room contents largely emptied and stored away in basement

TV: Elmo Halloween DVD watched two times.

Again, these things were all accomplished by 8:45am.

If you are sitting there thinking I should be happy to have accomplished so much in one day by that hideous time of the morning, then bite me. We are no longer friends and you clearly don’t have children so I ban you from my blog.

My BFF who is the founder and President of MADS accomplished the following (her day -started at 5:45am):

I had done 5 loads of laundry, made pancakes, ran the dishwasher, cleaned up toys, and showered by 9:00 a.m. yesterday – that is just wrong.  And, when I was in the laundry room at 7:30 a.m., it was filled with who – mommies – all mad about daylight savings.  I am serious – we could put an end to it.  We aren’t farmers anymore – why is it necessary??? 

 

Again, that is way too much to be accomplished by 9am. Shall we all bow to the President and founder of MADS? A brilliant point is made – why is it actually necessary to have daylight savings time anymore? It is a curse. It is a curse to parents nationwide. We don’t get an extra hour of sleep, we get an extra hour of AWAKE TIME at a HIDEOUS TIME and it just gives us more work to do in one day. Then we have to spend a few days getting our child adjusted to the new time, dealing with naps, cranky behavior, etc.

 

If you would like to join MADS, you are welcome, just submit your complaint here and let us know what you had accomplished by 9am yesterday.

Whatever happened to leashes?

When I was a kid, we lived in London for about four years…recall….I bragged a few weeks ago about how I am the master of all international television….I love being a braggart.

OK – so back in the day, we roamed the streets of London with nary a worry. I was in the 6th grade, I was 12, and I would take public transportation by myself all around London. Hopping the double decker buses, minding the gap on the tube, it didn’t matter, I got where I needed to go. I had free reign and well, I always came home, so I’m pretty sure my parents weren’t too worried.  That and I had three other sisters to keep them busy.

During those carefree days roaming the streets of London, I recall noticing that there was a certain trend among the British parents that disturbed me a bit. I might have been only 12, but I wasn’t too young to judge. Mais non! I could still size up parenting skills and choices and cast my eyes down, mocking them in disdain. This particular British trend that didn’t sit well with me at the time was leashes. Not for puppies, silly, but for kids.

You got it. Ahh….the mean streets of London in the 80s. Punkers were everywhere, the Sex Pistols were still really cool, even though I was likely listening to AHa! and Boy George on my super sweet pink Walkman, riding those buses around town. But still, in order to keep order amongst the chaos, apparently the British parents felt they needed to keep their toddlers on a leash.

My tween self wondered, can’t they control their brats? Why can’t they just learn to walk with their parents? Further, this violation of personal liberty really tugged at my liberal heart strings. Didn’t these children have the right to roam free? Was this another example of Margaret Thatcher and Reagan keeping the man down? Controlling even the youngest, most unsuspecting of tykes, surely I wondered, as I thought about boys, the upcoming Sadie Hawkins dance and if my bangs would curl up and stay that way.

Now, 20 years later, while I still have the fresh faced, glowing skin of a tween, I might have some conflicting thoughts about the old leash trick. But then again, maybe not. After chasing around a busy and fast toddler since she found her mobility last January (much to my chagrin), I have found myself wondering a few times if a leash might be the way to go. If maybe those lazy, bad teeth British parents might have gotten something right?

And yet, I still cringe when I see parents using the leash. It still just seems wrong to me. I wonder to myself, by using a leash, are you just delaying the inevitable? At some point, don’t you have to just let them roam and teach them to be safe, stay out of the street, and hold your hand? Will they really learn this if they are kept on a leash so much?

I’m pretty sure my husband would go for the leash if I would let him. I mean, if for no other reason than the already established understanding that the American Husband is inherently lazy, and well, leashing a toddler means less running and chasing for the rest of us, right? Right. But see, there’s another reason I think my husband would be pro-leash, he’s been itching to install a GPS tracker into our darling daughter since the week she was born.

You got it, apparently he has no concern for civil liberties and personal freedom if he can unabashedly wish to track our daughter at all times. In fact, he once told his co-workers that he had already installed such a tracker into the sole of her foot and the thing is, they believed him.

So then, imagine my surprise when I read this story about jackets with GPS tracking devices built in for children (and shocker – note the byline – it comes out of…where else..wait for it…..LONDON):

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hvCLQyjDwOmcw4hSmwESXnVosu5A

According to the AP: “The jackets, released this week by the British clothing company Bladerunner, have a GPS tracking device in the lining. The device can track the jacket anywhere in the world, within 43 square feet.”

Using Google Maps, the parents can track where their child is, and the location is updated every 10 seconds.

I mean, honestly, is this insane or what? Sure, the voyeur/stalker in every one of us parents is intrigued by such an invention. We can cloak it as “concern for their safety” but really, who are you kidding? As your child grows and gains more independence, isn’t it just comforting for you, as the parent, to know where the hell they are at all times?

Sure, it is. Of course it is. That and you like to spy.

But it’s also psycho. And what good does it do your child. Doesn’t it teach them that you, inherently, do not trust them at all? Furthermore, that they should be so afraid of this big world that they need to have satellites and google maps updating parents on their cell phone, as to their whereabouts?

I will admit that now that I am a parent, I give props to my parents for just letting their children roam and explore these cities all around the world as we were growing up. Sometimes we were, truthfully, up to no good, but wouldn’t we have been up to no good anywhere?

The reality is they let us build up our confidence and sense of adventure.

But that’s not the only point. The point is that high tech parenting likely comes with a price, one that I’m not willing to pay.

