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Category Archives: Motherhood

The Bermuda Triangle

March 4, 2010

Where good clothes go to die.

Feel me here people?

I know many people have this problem with one kid – especially baby socks – where do they go after you put them in the washing machine? But that never really bothered me. It’s been the addition of a second child, more laundry, and matching girl clothes that is slowly becoming the death of me. Where do these clothes go? And why does buying matching hot pink leggings seem like such a good idea in the store? Because when they are washed and folded, they look the same, so then they inevitably end up going in the wrong drawer in the wrong room…and then when it’s the only thing you want to put them in that day, you can only find them in the size you don’t need.

This keeps happening to me….specifically with DD2s clothes…specifically with items that are particularly cute. The vortex that sucks in laundry doesn’t have a taste for stupid socks or random underwear. No, it wants that cute sweatshirt with a cupcake on the front…..or those hot pink leggings that go with that super cute dress. It’s a snobby black hole, it seems.

So how is it that I end up spending what little free time I have, tearing apart the house, looking for these random pieces of clothes? Cause I’m doing it….and I know I’m not alone….and my mom, the woman who raised four children, is an excellent resource in ideas on random places these clothes end up, cause this laundry vortex is most definitely not just my cross to bear in life.

“Have you checked the linen closet? I bet the leggings attached to a fitted sheet and they’re folded in there, fitted sheets are the worst”

Brilliant.

So first thing this morning, before I even have coffee, I am tearing apart the linen closet. I am even looking inside the christmas duvet cover that I recently washed in case they got tangled up in there. It is now about more than just finding pink leggings. It is an obsession. I will not rest until I find them.

Cause I found the cupcake sweatshirt – like 4 months after I started looking for it – tangled up in a corner of DD1s closet….even though it’s DD2’s sweatshirt.

But no, no sign of the leggings in the linen closet.

“Have you looked on the side of the dryer against the wall in the laundry room?” says my mom today, as she’s getting an update on my hunt for the pink leggings.

AH HA!

Another brilliant idea. Except the part where there could be spiders down there and that calls into question my obsession. But I will go look for I will not rest until they are found.

Though I’ll likely end up buying a few extra pairs of pink leggings until the day they are found…and then the missing pair will show up after I buy the new ones. Mark my words.

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Life with 2 kids, Motherhood

Overhyped

February 28, 2010

Last night, we hosted a dinner party chez moi. Adults only. Lots of champagne and cheese. And you know it’s a good night when your discussions range from Furries (not for kids) to stink bombs during pep rallies. But one topic really struck both DH and me…..that of bringing home the second baby.

The reason we were all getting together was to celebrate the pending birth of two BFF’s second babies later in March. The two expectant dads raised the issue of bringing home the second baby and the idea of taking the older child out for special time with just dad on the weekend and how they felt the older child would really need this special time with them.

Ahh yes…….the fear of how the older child will react and being sensitive to them with the arrival of a new child. I don’t know about you, but this was actually the only thing that really worried me as the arrival of our second grew closer. There is so much hype and advice around bringing home baby, introducing new baby, helping older child adjust. It seemed like all the drama around sleeping and schedules and breastfeeding that comes with the arrival of the first is overshadowed by all the drama around helping the older child adjust to life with a sibling.

And frankly, DH and me, we ended up realizing it was all for naught. Tell me if you disagree. Please. I love a good sparring. But in the end, what we discovered was we needed daddy to take DD1 out of the house in those first few weeks because MOMMY needed the break. As it turned out, we’d forgotten that newborns well – they don’t really do anything – so in actuality, after a day or two of not liking “that baby” because she was getting some attention because she was new and small and cute, DD1 realized “that baby” was totally fine and acceptable because she didn’t do anything – so she really didn’t change her life in any meaningful way……yet (mobility is a whole different story).

Don’t get me wrong, of course special outings with daddy are important – but I’d say no more important when a new baby comes home than any other time of year – important just cause it means so much to both parties involved. Beyond that – I don’t think DD1 ever made the connection that she was going on this outing because we were carving out special alone time with her and a parent. I don’t think it made an ounce of difference to her. Am I saying – don’t be sensitive to how things are changing, don’t do special things like read stories to the older child or talk to them about their new sister and how they are still important and special – of course not.

All I’m saying is, in the end, those outings to us were critical because moi – the one who had delivered this new baby and who had just come off 10 months of pregnancy – needed some quiet time. As it turned out, I found that being home with the newborn was the break – and taking the energy-filled curious toddler out – was the work.

If you are expecting a second child, maybe this will help quell any anxiety you have about this transition. Or affirm your suspicions that dad needs to be prepared to step up and plan some fun activities out for the older child for mommy’s sake. Or maybe you totally disagree with me and if so I’d love to hear it.

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Husbands, Life with 2 kids, Motherhood

Parenthood in the Workplace

February 18, 2010

Sunday’s NYT style section ran a really important piece on President Obama and how he doesn’t miss his daughter’s recitals, parent teacher conferences or any important events. As someone who spent my full-time working-motherhood career essentially doing my best to hide the fact that I was a parent, I loved reading this article.

My initial reaction to the piece was totally bratty – I thought – well shit, if the leader of the free world can make time to attend band recitals (is it me or has “American Pie” forever made band a dirty thing?) or parent-teacher conferences, then no parent can honestly be too busy or too important to miss these things. But it’s way more complicated than that – and the story did touch on that. Being that he is the President, Obama can do whatever the hell he wants – and the rest of us – well, we probably don’t have that kind of authority. The majority of working parents answer to someone and that someone might not be thrilled with an 11am band recital (ha ha – band camp).

Though I am home full-time now, I’m still pretty scarred from my experience working full-time and being a mom. Granted I know much of the experience has to do with where you work and who you work for – and it’s safe to say having been the only working mom in a senior level position – I was not in a family friendly environment. My experience was – everyone knew I had a baby and that was fine – it was nice to have pictures of her in my office – but beyond that – don’t mention it. Get to work, do your job, but if there’s a drama with the nanny or a sick kid or an unexpected anything – as well, life seems to be when you have kids, it’s certainly not a reason to miss a meeting. And please…..don’t tell us about it.

The thing is – do I necessarily think this is a bad thing? Not necessarily. You don’t need to have kids to have shit happen to you outside the office and I know this is a common complaint among people who don’t have children – they don’t get special exceptions, why should I? And I worked for someone who didn’t have children and wasn’t ever going to have children.

Would I have remained in the workforce if I’d been in a warmer environment? One that was more flexible and accommodating – probably.

So then should employers be more flexible towards working parents? Do parents deserve special exceptions because they do have greater responsibilities beyond the office?

And is the President paving the way? Unlike me, who used to try to sneak in side doors to hide just how late I was, Obama is completely out of the closet regarding his parenthood responsibilities. Will his priorities help force more changes in American business culture towards families?

The other important part of this article, in my all-important view, was the discussion of fatherhood and working. Apparently the President’s priorities are representative of a generational shift in how fathers view their role. I, for one, don’t see it. My dad worked like a crazy person but the man was at every painful band recital, he coached girls basketball (and yes, we usually were shooting for the wrong basket in 6th grade…he was most likely thinking “I left work for this shit?”), and I’m sure I hoped he would miss most parent-teacher conferences. So – I’m not sure whether my dad was an anomaly but I recall seeing my friends dads out there right along with him. So is this a convenient generational shift for the media or is it real? Cause I wouldn’t have married a man who doesn’t consider these things just as important as I do. Would you? I’m thinking there are probably some fathers who are still very involved and others who are less-so – just like in generations past.

Moving on, the piece cites a survey conducted by the Families and Work Institute. The survey reveals that men, more than women, feel caught between parenthood and working, revealing that 59% of men feel a work-life conflict.

WHAAAA

Ummm…….was this survey conducted in renown family friendly France where all the women were off on a year-long maternity leave when they participated?

Cause there’s no way this survey was conducted here in the States. I’m not challenging that 60% of fathers feel a work-life pull. What I’m actually LAUGHING about is that working fathers feel this pull more so than working moms.

Am I alone here people?

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Husbands, Life with 2 kids, Motherhood, Work

Celebrity Mom BFF

February 16, 2010

An email from a friend made me realize I am not alone here. Maybe I need therapy but then again, I think it’s more like group counseling because I know I am not alone here people.

So admit it, who is your celebrity mom BFF?

You know you have one.

She’s either someone who you enjoy seeing photographed with her kiddo because of her style, because of how she dresses herself and her kid, because of the activities you see her doing – or in my case, all of the above and the fact that she had her babies around the same time as you.

I know. I know. It is SO PATHETIC. But ‘fess up here, you do it too.

Mine is totally Jenny Garner. One friend even pointed out that I’m totally ahead of myself because I’m calling her Jenny….haaaaa. The one thing that would be really awkward in our friendship is the fact that I met her husband last year and he is beyond hot. Ridiculously hot in person. Me, of non-stop talking ability and opinions, was dumbstruck and incapable of playing it cool around him. In case you don’t believe me, I’m inserting the picture from the Google inaugural party. And the other gal in this shot is either a total stalker. Or a BFF of mine. You decide. But she’s the one looking overly excited. I’m the one with the extra baby weight having recently delivered my second child.

So me and Jenny Garner are totally BFFs. We both had girls and in both cases, born within weeks of each other. I love seeing pics of her out with her kids because she always looks so normal. She’s always in jeans and tenny’s, grocery shopping or at the park. I know this because we are friends. And in terms of her style, I get it. Despite all my best efforts, it doesn’t make sense to me to get all dolled up when I spend my days getting glitter glue painted on me and baby food tossed all over my sweater. Me and JG, we are sympatico. I totally know it.

So whose yours? There are so many. And if you tell me it’s Heidi Klum because you were strutting the catwalk 6 weeks later, I’ll believe you. I promise.

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Celebrities, Motherhood