Category Archives: Motherhood

Today’s Topic: Moms, Politics & Social Media

Do you think there is an unspoken bias against young mothers in the media, in the workplace, in politics? Do you recoil when female political candidates are asked who’s taking care of the kids? Are you socially active online? Do you talk to your kids about politics, the elections or voting? Odds are you answered in the affirmative at least once in the above questions. If so, then today’s Wired Momma expert is the one for you. I offer you local mom and political pundit Joanne Bamberger, well-known online as PunditMom and newly published author of “Mothers of Intention: How Women and Social Media are Revolutionizing Politics in America.” I devoured her book in anticipation of our interview and felt I could have peppered her with questions endlessly for hours. Her book is ripe with hot topics, issues of interest to mothers across the political spectrum and loaded with fascinating research and insight into the importance of mothers in the political process and influencing our children and change online.

Joanne's Book

In Chapter One, you talk about how motherhood compels many of us to become political and the growing influence of women online impacting business and government. You offer so many great examples of women who have impacted change but I’d like to hear your thoughts on one in particular, Kristen Chase, founder of Cool Mom Picks and later The League of Maternal Justice. I had absolutely no idea Facebook once banned photos of women nursing  and that she took this issue on or that she had a role in shedding light on the dangers of BPA in baby bottles. Tell us a little about this and also, do you see anything else trending as a hot issue that women are forcing change online, to the perceived benefit of our families?

Sure. Kristen Chase is a classic and wonderful example of a woman online who has not historically been politically active. Then she became a mother and issues started resonating with her in a way that they just hadn’t before. Facebook apparently didn’t ban images that groups who are pro-anorexic were posting but they banned images of women breastfeeding  their kids. Kristen knows how to reach moms of young kids and used her savvy to get mothers involved politcially and influence change. Facebook did change their terms of service. I think what’s important to note is that this is an example of how being political and being an activist online means something different to everyone. You don’t have to tackle candidates and their issues, specifically, to be politically active. I think an example of an interesting issue that is really bubbling right now and moms are actively engaging is the discussion of McDonald’s and their recent decision to shrink the size of fries in Happy Meals and include apple slices in the meals. Of course, many people question whether government should even be involved in personal decisions like what we feed our kids, but this is a fun one to track.

In Chapter 2 you talk at length about raising political children. I especially enjoyed this chapter because I’ve wondered several times how, as a democrat and socially liberal person, I’ll feel if one of my daughters ends up like Alex P. Keaton in Family Ties – all buttoned up reading the Wall Street Journal op-ed page over the breakfast table. But you make great points about raising kids to think critically and you list a wide variety of books out there to introduce school-aged children to the political world. Can you give us some advice on raising politically active children and creating an environment that welcomes differing opinions and discussion?
 
Personally, in terms of the political books for kids out there, I just don’t think I could give  my daughter a book that villifies either side. The reality is, parents love to focus on helping our kids become critical thinkers but is it right to then have a different set of expectations when it comes to political views? I am always careful of what words I am choosing when talking about politics around my daughter – and we are political junkies at home. It’s important that we are prepared to answer questions like “What does it mean to be a Republican or Democrat” without villifying the views of one party or the other. Other tough questions I’ve faced from my daughter were during the 2008 campaign. We had talked so much about Hillary’s campaign and the idea of the first female President but then came Sarah Palin on the ticket – so her logical question was “Why not her? She’s a girl.” So I really had to think carefully about how I wanted to talk about what Sarah Palin believes in and give age-appropriate examples to her when answering why this woman but not that woman.

That is an excellent point and one that I haven’t even considered yet. My oldest will be old enough to ask slightly more sophisticated questions in the next campaign -and I’ve been stumped by the basic “How did I get out of your tummy” question – so without some careful advance thought – I don’t know that I could coherently answer the “Republican or Democrat” question in meaningful terms to her. This is really helpful in terms of preparing to talk with our kids before the next election. So let’s move to the chapter I am most anxious to discuss with you – the “Who’s Raising the Kids” chapter. I, for one, attacked Sarah Palin on my blog during the 08 campaign over this question. On one hand, I think that women are quick to talk about how motherhood is a job – in and of itself – and how we take on more work than men and our husbands – so if we bill motherhood as a job – then is it totally fair for us to say it’s unfair and sexist to ask women, whether they are politicians or not – these questions about who’s handling the responsibilities when there are kids at home?