Boo!

It is with great sadness that I wish you all a Happy Halloween…

Why so sad, you wonder?

Because after a month of anticipation and build-up, it will all be over with tomorrow. You’ve read my entries before on how much my darling daughter has grown to love this holiday and honestly, her obsession has just grown over the course of the past month. A whole new part of her personality has come out this month and its just been more fun than ever with her.

What has surprised me the most is how much she loves the super scary, creepy parts about Halloween. Like enormous monsters with flashing red eyes hanging in front of a neighbors house. It might send chills up my spine as I avert my eyes…but not my daughter….she is pointing and laughing and jumping out of her stroller shouting “MONSTER!!!” as she soaks it all in.

It is hilarious. But kind of strange. Some of you might have heard that she was stalking a tween boy at a Halloween party because he was dressed up like a scary Skeleton.

Her other prey was a kid dressed up in that creepy costume from “Scream” (yes, also part of famous artwork but I’m too lazy to look up the artist). Again, she will be 2 in a few weeks. Its really unexpected.

Last night we carved the pumpkin after she went to sleep and had it all set up for when she came down this morning. We kept the lights off and had the pumpkin lit in the kitchen so when she walked in, she’d see her first jack-o-lantern. Her reaction was anything but luke warm.

She started dancing and laughing and pointing and saying “Pumpkin! Happy Halloween! Pumpkin!” as her Halloween dance continued in front of the pumpkin.

And so, it is with great sadness that I face down November 1st. All the Halloween decorations will be put away, all the witches and goblins and ghosts will return to their resting place, and I have no idea how I will explain their absence to her. Meanwhile I am soliciting ideas on how to make pilgrims, Indians and turkeys just as exciting.

Have a Happy Halloween today kittens…and have so much fun with your little ones tonight in their costumes!  

Here’s hoping I don’t find too much solace in left-over Halloween candy tonight, as I mourn the passing of this great holiday……

Baby Bump, Baby Weight

A quick glance at myself as I cruised past a full-view mirror at the office today revealed that if I were a celeb, the gossip rags would all be suspicious that I am preggo. Seems that maybe where my skirt hits my belly with a shorter cardigan on top, it might not be the most flattering look. At least from the side. I’m always pretty from the front (and the back), they say…

The quick mirror glance followed by reading up on the most current issues of People and US got me thinking. And mad. Shocker.

First, one of them is speculating that Katie Holmes is preggo again. Let’s be clear – she’s my least fav celeb mom, she seems way more preoccupied with her hair and her couture clothing than she does with her child.

Yeah yeah, bite me with “You don’t know what happens behind closed doors,” I’m catty. And seeing Katie Holmes in a park in Germany “chasing” after her toddler in like 6 inch heels, following her stint on the Mediterranean this summer in a one-piece and heels on the beach with Suri in tow, makes me cringe. I’d much rather see Jenny Garner tooling around NYC in sneakers with Violet in tow.

But setting all that aside, Katie Holmes’ suspected “baby bump” was hardly that. Hell, I am looking 36 weeks preggo in comparison to her bump (no, I’m not pregnant. nor do I want to be right now). Then the next shot is one of her in one of those “baby doll” dresses only further feeding the fire of speculation (those dresses  fall into the same category as empire waist for me – why wear stuff that seems like maternity wear unless you are preggo?).

I’m left wondering – does it feel crappy to have the world speculate that you are pregnant when you are not pregnant (unless she is)? I mean – no matter how thin you are, it really can’t feel good.

Which brings me back to that age-old rant about celebs and taking off the baby weight. Recall how hideous Jamie Pressly was at the Emmys with her talk of the cabbage detox diet and working out mere days after the birth of her child.

Hello….La La land…this is reality calling…and it doesn’t work out like that for the rest of us “normal folk.”

So then I read the interview with Trista from the Bachelorette, and while I question her being a “celebrity” and worthy of front page People exposure, at least she gets herself out there. But the US cover story on Trista losing her baby weight by the New Year REALLY pissed me off.

The way she’s going about losing it seems normal enough. Her son is 3 months old, she only has that last horrid 10 pounds to go and she did talk about the importance of eating healthy and enough food for her son and breastfeeding. SO that’s great. But she also sounded psycho. She mouths off about how fat and unattractive she is, how much she doesn’t think her husband wants her, meanwhile she weighs like 116 pounds and is a size 4.

And she spends A LOT of time talking about how she can barely look at herself in the mirror.

Excuse me while I go wipe some vomit from my mouth…..

OK – so again – I realize that Trista is not a celebrity by KT’s standards but the sad truth is that she’s likely to be some young tween’s role model. I can assure you, she will not be my child’s role model but hell, she’s just coming on 2, so who knows. The bottom line is that young, impressionable girls read these mags. Just like sleep deprived, heavier than normal, hormonal new mommy’s are probably reading this magazine, and to read that just over 110 pounds and a size 4 just 3 months after giving birth, or ever quite frankly, is disgusting and foul and warrants husband reassurance that she is sexy – is pathetic.

Even if I didn’t have a daughter, I’d still be mouthing off at this. I’m not suggesting that Trista’s words should have been edited, I’m suggesting that Trista should have edited herself before saying it in such a public, influential space (ha ha, yes, I just called US “influential” – ha ha). And if Trista is too caught up in her own pathetic insecure body image to censor and control herself in an interview, then US Weekly should have included one of their “inset boxes” with an “expert” talking about how that is a very healthy and small weight.

Right?

I am, of course, fired up.