Category Archives: Motherhood

My House. It Doesn’t Rise Up to Greet Me Pleasantly.

I love creating my own Someecards. Photo Credit: Someecards

Oprah says your  home should rise up to greet you.

Maybe my first problem is I don’t know what that means.

Or maybe I don’t especially love what my home says when it greets me.

Or maybe my  problem is I have children.

And what is it that my home should say, when it rises up to greet me? Should it say “Look, mommy, there’s a mouse-hole in the shower!” as my daughter did the other day, when she was pointing to what was actually some mold in the corner of the shower….our cleaning lady kept cancelling on me and I ran out of Clorox to get rid of that bad boy……

So is that what Oprah means about our homes rising up to greet us?

Is it me or is it next to impossible to not have total chaos in the home? Particularly during summer?? And it’s not just children here. Children are rivaled only by the husband.   I know I’m not the only one who finds work socks on the dining room table, for example. And hammers on low window ledges that 19 month olds with gumby arms can reach easily.

I’ve been known to take a collection of dirty, sweaty socks improperly strewn throughout my home and carefully put them between two pillows in bed….the pillows used by Mr. Wired Momma. Unfortunately this does not phase him.

My favorite story on this topic came from my workout instructor, mom to three kids. One fall day, her back door wasn’t shut properly and blew open when she was taking the kids to school and running errands. The alarm went off, the police arrived to the house before she did and said “Ma’am, it looks like this place has been ransacked.”

Sounds about right.

So Oprah’s home might rise up to greet her quite differently than mine. Mine rises up and says “Do others raise children who know discarded food belongs in the trash, not the floor.”

And maybe Stedman puts his socks in the laundry basket.

“Like” Wired Momma on Facebook so we can trash Oprah and talk more about what our homes would actually say if they could greet us.

 

Observations from a Move

The last time I packed up and moved was October 2004. Back then, I left my one bedroom apartment on Connecticut Ave in Cleveland Park with my husband, a pick up truck and our biggest concern was making sure we reserved the elevator space so we could move out that day.

Fast forward to July 2012, 2 kids and a house later…..it’s a dramatically different scenario. Packing up your house to move forces you to take a hard look at yourself..and your habits…and how you accumulate stuff.

Frankly, this process exposes the bowels of your soul to yourself.  Here are 10 things I’ve learned about moi in the past few weeks:

 

Exhibit A: A stacked pile of baskets...along with random Easter duck & Hermie from Rudolph clearly not stored with seasonal items.

1. I love baskets for storing things…anything…you name it….big baskets with shoes, big baskets with stuffed animals, small baskets with hand towels. I have a problem.

 

2. I don’t know how to fold sheets…if I did….I’d realize I have way more sets of sheets in the linen closet than I ever believed possible.

3. My children have too many clothes.

4. Stuffed animals are the devil.

5. I might be a hoarder.

6. I can’t part with a purse even if it’s been 5 years since I last used it….it could come back to style (see #5).

7. Apparently I believe all of life’s moments deserve to be captured by the camera and then put into a picture frame. This is great. Until all the picture frames need to be wrapped and packed. (see #5).

8. I will never admit to the volume of things in my closet. This could be used against me by Mr. Wired Momma. So let’s remember again, my children have too many clothes. (see #5).

9. I clearly don’t think one junk drawer is enough. The question is – will I purge the junk drawer here or will I toss it in a box and then let my future self (you know, myself in exactly one week) determine whether to purge at new house or just toss into a new junk drawer? #MyFutureSelfFindsTodayMeAnnoying (see #5)

10. In my head, I’m super organized and I carefully put away the kids winter clothes, rotate out the ones that don’t fit them and put them in storage and keep all holiday related decorations stowed away in carefully labeled storage bins. In reality, not so much. I’m the queen of 3/4 done. This is highly annoying when moving and everything needs to belong somewhere. #WhereDoTheRandomsGo? (see #5).

And finally….moving sucks. But unpacking is awesome. Could someone project me to Friday? If you want to keep up with the WM fun between my move and when there’s time to write again, “Like” the WM Facebook page. There’s always time to post links and fun comments there.

Making Friends as an Adult

As many of you probably know about me, the Sunday NYT Style section is one of my favorite things to read each week, rivaled only by the “Meh” list in the Sunday NYT Magazine. This morning, I barely entered my front door with the Sunday paper when a good friend of mine emailed me asking if I’d read the “Making Friends at a Certain Age” article yet.

 

Let's open this store. Then we'd always have people. Photo Credit: Someecards

Intrigued, I dove right in, distracted only briefly by the other front page story about the breakup of the Cruise-Holmes facade marriage. If you didn’t read the “Friends” piece written by Alex Williams, a guy nonetheless, then I highly recommend it because Williams does a brilliant job of breaking down the reality of the difficulty in finding new friends as we age.  I think this topic is particularly relevant if you move to a new city as an adult and after you’ve just had your first baby.

 

For me, I moved to DC in 1996 after graduating college and left only once for a brief 18 month stint in graduate school to Evanston, Illinois. When you go to grad school, you get built-in friends, so that move doesn’t count (though noteworthy, I went into grad school with the attitude that I didn’t want any new friends because I’d already reached my limit of friends. Like applying a limit of Facebook friends to real life. Do you love it? Especially because that strategy failed miserably and I made some of my now-current-ongoing 10 years later best friends). But there are plenty of people in my inner circle who have moved legitimately to new cities and struggle to find new adult friends. And it doesn’t make sense – why do they struggle to make new friends when they are fabulous? Obviously they are fabulous if they are in my inner circle, right?

I think Williams lays it out in the article – life becomes more complicated as we age and also frankly, we have much less tolerance for something we might consider cute or funny or quirky about someone when we are older. Enter a tired, cranky, short on patience 30-something with a few demanding toddlers and a quirky adult who is flaky or constantly late (both of these characteristics describe me, btw) – and forget it – friendship ain’t gonna happen.

Also, we all have serious time constraints. As you know, I am moving this week – on Wednesday and Thursday (so why am I blogging when I should be packing??) and Williams lays out the conditions “crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.”

For me, over the past nine years as I settled into my new house with my husband and went on to have my kids, that place became this:

Husband venting, children venting, wine drinking...it all happens at the fence

 

and preschool.

Let’s start with the fence. Where else, as busy adults, can you find proximity, repeated unplanned interactions and a place to let your guard down than your fence in the back yard? This can span more broadly than your backyard however, and include your entire neighborhood (there were many times I roved the streets of my hood, like a brave explorer, on a quest to discover the only survival tool for the parent in the late afternoon: impromptu happy hours. In this realm of extreme parenting adventure, I am a true Olympian. Read: I was usually successful – perhaps I can smell wine 5 miles away? My mantle is now laden with gold medals).

I’m not sure how you hone in on the right neighborhood when you are moving to a new city but we lucked out. Having spent my entire childhood moving every few years to a new country, I never really knew what having a neighbor meant, let alone putting down roots in a neighborhood. Sometimes I wondered about it – but not really – I was a kid and I had what I needed. Now, I know. Having a next door neighbor or great neighborhood friends meets the criteria of proximity and unplanned. I spent 9 years at that fence with my next door neighbor, Julie, and it was never planned. She was standing in the driveway when we pulled up with our first-born for the first time (and I was crying and terrified) and her boys being older than my girls provided endless blog fodder and insight for me into what was coming my way.  Over 9 years, everyone moves through some pretty major milestones, whether it be marriage, divorce, pregnancies, loss and certainly in Montgomery County, chronic power outages.  So if you’re on the hunt for a great friend but you’re short on time, look next door or on your street.

I think neighborhood listservs have been one of the most helpful ways to foster relationships. The key is being willing to put yourself out there. Crash a few yards, or be out front with a glass of wine around 5pm, and you’ll be surprised what comes your way  (There are Olympian happy hour crashers in every neighborhood. Of this, I am certain). People will stop, they will pull their cars over – make shift happy hours can make for great friendships. Trust moi.

I’m probably going to need to take a dose of my own medicine in about a week, as I’m wondering why I left that fence and my street.

The second part of finding new friends for me has been preschool. Again, this was unplanned. I went into it not even considering the new adults around me or how I might someday be vacationing with them (see previous post on Deep Creek Lake and sister wives) – I was solely focused on getting our oldest into preschool. I lucked out. Again. What I’ve since decided is preschool is preschool – what do they do but play? Well, they learn to raise their hand and share, kind of, but other than that – they play. Don’t kid yourself otherwise. So when picking out preschool for your child, in retrospect, the best advice is to pick a school that attracts the kind of parents you want to be FRIENDS WITH.  Sure, it might be hard to generalize and you’re not going to like all the parents – but the philosophy and approach of the school is about more than just how they educate your child all day long – it’s also about your outlook on parenting and life – so here’s where you want to find other kindred spirits.

The sister wives from preschool are my people. Along with my early 20s working people, my grad school people and my neighborhood people. But the sister wives from preschool are the people I least expected because I wasn’t looking for them, didn’t know I needed them, and didn’t know I was missing them. But now look at them:

Don't leave home without the Sister Wives

You need sister wives from preschool because your kids are the same age and so as they get older, your chances of them playing together increases, so you can have uninterrupted conversations. It does happen.

So what about if you are in that lonely place of having a newborn or a baby but you aren’t yet to preschool or you’ve moved or both have happened – how do you find these new friends? The new people who can relate to your life as it is now, not how it was before you had a husband and children? Unfortunately I don’t know the answer but everyone needs people. Again, I think putting yourself out there is key – literally asking people to be friends. I have met many women at random music classes or parks who have told me how they’ve almost accosted other women, basically asking them to be friends. I also defer back to neighborhood listservs and putting yourself out there – asking for a play date. And the accidental causal glass of wine out front during the early evening. Don’t forget that one. You’ll need the kids out front too, otherwise you could look kind of pathetic and desperate.

The park is also prime friend-meeting territory. But tread lightly. Odds are the person next to you at the swings is also equally as bored with pushing their kid by about the 35th push. But read their body language like you do the seat meat on the airplane. They are either exuding friendliness or they don’t want you to talk to them and wish they had a book to stick their nose in, even if they, too, are bored. If they appear friendly – then before you know it – happy hour could be scheduled, disguised as a play date.

And in the end, I think as adults, it’s not about quantity but quality. All those people on Facebook pages, Twitter feeds and from college parties aren’t necessarily real friends – I think most of us just need a small few key people.

I’m curious how you all have met new friends as adults? And if there are any of you out there who are trying to meet new people? I’d be open to letting people post on the WM FB page about play dates or even if there’s a movie or evening thing you want to do – look at the WM Book Club – we were all strangers and we had a great night and can’t wait to do it again. What do you think? Thoughts? I can also post for you if you email me. I’d love to know what you think because everyone needs people. Everyone needs a fence, a neighbor, and some sister wives.

 

Today’s Topic: Summer Hair & Express Blowout Give Away

Spring 2011-iphone 134

We are mid-way through this brutal summer and if you are anything like me, you have crazy lion hair in the DC humidity, so in the spirit of “I am moving so you need to bear with me and accept re-posts of old posts” – today I am reminding you of this totally amazing post from last summer – complete with tips from one of DC’s best hair stylists, Denise Sharpe (and full disclosure, my hairstylist), including lessons with a flat iron and a chance to win an Express Blowout with Denise’s trained protege, Paula, or get a discount with Denise for an Express Blowout just because you love moi and you read this post. So read on, kittens.

If life’s lessons begin and end with an episode of Sesame Street , then I’m pretty sure this video wraps up how I don’t feel every summer about my hair, but really want too. In my head, on the beach or by the pool, I look like a sexy summer goddess.

Exhibit A:

Isn't this how you look at the pool?

In reality, well, quite the opposite.

Realizing I couldn’t face another summer of bad hair, I sought out some advice from my beloved hair stylist, Denise, of Denise Sharpe Hair, located in Bethesda. Denise has been a stylist for over 20 years and is also a mom to 3-year-old twin girls. So like us, she’s busy but stylish. Read on for invaluable hair and time-saving tips.

First, let’s talk about hair cut and color trends for the summer. Tell us what styles are popular right now, what looks will keep us from having bad mom hair, and what the color trends are hot for the spring and summer?

For the classic mom, a soft and side swept graduated bob is very popular, with some choppy layers to emphasize the texture of her cut. For the trendier mom, I’m doing more fringe and heavier bangs . The inception of Keratin Complex Treatments is making this style more accessible to women with wavy and frizzy hair because now they can have the fringe and the sleek bangs without the risk of too much frizz and curl. For the funkier mom, the glunge look is more popular.

Glunge? Do tell, I’ve never heard of it. Are we talking hair bands? Brett Michaels meets Kirk Cobain?

Yes! Glunge is the marriage of glamour and grunge. 80s hair band meeting 90s grunge band is spot on, but let’s think of attractive females as our visuals here, not unkempt dudes. Think Drew Barrymore meets JLo, so a loose messy tousle and this style hides kid puke and yogurt stains pretty well. Often this hair style looks unwashed, though it usually isn’t, with the help of synthetic products like pomade and dry shampoo .

So what about color trends for this time of year?

Michelle Williams’ icy blond look is very popular for blondes but it is high maintenance. It requires color about every 3-4 weeks. For red heads or brunettes, Drew Barrymore’s “St. Tropez” highlights work well for the summer. In that look, her scalp is a richer color and the ends are lighter. Also for red heads or brunettes, Kim Kardashian’s “Root Beer Float” highlights are very trendy, meaning she accents her rich dark brown color with warm reds. What’s important is to use a sulfate free shampoo on any of these treatments for maintenance.

Excellent. So moving on to the inevitable bad-hair day or when we are short on time, what is a busy gal to do?

Dry shampoo is the first thing I reach for on a day when I don’t have time to shower or wake up with bad hair. It helps revive the blowout from the day before, and I’d like to point out that it’s best for your hair if you don’t wash it every day.  Another quick fix is grabbing your child’s leave-in detangler. If you have longer hair, a side-swept braid is a good way to mask unwashed hair. A cost-effective way to clean up unwashed hair is using corn starch or baby powder. Think Julia Child and just grab a pinch of it, and you will notice how it absorbs oils and then use a wide tooth comb or paddle brush to brush your hair through. And finally, there’s always our friend the flat iron. The flat iron is perfect for working through random bed-head fly aways but also helps your hair not look so contrived; you can keep it loose and playful with the flat iron.

I’m glad you raise the issue of the flat iron. I routinely bow to the Gods who invented the flat iron. But how do I know I have the right flat iron for my hair? And are all flat irons created equal, do I really have to spend a mint because I bought mine at Target for $19.99.

What makes or breaks a good flat iron is really the edges. You want beveled edges, which means rounded, for smooth styling. If you hair is short or medium length, the beveled edges should be about an inch thick with a thin plate inside. You are looking for a square plate for hair that is longer than shoulder length. For blondes with the flat iron, keep it at the 350 temperature because blondes have delicate hair. Brunettes and natural red heads should put the flat iron temperature at 400-450 degrees. Remember that “slow and steady” wins the race with a flat iron. If you race through it at too high of a heat, you might have to repeat the process. And yes, you can purchase an inexpensive flat iron at Target or the grocery store, but it might need to be replaced in a few months whereas a more expensive one will last longer.

So what should we all have in our hair survivor kits or purses?

Depending on your hair style and length, you should pick from any or all of these 10 tips: non-elastic scrunchies like Goodie brand from the pharmacy aisle, non-butterfly flat clips for drying hair or styling hair, Bobby Pins complimentary to your hair color or hair pins to loosely pin back pieces, Rat Tail comb for sectioning or combing fringe, a thermal round brush for volume and flip, a diffuser to embrace your natural texture or curl, a blow dryer with a nozzle, pin curl clips for side swept bangs or to train new growing-in bangs to sweep over between haircuts, dry shampoo and a restylizer such as Wen lavender replenishing mist , Catwalk Curls Rock Curl Booster , “It’s a 10” miracle leave-in or Arrojo Hydromist .

Now tell me how I can possibly not have lion hair all summer long. I’ve tried every product under the sun; I spend gobs on product every summer trying to beat back the inevitable frizz and chaos that comes with DC humidity and I can flat iron to no avail, the minute I walk outside, I look like I’m wired for sound (perhaps the real reason I’m called Wired Momma…)

There are two things you can do, the Express Blowout or the Keratin Smoothing Treatment. The Express Blowout takes just under an hour, lasts for 4-5 weeks and costs between $99-$150 depending on the length of your hair. You do not need to use certain products after you get the Express Blowout, you just can’t wash your hair for 8 hours after. Some women wait a few days to wash their hair because they believe it makes the treatment last longer. But this is how you beat the humidity and keep your hair looking sleek in the summer. It’s really a perfect solution for the busy mom; you spend less time managing your hair and less money because you don’t need all the product. If you’d like a treatment that lasts longer, the Keratin Smoothing Treatment lasts 3-5 months, takes anywhere from 1.5 to 2.5 hours, depending on the length and density of your hair, and costs between $350-$500. For both of these treatments, you can get color at the same time.  One client told me that her hair was having an identity crisis after the Express Blowout because it really did stay smooth and sleek despite weather conditions. Look, why not have sleek hair and bodies all summer long, right?


Can pregnant or nursing moms use this treatment?

No. For pregnant or nursing moms or women who are environmentally conscious, we can do the Research in Beauty treatment. It is a keratin gold retexturizing treatment, free of formaldehyde and aldehydes. It lasts about 2-3 months and costs between $350-$500.

Update from Monica:

As soon as I heard about the Express Blowout, I was willing to kick an old lady down to get to the salon fast enough to try out this treatment. I had it done, waited about 12 hours to wash my hair and never believed it would work. Almost five weeks have passed and it is defying all the odds, my entire family is wondering where their mocking hair jokes have gone for the summer because I am still looking sleek and stylish – this after runs in the humidity, hours on the beach, even just walking outside. It is a summer miracle.  Also, I’ve not used any product or the flat iron because I haven’t needed too. Am I breaking up with my flat iron for the summer? I am ready to now sing “I love my hair”.

GIVE AWAY ALERT, FRIENDS:

Denise is offering 25% off to all Wired Momma readers who want to try the Express Blowout. All readers are eligible for the discount, just  mention this post to Denise when you go for your treatment. One lucky winner is going to win an Express Blowout with Denise’s protege, Paula. Entering to win is two-part: first head to the Wired Momma Facebook page, hit “Like” and either Like or comment in my post….then part two:  head over to the Denise Sharpe Hair Facebook page and hit “Like.”  The one lucky winner will be announced on Saturday July 21 on Facebook and the give-away winner can only redeem her Express Blowout on a Monday between 10-4 or  a Thursday between 11-7pm. Don’t forget, for everyone else, just mention this article to Denise to earn your 25% discount on the Express Blowout! Follow Denise on Twitter @sharpedenise for easy access to great haircare tips!

Happy summer . . . love your hair. . .