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Category Archives: Motherhood

Addicted to Motherhood?

March 4, 2008

Kittens –

I apologize for my long silence – you know I’m busy at work when you don’t hear from me in a while. Know that I much prefer this over crazy, hectic work days but alas, it is out of my hands. With that, let’s get right to it.

Last week, we discussed whether having one child is enough and why people feel compelled to judge parents of singles. Let’s turn that on its head and talk about the opposite end of the spectrum – can you have too many kids? And what does that say about you?

At what point do you start judging someone and think they are freaky Mormons or Catholics because they have too many kids? Admit it, you know you do it. We are equal opportunity judgers. You might be busily thinking about how only children are weird one minute and then a few minutes later, mocking that crazy Catholic family down the street with their 6 kids.

So what’s the threshold for normal and why do we care?

Seeing as how I’m one of four, I can’t be judging people who have four kids. Though I do wonder how they afford it. But do I start to wonder once there are five kids? A little. But once you get past five, I’m pretty much thinking you’re a freak.

But why? Because I like to judge?

Maybe. But I’m not alone.

Which brings me to Angie. Good old Angelina Jolie. Preggo with her second biological child, bringing the grand total to 5 children for her and Brad Pitt. Is anyone else out there wondering what in the world is going on and when they will stop? And how pissed is Jenny Anny?

As for the Jolie-Pitts, we know they can afford it. But what’s the deal? Why so many?

A dear KT reader sent along this link last week, a story on ABC wondering if Angelina Jolie is addicted to motherhood and what this says about her, psychologically:

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/OnCall/story?id=4349895&page=1

Being the gal who loves celeb gossip and is quick to hop on a gossip bandwagon, I love this story. It’s rife with speculation over Angie’s mental state and her motivation for wanting so many kids, not to mention speculation that she will leave Brad high and dry eventually, once she’s done hiding her problems behind motherhood. Love it.

But beyond that, it begs a good question – can you be addicted to motherhood for the wrong reasons?

I don’t know. I mean – I can see how you can be addicted to your kids and obsessed with their every move, so I guess you can be addicted to motherhood. Are those who are prone to being addicted to motherhood the Bree types from Wisteria Lane, loving their perfect life and hydrangeas? Or can they also be career-hungry, climbing the corporate ladder, proving to themselves and the world that they can do both?

Or is this even really something that’s a reality? Or is it another example of the media doing a great job of criticizing women and motherhood? And the decisions we make?

You tell me.

Or just go read the story because it’s about a celebrity.

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Celebrities, Motherhood

Why have more than one?

February 25, 2008

My child is approaching 2.5 years old. As avid fans of KT know, people feel compelled to start asking you when you are going to have a second before your stitches even heal. I mean – this question drives me up a wall and makes me want to poke the question-asker’s eyes out with a dull fork.

Why do people feel like they have the right to ask? And furthermore, since when isn’t one enough?

So now that we are busy parents with an active, talking, walking, sentence-speaking toddler, anyone who isn’t blind is quick to ask us about having a second. I’m not even safe from the stupid BabyCenter emails that tell you what your child is doing this month. The most recent one I received and actually bothered to read, included a link to how many parents are starting to consider a second now. Even if that is true, and frankly, the only way I’d consider a second is if they are at least three years apart, why are we parents bombarded with the need to have more than one?

So, as my husband and I have debated whether or not we want to, feel compelled too, or even have the desire to have a second, I asked my mom. She had four kids. I explained that I feel very fulfilled with my child, she’s exceeded my every expectation, so why in the world would I want to go through this all again? Unlike new moms, I don’t somehow think my baby will have his/her day or nights confused. I actually know now that they come out thinking night is day and day is night. There actually is no confusion there on the part of the baby.

Last time, I was naive. This time, I suffer from too much information. So really – why? Why in the world would we do it again?

My mom just laughed and said “I’m not touching that.”

Hmm. Not helpful. Wasn’t the answer I was searching for really this “Because don’t you know, honey, all second children are not only perfect but they come out sleeping 12 hour stretches and never get sick.”

Then my husband and I concluded that we are each the second child, so if our parents just stopped with our elder sibling, then we wouldn’t exist. So isn’t that reason enough to have another?

I’m a believer in not making things more complicated than they need to be. I like existing. Seems like a good reason.

But see, any talk of having a second inevitably leads to a conversation on how “only children are weird.”

Don’t pretend like you haven’t been a part of this conversation. Especially if the only reality you know is like mine, that of a big family.

Now – like you – I have many friends who are only children and I’m always quick to think “Well, only children are weird except X”

You know who you are.

So really – ARE only children weird?

So then the next question is this – are PARENTS of only children weird?

Now this one, I’ve wondered many times. Again, coming from a family of four children, I have parents who, well, let us get away with murder. Was it because by the time my youngest sister rolled around, they’d seen and witnessed it all, so we had more than paved a wide open highway for her to roam free? Or was it because they were so dog tired and beaten down, we could go out partying until the wee hours and get away with smelling like a beer hall in Church on Sundays? Or was it cause if, god forbid, something happened to one of us, there were still three more left?

I mean really – isn’t that one thing all parents worry about?

Regardless of why, the truth is, people marvel at parents of only children. Why did they have only one? Why didn’t they want more? Is the only child a holy terror so they couldn’t face another? Are they freaks?

Admit it, you’ve heard this. But WHY – why is this the case?

A friend of mine made it clear from the time she was preggo with her first that she would have one and only one. The thing about me is, I like people who are straight up. I don’t have time for nuances and well, I really like knowing where people stand and so I liked her even more for being so up front.

She then went on and had her baby, he’s almost one now, and because we are close enough, I knew I could ask her if she’d changed her mind on only having one. She was so matter-of-fact and just was like Nope.

Again, I dig it. She knows what she wants and she’s happy.

But see – will people just leave her be? This piece in today’s Washington Post suggests that they wont but they really should:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/24/AR2008022401750.html

Right now, I am the mother to just one child and I am fulfilled, happy and feel like my circle is complete. Why can’t everyone just leave singles alone?

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Motherhood

Stressorexia

February 20, 2008

Kittens –

I’m here to bring you new words all the time. A few weeks ago it was choreplay. Today it’s “stressorexia”

Ever heard of it? Probably not. But I’m sure you’ve seen evidence of it around you.

First let me be clear – this is not a problem I have. You can pretty much be sure that on any given day, I’m thinking about my next meal and if it’s contents will include cheese and/or chocolate and/or ice cream, or better yet, all three. A deep thinker, I am not.

And yet, I’m thinking that many of my fellow over-worked, over-tired, stressed out BFFs out there might know a little something or two about stressorexia.

According to our British friends, this is a new form of an eating disorder symptomatic to overworked working moms, though I’d venture to guess plenty of women who also do not have children. These women are running ragged and tend to skip meals because they are too busy trying to get things done at work to move on to the next task – and suddenly they start losing weight and well, we all want to be a MILF, and so it goes.

Here’s the link to England’s Daily Mail:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/healthmain.html?in_article_id=511848&in_page_id=1774

So while this might be very much the case for many women – I still take issue with it. As professional working women, especially if you are the mother to a daughter, it is a damn shame to bring negative body language associations and poor eating habits into the house, to only then start your young children off on the path of eating issues. I also wonder if it’s more than just women being over worked – it becomes a martyr issue.
“no one can take care of junior as well as me, no one can clean the house as good as I can, my idiot husband doesn’t get everything right on the grocery store list, so it’s just easier if I do it, none of my colleagues can do this project as well as I can and if I don’t step in and just take over, we’ll screw it up and lose the account all together.”

And then suddenly you are doing everything and well, along the way, your own health and well being falls to the side.

Who knows.

I get it that eating issues are rooted in complicated psychological issues..and though I’d love to pretend I’m an MD, I’m not. But I guess the other side of me sits backs and wonders – why make life so complicated? What’s REALLY going to happen if the house isn’t cleaned to your standard all the time? What’s really the result of the husband forgetting a few items on the grocery list? So, he gets to go back out to the store again. Does it REALLY matter if your co-workers don’t fulfill the task as well as you would? And do they really suck that bad or is there some kind of insecurity buried deep within us?

If you are a KT fan, you know that I am no fan of martyr-hood, especially once children enter the picture, and well, I guess I’m annoyed by this stressorexia article. It’s stupid.

Did I fire anyone up yet?

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Motherhood, Uncategorized, Work

Michelle Obama for President

February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine’s Day Kittens! I’m sure you’ve been waiting obsessively for a V Day update from me but the truth is, I’m being coy with you. I like making you wait for me…it only makes you want me more….so at long last….I am here to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

I should also note that, like last year, I am blushing from all the flowers and chocolates and cards that you, my adoring fans, have heaped upon me. I could barely make it to my desk this morning because my office is jam packed with messages of love. Particularly blush-worthy was the pair of leather crotchless chaps…..You really shouldn’t have…….

And with that, kittens, I ask you to wait no more. On this day of love, I will refrain from pondering the ways of the American husband, the exaggeration of the price of flowers and dinners tonight and if there is any merit to this holiday. Instead, I will express my deep love for a woman….a Presidential candidate’s wife who should really be running for President….I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again, Michelle Obama for President!

Oh Michelle…how I love thee….what I wouldn’t give for a one-on-one conversation with you…

A KT BFF tipped me off to the piece on Michelle in today’s NYT:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/14/us/politics/14michelle.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp

And starting with the picture of her in that fabulous turquoise necklace at the top, all the way down to the final quotes in the piece (I know, right? I actually read an article all the way through – despite my adult ADD and inability to focus unless it’s celebrity gossip or food related)….Michelle rules. And so, kittens, here is a haiku for her:

I love her because she is intelligent and has opinions.

I love her because she has no fear about stating those opinions, even if it creates extra work for her campaign staffers…she’s keeping everyone on their toes.

I love her because she is sarcastic and pokes fun at her husband, reveals that he makes messes or doesn’t always smell great. She’s authentic, she’s real, she’s got something to say and she’s going to say it.

Of course, I love that she is a mom to two little girls and isn’t afraid to talk about how she keeps them a priority and how she manages it all – without shedding tears or coming off as a martyr (Hillary).

Do you like how that wasn’t even close to a haiku? I never really paid attention in poetry class.

Are you all left wondering if I love her because I feel like she’s a really cool, wildly successful, smarter and older version of how I’d love myself to be? Yes well…..there’s no shame in aiming high, kittens.

And to be serious for a moment, if I’m going to invest my sacred time in actually reading an article in its entirety and not letting my mind wander off and start thinking about my next meal and if there will be any cheese involved….I like to learn something valuable about life in that piece. Some great perspective or nugget to carry forward in my own life. And I took something like that away from the interview with Michelle.

I offer you this:

“My parents told us time and time again, ‘Don’t tell us what you can’t do,’ ” she said. “ ‘And don’t worry about what can go wrong.’ ”

What a wonderful thing to teach your children and though I might have already been doing that in my own home, I certainly haven’t articulated it out loud but I intend to as my daughter gets older. Particularly the bit about not worrying about what can go wrong. Instilling a sense of confidence and adventure in my daughter is fundamentally important and reading this about Michelle’s upbringing makes me adore her even more.

Enjoy this day o’ love Kittens. And remember, you can keep your tokens of love and appreciation for me coming every day of the year, you don’t have to wait until just Valentine’s day…….

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Motherhood, Politics