I think if we ask all the politicians this question, then it’s not sexist. But we don’t. For example, when Debbie Wasserman Schultz was named head of the DNC, there was a big article in the New York Times and the picture of her that accompanied the piece was her in a pink sweat suit and the first paragraph was about her being a wife, mother, lunch packer, Congresswoman and political fundraiser. Contrast this to when Tim Kaine was named head of the DNC, there was a photograph in the New York Times of him with the President. He’s also a father of three young kids but it wasn’t even noted. So, why don’t we ask that question of all candidates who have small children? I really think this is more of a media coverage issue and the media are so stuck on this story of women with young kids because it’s an easy story to write. Personality driven politics are always the easiest to write about. I mean, why are we all obsessed with Amy Winehouse, where is the twitter outpouring of people dying in Somalia? Nobody raised the question to Obama when he was running and he has elementary aged kids. It is still unspoken that it’s the mom’s responsibility to worry about the kids. And we have to look at how the rest of us are writing about it as well. Do we fall into the same analysis, ultimately questioning if these powerful women should be political because they have young kids? I think there is an undercurrent of bias against moms with young kids, not just in politics. Certainly many women have experienced it in their work – questioning their commitment and time abilities because they have young kids at home and the moms are responsible for the main portion of care giving.

I’m thinking this discussion of a bias against mothers with young children is worthy of multiple blog topics and discussions. And one I’ll certainly be more careful about discussing as this next campaign heats up. I eagerly read your research showing that even such progressive outlets like NPR found a serious  lack of women’s voices in their own reporting, let alone the lack of female op-ed columnists. What is your advice to other women – what should/can we do to help change this?

There are two schools of thought on this — one is to increase the number of women who submit op-ed type pieces to traditional outlets (since one of the reasons fewer women are published is that fewer women submit) and make ourselves more available to those seeking out commentators, and the other is to build our own outlets for commentary and expertise.  While some fear that we then create our own women’s “ghettos,” where our writing and opinions can be further dismissed, I think we need to go at it from all angles.  That’s why I’m starting a new group site for women’s commentary called The Broad Side.  I think we just need to overcome our fear of feeling like we need to be complete experts in a field before we put our opinions out there, and realize that we already have much more expertise on so many topics than we give ourselves credit for.

One of my closest friends from college interned for a Member of Parliament back in the early 90s. At the time, her Member noted that little girls in England all grew up with a female role model as Prime Minister and obviously our little girls here in the US have yet to see that. It seems there is one female candidate in the running for 2012 and one that, in my opinion, sets us back on issues not forward. Who do you like for the Republican contender in 2012 and do you foresee any women, in either party, as serious presidential contenders beyond 2012?

As a pretty liberal Democrat, I don’t think I can say I “like” any of the Republican candidates who are coming forward for 2012.  That’s sad because there was a time when more moderate Republicans were interesting as candidates to Democrats.  As for serious women contenders in 2012, I know many will disagree with me, but I think Michele Bachmann is a much more serious contender than most pundits give her credit for.  I think many in the media and political word don’t grasp the undercurrent of dissatisfied conservative women who look at Bachmann as a long drink of cool water after years in the desert. I believe both parties discount Bachmann at their own peril.  I don’t think she can make it to the White House, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she ultimately gets the GOP nomination.

As for Democrats, obviously no one is seriously going to challenge President Obama for the 2012 nomination, but I am confident that Senator Kirsten Gillibrand of New York is eyeing the possibility of running for President in 2016.

It will certainly be fun to see how the next election plays out. Now, let’s switch gears and talk about publishing. I think it’s amazing that you’ve published a book – let alone a book on such an important and serious topic. Tell us – what do you know now that you wish you’d known then – about writing a book and getting it published? I, certainly, am guilty of having probably overly romanticized notions about the process.

