Kittens –

I apologize for being MIA last week. Once again, work has really taken a turn for extremely busy and it’s hampering my efforts to give you a KT fix, along with draining my creative juices. But fret not – things are looking up and you will find a bounce in your step again after hearing from me today. I wanted to be sure you could start off this week with a solid piece of me and my deep thoughts.

So what do I have for you today, kittens? Gather round…I have a tale as old as time.

First, let’s review. What are one of the central themes here on KT?

Let me remind you: If you think it won’t happen to you, you’re wrong and you might get it worse than others just for being smug.

What are one of the most charming and predictable traits about moi?

Why, the ability to scoff at my own advice, and fall trap for the very thing I openly and freely  mock others for doing: believing that something won’t happen to moi!

C’est vrai. Seems I’ve been known to fall victim to that a few times…but at least I’m not too proud to admit it.
So gather round.

As the first signs of toddler-hood began appearing in my household, I took stock of how my daughter’s temperament was changing, I took stock of how my time with her was changing and how much more challenging things were becoming.

But I was also quick to note that other toddlers of similar ages were profusely using the infamous word…the one word most common associated with toddlers…that very word that doctors assure you is a normal sign of their development…..

NO

That word.

Ahh…that word. My daughter, she hardly ever said it while other children around us had it falling out of their mouth with the same pace that drool fell (and continues to fall) from my darling daughter’s mouth. (And for those of you keeping track, yes, my two year old still drools like a 9 month old without any teeth and people continue to comment in amazement and curiosity at her abilities…particularly those not used to her yet at preschool. I’m pretty sure she might still be drooling at Prom).

So back to “no.” Even friends with children months younger than mine would comment and vent about the frequency of the use of this word.

Off I’d go after play dates and park trips, and pat myself on my back.

“What a well-mannered and amazing toddler we have,” yours truly would think to herself.

“It must be because she is thriving in a healthy home with no negative language flying around her precious and sponge-like mind,” I would think as I smugly reflected back on those other bratty snot-nosed twerps tossing around “No’s” with the frequency of a greasy-faced teen swirling back coke and candy.

Once again, further proof that I had birthed a superior being!

Is anyone else throwing up a little bit in their mouths right now?

Is anyone else, particularly those of you with older children than mine, laughing uproariously at their desks? Amazed at my naivete two years into this parenthood thing? Even when I have my own blog with rules, one of them being, to recognize that it will ALL HAPPEN TO YOU AS IT DOES THE REST OF US?

Indeed.

Well, fast forward from then to now. My two year old eventually did discover the word “No.” Perhaps she was a late bloomer but she has more than made up for lost time.

The frequency with which she says “No” might be difficult for you to believe, if you don’t have a talking toddler in your own house. It is still difficult for my husband and I to believe.

So, we made it a game.

“How many times do you think she says “no” in a day?” my husband asked me last week.

This after she rapid-fired about 15 “No’s” in a row, for no apparent reason.

“I have no idea,” I replied..as a light-bulb went on over my head….”But let’s keep count this weekend and place bets.”

And so we did.

Beginning when darling daughter arose on Saturday morning until bed time last night, we took stock of how many times she said “no.”

The reasons are too ridiculous, if there is even a reason most of the time, WHY she was saying “No,” but that isn’t the point.

Just how many times do you think one 2-year old is capable of saying the word “No” from Saturday-Sunday night?

Anyone dare take a guess?

Anyone?

Bueller?

If you guess 100, you clearly don’t have a talking child in your house.

If you guessed 200, your child might be talking BUT definitely isn’t in full-blown toddler mode.

If you guessed 300, or more,  you win the KT prize of being a full-blown toddler expert!

You got it, somewhere around 300, we started to lose count, or lose the ability to count any higher, or lose the desire to know that it could continue to be said that many more times.

300 times……..in about 12 hours of awake time (I just calculated how much she was awake between naps, etc)……which means she averages about 2.4 “No’s” per MINUTE she is awake.

Ha ha.

Joke’s on me for ever being smug.

As I was driving home the other day, listening to an old Gray’s Anatomy soundtrack, a song by Anya Marina came on and I realized she might have just been singing about my life. And probably yours.

Does this sound familiar “Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”

I mean – how many days do you feel like you are the queen of Miss Halfway? Half paying attention at work because you are busy thinking about if your sweet cherub is getting a decent nap or finally pooped.

Half paying attention at home because you are worried about whatever you didn’t finish at work because you snuck out the door a little bit early.

Getting invites to holiday parties and your response is “maybe.” You’re really not sure if you can swing getting to that many parties after work because you’re counting up the hours you are missing with the sweet cherub at home.

Like I said, Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway. I’m thinking that might be KT’s theme song.

But, before we buy a ticket on the hated Mommy Guilt Trip bus for being the reigning queens of Miss Halfway, I thought more about it. Especially with the holiday season upon us and work parties and friends’ parties and Christmas outings upon us, how can we survive the next month getting away with being Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway but not feeling bad about it?

Its the same old same old – having the backbone and confidence to just draw the line in the sand and upgrade that “maybe” to a full-force “no” because you secretly know as “maybe” is eeking out of your mouth that you don’t really mean it. Right now, my vow is to only attend one work holiday party a week for the next three weeks.

We are all popular girls, everyone wants us at their parties,  we are the Paris Hiltons of the Executive Holiday Party, but we must just say no. Moi? I’m basically deciding which party I think will be the fanciest and will give away the sweetest gift at the door on your way out and that is my one-a-week approach. I am fully on board with this plan.

As for being Miss Halfway at home, I just think that’s a reality. Some days I am totally and completely present at home and consumed with playing with my daughter. Other days I just am not. Maybe I’m extra tired, maybe my day at work was extra hard and I’m just zonked, who knows but whatever, I am going to continue faking it til I make it and am ok with sometimes being Miss Halfway.

And with that kittens, go forth and analyze your holiday party invites, assess which is the most fabulous and glamorous of the bunch, and proceed in full force feeling fine with being Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway.