Category Archives: Motherhood

Hypocrisy Abounds

Once again, I just don’t even really know where to begin re: McCain’s pick of Palin as the VP. We talk a lot about working moms here on KT and I’m pretty sure that until McCain picked Palin, the only working mom criticized here is Katie Holmes because well, she’s a freak, and it’s too hard to resist.

But enter Palin. I immediately had a visceral reaction to her. Again, maybe it was the bun. And trust me, I realize this just plays into the horrible notion that women are hardest on each other. But you come to KT because I call it like I see it.

I realize that attacking Palin right now could be interpreted as suggesting that a woman cannot hold high office because she is a mother or questioning her because of her ability to commit her time underscores the perception that working moms aren’t as commited to their jobs because they are distracted by home life. I get that this is a slippery slope.

But this is the job of the vice presidency, not just any old job, and though Palin herself questioned what it is the VP does just this past July, those of us living outside of Alaska seem to fully appreciate that holding the second highest office in the land is a 24-7, demanding, stressful, intense job. So, I first would like to call out the Republicans who are using the following talking point: it is sexist to say that Palin can’t take on this responsibility, no one questions Obama and he has two kids, so we are only doing this because she is a woman.

Mais non, republicans!

A pretty weak talking point if you ask me.

This isn’t about questioning whether a PARENT can hold the highest and second highest office in the land – this is specifically about a parent who has a 5 month old with downs and a 17 year old expecting a baby. This, friends, is a unique situation and one that I would question whether the parent were a man or a woman. Anyone with any sense, particularly all parents out there, can fully appreciate just how demanding raising children is. But add in a special needs INFANT and a teen who hasn’t yet graduated high school and is going to become a young mother – before you even add in the three other children – and this is heavy demands and a unique circumstance. It would be extremely taxing on any family, let alone one in which one parent has the job of Vice President. To say that the situation of these two children alone won’t be very time consuming and distracting is fool’s talk.

So – I do think it is totally fair game that this is an issue – it is a tough question and a tough situation that needs to be addressed and hiding behind claiming it is sexist because she is a woman – is just a talking point. And a weak one at best.

My other issue is this – Palin was a virtual no one to those of us who do not have the pleasure of living in Alaska. The onus was on the McCain campaign to introduce her to the world – and they did that on Friday – but the way they did so is just INVITING lots of attacks on her because from the onset, they branded her as the poster-woman for all working moms. The woman who has it all – governorship at a young age, five children including one with special needs, a marriage, a former beauty queen pageant winner, a regular old hockey mom who also happens to be a tough governor. They branded her as a MOM. Rather than introducing her to us as a tough legislator with a long list of political victories and examples of those victories – she was branded as one of “us” and a “hockey mom.”

I’m a gal who understands a few things about branding. And if you are choosing to craft her identity as that of “hockey mom” and “former Miss Congeniality” then she is going to be judged by these standards – why the McCain camp didn’t brand her from the onset as a tough politician with a laundry list of accomplishments in her political career – escapes me entirely. But by making her a woman of the people, a woman we should flock to because we didn’t get Hillary, a woman who understands us all because she has mastered juggling work and family – then she is going to be judged against these standards. Like it or not. This was a strategic decision they made – and a terrible one, in KTs not-so-humble opinion.

Before I end, I would like to say a few things about Palin and McCain specifically. The whacko evangelicals love her because she is pro-life, pro-evolutionism and anti-birth control. She now is facing the reality of what happens when you refuse to teach your children about birth control. I am a proponent of teaching abstinence. This is the best of all scenarios – but teens will be teens. So let’s live in the real world, shall we? I want to know what Palin has done for women in her state, I want to know what the justification is for NOT being a proponent of birth control, if we’re supposed to flock to her like zombies with our bras burning because she has a vagina – I want to know, exactly, what it is she has done on behalf of women.  Because I haven’t seen any evidence just yet and frankly, I’ve been looking, and right now – she’s in a bit of a pickle over not advocating for birth control, now isn’t she?

According to a column by Ruth Marcus in yesterday’s Washington Post, Palin opposed a program that would have allowed teachers to teach students about contraception.  Marcus then goes on to point out McCain’s position:

“McCain has voted to increase abstinence-only funding, voted to terminate the federal family planning program and voted against funding teen pregnancy prevention programs. He voted to require teens seeking birth control at federally funded family planning clinics to obtain parental consent.”

You know how I feel about these beliefs.  You know who I will be voting for in November.

So in conclusion, I do not believe this is about judging her because she is a career-driven woman with children – this is about a family with two children who are going to need a tremendous amount of attention, time and support – and that stands in direct conflict with the reality of the pressure and demands on a Vice President. It is for Palin to decide what’s going to give – her family or her career – and she has clearly chosen her career – but it is fair for the voting public to question if the heart and soul of a VP is really in the game, given the reality of the home situation, whether the VP is a dad or a mom.

Let’s be clear: A vote for Palin is NOT a vote for Hillary

Greetings kittens –

I know I ended my last post expressing my boredom and ennui with the announcement surrounding McCains’ VP pick. I have to hand it to the old geezer, he sure did take us all by surprise. Though I’m not convinced it’s the kind of surprise that’s going to do him any good in the end.

My brain has been reeling since Friday over this selection and I have so much to say, I can barely even figure out where to begin.

So let’s break it down, kittens, shall we? Oh, and trust me, the kitty’s claws are out over this one.

The biggest comment I need to make and shout from the rooftops and hopefully not have to repeat over and over and over again between now and November (because if I do, this phrase might be my unborn child’s first words), a vote for Palin is NOT a vote for Hillary. A vote for Palin is NOT a vote for change. A vote for Palin is like a vote for Pat Buchanan or Ralph Reed or Rush Limbaugh or any other scary, evangelical extreme conservative old man that has been running his mouth off all these years.

Palin does NOT represent change just because she has a vagina. And it is so incredibly patronizing that anyone might actually believe that this selection will motivate the female voters that were previously on the Hillary bandwagon – and that these women, like lemmings, with their bras burning, will just switch teams to the McCain camp because all they care about is having a vagina in the Oval Office.

Give me a break, obnoxious McCain camp. I’m wiping the throw-up from my mouth and say this to you – the mere fact that you even think that does NOTHING but demonstrate that your mind-set is just as patronizing, closed and obnoxious as that of the Bush administration – it presumes we are stupid and will abandon our ideals and values because we’ve been FOOLED.

Guess what. We’re not.

No Hillary supporter in her right freaking mind can possibly vote for an NRA-card carrying, hunting, pro-lifer who believes creationism should be taught along side evolution in public schools and who is AGAINST birth control (oh trust me, we’re going to go there in a minute, the irony!) and who voted for Pat Buchanan in 1996.

Remind me again, how is Palin representative of CHANGE? Cause frankly, I’m just disgusted. She’s just the same – but this time with a really annoying school marmish bun. And seriously – why the bun, Sarah? Why the bun? It’s just so wrong. You’re on the national platform now.

And with McCain seemingly ready to croak at any minute, this is the person he wants to leave in charge of our country? This person who just 18 months ago was a freaking mayor of a small town of 9,000 people in a back woods state that most people forget about (sorry dear KT BFFs from Alaska). For real?

THIS is the first major decision he’s made demonstrating his leadership as President? This? Is he on crack?

I haven’t even touched upon the huge ethics scandal facing her.

So again, before I get too side-tracked on the obvious other issues – I must repeat again, a vote for Palin is NOT a vote for Hillary and it is totally patronizing and hideous for anyone to think that it is.

I’m thinking I might need to spend the entire week discussing the complexity of her having a 5 month old with downs, along with a 17 year old who is 5 months pregnant and getting married (should we have her meet Lynn Spears, they can trade notes?), not to mention her three other children. I mean, I could even take a week discussing the irony that this woman spouts off her mouth AGAINST birth control and is branding herself as a good Christian, meanwhile her 17 year old is knocked up. Can we make this stuff up?

Need I mention how the republicans would have VILIFIED Hillary and Bill had Chelsea gotten pregnant while Bill was in office and she was a teen? Does anyone need to spend more than half-second focusing on how this would have branded the already evil, working mom, aggressive, opinionated Hillary as proof of the downfall of all that is liberal if Chelsea were knocked up? I mean, for real. And now they are trying to spin it that this is just another example of her good Christian beliefs, that her child is raising a baby.

Oh good. A baby raising a baby in Washington on the national platform. That sounds really productive for the 17 year old.

I think I have to just stop now and revisit all of this again and again and again for the remainder of the week.

So in summary: A vote for Palin is NOT a vote for change. It is a vote for the same. I’m just reeling that the McCain camp would think we’d be foolish enough to think otherwise.

Obama-Biden ’08

11,000 Miles Later

We’ve had a busy summer in my house and my darling daughter, at the young age of 2 years and 9 months, has accumulated about 11,000+ frequent flier miles in just three months.

This much time in the air and traveling through airports for such great distances teaches you a lot. A lot about your kid, a lot about yourself and your partner and how well you can plan, pack and manage a long flight with a toddler and let’s not forget, it also teaches you a lot about other adults. Strangers. Especially our most recent trip, seeing as how I’m 6.5 months pregnant and the size of a house.

We just returned home from Seattle. My sister got married out there last week and DD was her precious flower girl. But it’s my thoughts from the road that I’d like to share with you today, after my long absence. Though for anyone wondering, DD made a fantastic flower girl and was really the star of the show, after the bride, of course.

Here are my observations and I take solace in knowing that I’ve survived these great distances to tell the tales:

1. If you are traveling with a child age 18 months+, and you do NOT have a portable DVD player, then I don’t feel the least bit sorry for you when things go ugly. Because they will. If you think your kid is too good for TV or you don’t want them watching TV, then you obviously haven’t actually traveled with a bona fide toddler. Get over it. You’ll save us all the misery. Go get it and let them watch it for as long as the glory lasts. But heed this advice because I, dear friends, have learned the HARD WAY (read: 9 hour flight to Europe). BEFORE purchasing your portable DVD player, investigate the BATTERY LIFE of said DVD player. Some schmuck at Target might tell you which one is the best one, but his needs aren’t your needs, and when you find out a short distance into a long flight that your battery dies after 2 hours – things really get tricky from there.

2. Snacks are good, traveling only in overnight diapers are a must-do (even for the potty trained, have you heard the sound the toilet makes when it flushes on a plane? Think a toddler is going to sit there after they hear it), wrapped “special presents” for “good girls” are good incentives – but all of these things only buy you small amounts of time. 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there – so spread them out – have things planned for going and coming – but all that really matters is that portable DVD player.  Oh – and be sure you have two changes of clothes for toddler and at least one different shirt for you and your husband – someone WILL get peed on, pooped on, puked on, or spilled on – and typically for us, within the first 20 minutes of the flight.

3. Sitting on your lap. Unfortunately the FAA has guidelines about when they must be strapped into their seat. The thing is, when you are rounding out a 5 hour flight with an overtired toddler who’s been up late and missed naps for days in a row because of wedding festivities, and she has previously been happily sitting on her dad’s lap looking out the window (yes, when preggo, I make my very tall husband have the window seat, a gal needs leg room and easy access to the toilet) – it is VERY confusing in the mind of a toddler – why can they sit on Dad’s lap sometimes but suddenly – they have to sit in their seat with a belt on. IF you think about it from their perspective, it makes no sense. The FAA can go F themselves. So just know this. Your child will probably scream. And you are trapped and there ain’t crap you can do about it. ON Saturday evening, my child screamed non-stop for the entire 15 minute descent into BWI. I really didn’t think she had it in her. Neither did DH. We have never heard her scream like that. Clearly she had forgotten why she was even crying after some time. But I found my inner-zen. I realized that there was nothing in the world we could do to stop it and in fact, each time I tried to console her, I made it worse.

So I pretended like it wasn’t happening. Somehow it made time go faster. You will become that family at some point on your trip – so be sure to not stare too much when someone else is that family. No one comes away unscathed.

4. One KT BFF summed it up perfectly when she said it’s the law of traveling with toddlers – you only get one good leg. So if your outbound flight is a breeze, then just accept and know that going home will be somewhat torture. It’s just the law of averages with the toddler. You’ll have more zen just accepting this as fact.

5. Strangers are assholes. I can’t chalk it up to just men or just women – but there are more strangers who are assholes than you can believe. I thought I’d seen it all when I was like 9 months preggo the first time and men on the metro would stare at me while luxuriating in their seat as I stood there. But that’s NOTHING on traveling with a toddler and being the size of a house and people still act like assholes. This includes flight attendants, FYI. On our outbound flight, DD hadn’t peed in at least 5 hours. She had an overnight diaper on but she was finally ready to go. And I had to pee, in fact, I was in extraordinary pain from the position of the baby. So the two of us are waddling down the aisle. What happened? The asshole man sitting in the last row of seats before the toilets saw us, sized us up, deliberately stood up right in front of us and walked into the only remaining empty stall.

What happened next? My DD started crying because she couldn’t hold it any longer and she wanted to be a big girl and go on the potty, I told her it was OK because she had a diaper on, so she squatted and peed (we are so white trash) but there was so much of it that it went all over her, her pants, socks, shoes, and me – and the floor (which I liked because the asshole flight attendant that I hated was sitting right there). To make matters worse, I continued to be in excruciating pain because this jerk was taking forever.

Bad karma befalls those who deliberately block a preggo and a toddler from using the toilet on an airplane.

So these are my thoughts and survival tips. I promise not to be so quiet anymore, work has slowed a bit, but I am one tired gal from last week’s trip.

I’m too sexy for my……..

Over the weekend, we were enjoying some leisure time on the beach. As we were leaving that afternoon, DD and myself were walking very slowly (she was most irritated that I refused to carry her) and this afforded me the time to eavesdrop, a favorite past-time of mine, of course.

I happened to be eavesdropping on a conversation amongst some little girls passing me by. My best guess is that they were 7, maybe 8 at the most. They were talking about their BODIES. Each of them was adorable and perfect, and like all women, each had a totally different build, tone, etc. One of the girls who I found to be the most muscular and frankly one of the healthiest looking, was really leading the conversation and lamenting over her size and the best times of day to eat and the ideal foods to eat to keep her weight at a minimum. As they got a bit further from me, the conversation turned to the style of swimsuit that is the most flattering for their figures.

THEIR FIGURES?

They are babies.

I was dumbfounded.

DUMBFOUNDED I tell you.

And horrified. And sad.

I wanted to pull them over immediately and interrupt this conversation and ask them why they weren’t counting their change for the ice cream man. I mean – these are little kids.

And then of course, I had to look down at my sweet DD who still lives and dies for the joy of a Popsicle at the end of a meal – and just hope that she won’t be having this conversation so early in life with her friends. Shouldn’t they be talking about puppies and unicorns still at 7? I mean, come on.

Then a KT BFF sent me a link to this article in US News & World Report titled “Too Sexy Too Soon”:

http://www.usnews.com/blogs/on-parenting/2008/8/11/too-sexy-too-soon-combating-the-sexualization-of-childhood.html

The author not only shares the same shock and horror I felt over the weekend but examines more closely the sexualization of childhood – and how this applies to both boys and girls. As my DD is inching closer and closer to three, she’s just more aware.  She’ll see something on TV and respond to it – I can’t keep her sheltered in the world of Noggin, apparently. Her most recent discovery is “Sponge Bob Squarepants” and I can’t stand it – I try to really limit it because there is no education in it and I really don’t think she can understand that show just yet. But my point is this – how long can I keep her from Hannah Montana? And those horrible Bratz dolls? And half-shirts? And learning about blow jobs?

It’s scary, kittens.

Kids need to be kids.

My stomach is still churning over hearing that conversation between the little girls en route to an afternoon on the beach.