Oh, where to start!  I was very lucky.  I was just starting the process of trying to find an agent (I still don’t have one — anyone?) when I was introduced to the publisher Bright Sky Press.  They were immediately interested in the project, so I was able to skip one step many authors must go through.  Having said that, in light of just how hard it is to get a book published traditionally today (as opposed to e-books or self-publishing), the most important thing to do is network.  Find out what contacts your friends and family might have who could make an introduction.  Have you met anyone in the publishing business at a professional or blogging conference? 

And as for the topic, this isn’t new advice but it is important — make sure the topic you pick is one you LOVE and can stick with for a couple of years, because things will move much more slowly than you think and you have to stay excited and engaged with the project to make it happen.

Thank you to Joanne for her time today and for such a lively discussion. I appreciate the insight she’s given us and some of the important things, at least I am left, to consider, both with how I talk about women in politics and how I talk with my girls about politics. I urge you to buy Joanne’s book, not just because it’s loaded with great content and essays from other women bloggers covering the political spectrum, but to support this local mom and popular local blogger. Next week’s expert topic will take a very different and itchy direction…but certainly timely with Back-to-School around the corner. I’ll be talking with Karen Franco of Advice on Lice. Yes, friends, it’s that time of year.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road…to the Puppet Co

Hilarious portrayal of the Munchkins

When it’s this hot out, there’s certainly no place like (an air-conditioned) home…or an air-conditioned theater. So, while you’re sweating through the dog days of August, I’d urge you to put on your sparkly red shoes,  pack up the older kids and head indoors for the Puppet Co’s rendition of “The Wizard of Oz”. This delightful, hilarious and campy production runs a succinct 55 minutes long and is guaranteed to entertain kids Kindergarten on up. We took a lovely reprieve from the oppressive heat last Sunday and headed to the show. I took only my eldest and two of her friends came along. My daughter hasn’t yet seen the movie and I think at 5.5 she’s a bit young for the book but we’d discussed the plot and the characters in advance and she was geared up, particularly excited to see Toto.

The actors in the production use a combination of puppet styles throughout the performance, ranging from tabletop puppets, Dorothy is a marionette, to masks and costumes (for the lion) and moving-mouth puppets. Hands down, the adult favorite in the room was the way the munchkins were portrayed, which was hilariously executed by adult faces popping up from underneath the stage, wearing small costumes around their chests. Honestly, we couldn’t get enough of it and the exuberance of the actors on this opening weekend was palpable.

Variety of Puppets used throughout the production

The children are guided through Dorothy’s epic tale of trying to return to Kansas with the help of the same 4 actors taking on various roles and costumes. For the timid out there, the cast and crew did a good job of using music and one scary puppet to portray the Wicked Witch of the West. Her character is on stage for a brief period of time and one of my daughter’s friends, who is open about not liking to be scared, was happy to just sit close to her mom as Dorothy out-witted the evil witch.

Though the life lessons and morals woven throughout Frank Baum’s classic were most likely lost on the younger ones in the audience, including my daughter, any older kids in the audience are likely to appreciate the themes of good conquering evil, finding comfort in home and friends and appreciating the wisdom, heart and courage we already have.  The younger ones will delight in the puppets, the colors, the well written script and if they are anything like my daughter, the cute small stuffed dog playing Toto.

The Puppet Co.  never disappoints and every detail was considered, down to the theater staff dressed like women from the 1900s attending the Kansas State Fair. I particularly loved that attention to detail. The show runs Thursdays through Sundays until September 4. Tickets are $10 for adults and children. And if you’re on the hunt for indoor activities for the younger ones among us, don’t forget the Puppet Co. has “Tiny Tots” select Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays at 10am, recommended for kids ages 0-4. Tickets are $5 each. Look for “Tales of Beatrix Potter” beginning September 16 through October 9.

Fans swarming Dorothy after the show

Disclosure: I was given tickets to the Puppet Co. to see The Wizard of Oz but my review is my opinion.

Disorganized Diva

Spoiler alert: There is a fabulous chance to win some amazing products at the end of this post……

I pride myself on cloaking my true disorganized life. Perhaps I am like a hoarder but for the disorganized? In terms of planning things, staying on top of trends or tracking the latest restaurant opening in DC, I am totally organized. I am ON IT. You better believe I was one of the first through the door at the Nordstrom Half-Yearly sale. I’d never lose track of that date. But when it comes to what lurks behind closed doors in my home? I suck.

Exhibit A: My kids playroom.

Can we even call this controlled chaos?

Somehow they still haven’t gotten the message that if they make the mess, they clean it up. When will this day arrive? Until then, I let it look like this until I can’t stand it anymore or they pull the following “Mommy, how about we go set up our grocery store in YOUR room.”

Uh huh. Because there is actually some open space in there. How about this instead: “How about you go clean up the disorganized chaos you created in YOUR playroom.”

Exhibit B: The inside of my kitchen drawers.

Am I shaming my self into doing better?

Note my failed attempt at organization in the top right hand corner – some kind of stupid holder for lids of Tupperware containers that seemed like it was a good idea when I was trolling the aisles at the Container Store. Probably some year on January 2 when I was totally committed to my New Years Resolution. Think I even know where the bottom of the Tupperware containers are that accompany those “organized” lids?

Exhibit C: My youngest’s winter clothes that she’s outgrown. Note I purchased the container from Target to store them. Note I moved the winter

At least this eyesore is in my basement.

clothes out of her room and down to the basement. Note they have remained in this kind of erratic pile since probably Memorial Day. Will I get to it before Labor Day? Doubtful.

Despite my failure as a home organizer and my secret wish to set on fire each and every Pottery Barn Kids and Land of Nod catalog that enters my home, unwelcome, and taunts me, mocks me and ridicules me as I look through the pages and wonder – WHO – WHO lives like this? And if you do and we are friends, I am declaring us non-friends until you do something about my house. Despite all of this, I still must keep track of the kids, the husband who is constantly on the road, the playdates, the docs appointments and soon enough Back to School Nights and our first PTA meeting. And the thing is, I like that kind of organization. The kind of organization I can write down.

Second confession of today: I DO NOT like to organize electronically. I’ve noticed the looks friends give me when we’re out and about, they ask for a free night for dinner or try to schedule a playdate, and I say, with my iPhone in hand, that I’ll check my calendar when I’m home and let them know.

Umm…..aren’t I holding my calendar, I see them thinking (did you know I am a mind reader? A disorganized one?)

I can’t stand keeping track of anything electronically, except email and celeb gossip.

So imagine my delight when my dear friend from grad school, who works for her family’s paper company, Blue Sky Home Series, sent me their new line of products that are now available in Target. Hello, she had me at paper. And then she really had me at Target, my home away from home. And then, in my final Jerry Maguire moment for today’s post, she really had me when I received the items and found this door hanger:

Do you love this as much as I do?

Ingenious! Goodbye worthless sticky note that falls off the door before I wake up the next morning and start packing the car and kids up for a long weekend. Hello sturdy door reminder that I can’t possibly not see as I am walking out the door. Dare me to leave the note in the adjacent photo for my husband next time we are packing up?

Turns out, Blue Sky conducted extensive interviews with Moms before developing this new line and the proof is in the pudding. These products are stylish, functional and affordable. I also really love the grocery shopping planner, with the needed items broken down by category in the store and magnetic strips on the back to hang on my fridge. My husband’s only complaint? They didn’t print the specific aisle where he could find these things.

My complaint? Perhaps he should go to the store more and then he’d know which aisle to find it….in his sleep……

So am I shamelessly plugging my friend’s products right now? Oh totally. But they are awesome, so I’d do it anyway. There are 14 products in the Blue Sky Home Series, all under $10, and all available at your local Target right now. The sampler packet I received also included the fabulous mousepad “Do Call Buy” organizer (I always need to buy something, right? Love having a reminder column for it) and the Weekly/Monthly Planner that also includes essential info pages and notes pages.

Love this grocery organizer

And lucky you, dear kittens, because you can enter for your chance to win a sampler of the Blue Sky Home Series…..all you  need to do is subscribe to my blog or “Like” the Wired Momma Facebook page….and then send me an email just telling me you want to be enrolled in the give-away. Do this by Friday August 5. Entrants can also “Like” the Blue Sky Facebook page for additional chances at winning. I will notify the winners by Monday August 15 . Winners will be announced on the Wired Momma Facebook page. I’ll also tweet it out. Email me at monica.sakala@gmail.com

Bottom line: even a disorganized gal has to have some level of organization with the kids, right? And I’m not ashamed of my love for paper products…..call me old school.

Today’s Topic: Kids Birthday Parties

When planning for your kid’s birthday party, whether your philosophy is “go big or go home” or keeping it intimate and affordable, it always ends up being a ton of work and in my experience, costs a bit more than you bargained for. So, today’s Wired Momma expert is Laura from Thumbs Up Party, a local mom and small business owner. If you didn’t see it, I contributed a piece to the July “Best of Washington” Washingtonian issue called “Happiest Birthdays” and Laura’s company  is one of the “Best of Washington” vendors I featured. Full disclosure – I have never used Laura for one of my kid’s parties but heard amazing things about her company (which led to Thumbs Up’s inclusion in the Washingtonian piece) and then as luck would have it, a friend hired her for her daughter’s party about a week before the issue hit the stands, and my girls delighted in their experience at the beautifully executed Tinkerbell themed party.

My sweet baby at the Thumbs Up Fairy Party

Because there was such limited space for the article in Washingtonian, and because we all face down the inevitable kid birthday party at some point (mine are both in November), it seemed a natural to spend some time with Laura, getting advice from a pro, on how to plan for and execute a fabulous kids birthday party.  So read on for some really creative and helpful tips!

When I was researching kids birthday party vendors for Washingtonian, I was amazed at how few vendors there are out there who do what you do. Can you tell us about how Thumbs Up started and what services you provide to parents who hire Thumbs Up?

Absolutely. I knew I was headed into business for myself but it wasn’t until one mom, who was attending my daughter’s birthday party, walked over to me and encouraged me to get into the birthday party business that I realized that’s where I would end up. It was actually a mermaid themed party back in August of 2006, so we’re coming up on our five-year anniversary next month.  The bottom line is as moms, we all know what it’s like hosting a kids party at your house – 2 hours fly by, you don’t have any time to talk with guests and it’s a whirlwind. I wanted to launch a business that would help simplify the birthday party process and allow parents to enjoy the experience.  So now, five years later, I have 12 employees, ranging from high school students to other moms. Now my daughter, the one who’s birthday party inspired the business idea, actually helps me out. I really appreciate the fact that my kids see me pouring my heart into my company and now I can bring  my daughter in to help here and there.

I know from our previous discussions you offer a wide range of party themes that appeal to boys and girls, can you tell us about your party themes and which are the most popular?

Sure, for the boys the Star Wars, 007 Spy and Super Hero themes are the most popular and those themes span across a wide age range, with the most common being 5-6 year olds. For girls, the Girlfriend Glamour Spa is the top theme, also Princess & Diva and Fairyland are popular. Our themes appeal to kids ages 1-16.

Those themes sound like so much fun. My girls will be 3 and 6 in November and I struggle every single year with keeping the party small and keeping the games going during the party. Inevitably the guest list grows despite my vows to keep it intimate and the games wrap up faster than I expect. I don’t know why I let this surprise me every year. Will the parties ever get smaller and what advice can you give us on planning for games?

Absolutely. You should know that relief is in sight. In my experience, both personally and with the company, I’ve found that as the kids get older, the guest lists get smaller. In preschool and even into kindergarten, parents feel compelled to invite the whole class or the school has a policy that if invites are handed out at school, then the entire class must be invited. As the kids get older, they have their own few friends that they want to invite and the whole thing just gets smaller. As for games and activities, my advice is to plan more activities than you think you will need, especially because you never know what the dynamics of the group will be that day. If you keep them active and engaged, it’s easier on you. And as you pointed out, the games tend to go faster than you think they will. I also fill time in between games with creative/imaginative play. For example, if you want to move the kids to another part of the house, you can have an imaginary parade using their sparkly high heels:  Ask them to put on their pretend high heels and clip clop to the magical castle, in their magical shoes, walking in a parade. If you are creative and silly, the kids will really respond and have fun with it. In addition to planning more activities than you think you’ll need, I recommend that you write down all your tips, including the filler ideas like the princess parade. If you don’t write it down, you will forget it.

What a creative idea, I love it. How do you plan for parties in terms of time – what is the ideal length of time and how do you break it out when writing everything down in advance?

For the younger kids, I really think 90 minutes is a good amount of time. Plan for 10 minutes on the front end for arrival time. Also with young ones, they don’t necessarily always jump right into the party, then might be hanging onto Mom and not sure about it all. I urge the hostess to get down on their level and greet them personally. Then plan for 50 minutes of activities: crafts, interactive time, 3 games, then the filler idea in between games because you don’t want them sitting the entire time in between games. You can also have fun stretching activities between games: Have them reach up high for the stars, stretching on their tippy toes, then hop over here, then lift their legs 5 times, and so on. It’s an easy way to get their energy out.

What games do you find are the most popular ones for kids parties?

Kids of all ages love freeze dance. And then for us, it depends on the theme of the party. We take classic games like Hot Potato and customize it, so for example for a Princess themed party, we would play pass the jewel. For a Star Wars themed party, we would play pass the light sabre. Kids also love scavenger hunts and relay races. But the games really do vary based on group size and age and what the theme is of the party. We actually have fashion shows, concerts and performances with the Diva party theme. We’ll bring lights and a red carpet. For American Idol theme parties, we’ll break kids out into groups of 3-4 and teach them dance moves and have them perform in costumes with props.

OK. Can you host these for adults? It sounds like so much fun. Now let’s talk party size. Like I said, I fail at this every year. I seem incapable of keeping it small. How do you manage and staff a party based on size, to give the rest of us a realistic idea of how many adults we need helping pending on party size?

Our parties are geared for 8 kids up to 14 kids. We have 2 party hostesses and for anything bigger, we’ll have a third party hostess there. Often we’ll have a character apperance instead of another hostess. The bottom line is the extra set of hands is really helpful -you always need someone designated to help write down what gifts the child received, for example, and you want to ask them well before the party starts to help you.

Here’s something else that is the bane of my existence: Goodie Bags. They are a waste of money and it’s all just crap anyway but the kids expect it.  Are you seeing families move away from goodie bags or if not, any tips on where to get the filler?

Goodie bags can definitely get out of hand. I believe that less is more. I’ve seen themed personalized cookies instead of the gift bags, a personalized bag with the child’s names on them is another popular one, or I’ve seen people donate money to a dog shelter or a charity of the child’s choice. Another great idea is to take pictures of the birthday child with each of his/her guests and print them during the party, then have the kids decorate picture frames and that is their take home present. It’s nice because they’ve made memories together and have something for their rooms. But here’s another area where you’d need an extra set of hands helping you – to print those pictures during the party.  If you are purchasing items for the goodie bags, I think Party City has good theme related things that can hold up – I do not recommend Oriental Trading because those items fall apart very quickly.

What advice to you have in terms of timeframes for sending out invites,  people RSVP’ing and is there an increased trend in the “No Gifts” direction?

For RSVPs, if you are hosting it yourself, I’d recommend 5 days in advance. If we are hosting your party for you, we send the invites out 4 weeks in advance, and if you are hosting it yourself, I’d say sending invites 3 weeks in advance is good. As for gifts, many people are asking that instead of bringing a gift, you bring an item for food donation or you donate some money to an animal shelter of the child’s choice. I’ve seen it happen even with really young kids and those kids seem to understand it and really learn something through that process. If they specify “No Gifts” on the invite, you have to respect their request and not bring a gift.

You’ve given us all some great advice, Laura. Do you have any final parting words of wisdom?

Yes – don’t forget music. People often forget it and it really sets the tone of the party. We create our own party lists to match the theme of the party and the age group of the kids. Also, pick 2-3 colors as your theme colors for the party and stick with that. It will help create a comfortable space and bring all the elements together. It also looks really nice.

Thank you to Laura. And if you are interested in hiring Thumbs Up to handle your child’s party, know that they book up about 2 months in advance. I was so impressed with the party they threw for my friend’s daughter – and my friend could actually spend time really soaking in the fun her daughter was having and talk with the other guests.  Also – I used Laura’s idea of the imaginary parade the other day when out walking with my girls – we were mermaids searching for fish and dolphins and pirate treasure – it ended up being one of the most fun walks we’ve ever had. They immediately slipped into character and spotted under-the-sea animals within seconds of me introducing the idea. I loved it!