Category Archives: Motherhood

Babble’s Parenting Brags: What They Missed

Recently, I stumbled on a pretty hilarious post on Babble – they created the top 10 list of online parenting brags that basically incite rage in all of us. I felt like they hit on some of the most egregious offenses but not all of them. Am I alone – have you ever logged onto Facebook and seen what someone has posted about their kid or parenting and found yourself about ready to hurl electronics or dishes, at the wall?

Maybe I have issues. But sometimes, get me when I am cranky and sleep deprived enough, say just the wrong thing – and forget it – all bets are off. I don’t think the offenders are just on Facebook, I’ve seen it also on mom forums or listservs. So, here are WM’s very own list of parenting brags that I think Babble totally missed:

yeah..just like my house...i always have to wake my kids...

1. Why can’t my kids ever sleep until 8AM?

Ummm..really….THAT is what you are complaining about? Cause I’ve been trying to get my 3-year-old to sleep past 4:30am since September 1. When parents complain about how long their kid sleeps…hopefully they realize that if their kid gets to 6am, then that is a miracle and there’s nothing to complain about. EVER. Right? Am I alone here?

2. I can’t believe it, she just totally potty trained herself!

Uh huh.

3. I lost weight in the first half of my pregnancy.

Vomit.

4. I’m giving away all my maternity clothes, they’re all extra-small.

Vomit again.

5. I just couldn’t keep the weight on when I was nursing him. It was so hard.

Really? It was so hard to be super skinny weeks after giving birth? #firstworldobnoxiousproblem

6. I couldn’t believe Frannie wouldn’t eat the salmon I made for dinner! I was so surprised!

Yep..all smiles at my dinner table as they eagerly eat whatever I make

Why don’t you come over. Some days my children look at me like a plate of pasta is a dish of boiled brains I’ve just whipped up.

7. I’d like to think my attentive parenting is the reason Annie never throws a tantrum.

Sure. Of course it is.

8.  Little Sarah is just so advanced. Of course, we read to her every night, play puzzles and never let her watch TV.

Right. Good for you. I use the TV as a co-parent when my husband travels.

What did I miss friends? I mean – parents complaining about children waking “too early” really tops my list.  On Thursday, I will be giving thanks if my kids let me sleep past 5:30AM and will eat a few things on the Thanksgiving table without complaining about it. You?

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Growing up Girl: Societal Pressure, Messages & Parents

This week, MomsRising started a campaign against Gymboree’s new onesies bragging about baby being smart thanks to daddy…without any similar onesies noting baby’s smarts from mommy. MomsRising rightfully questions the harm of these kinds of negative gender stereotypes and starting them so young in life. Conicidentally, this week, my piece posted on HuffPost DC is about raising girls and the role of culture, friends, and parents in influencing how our girls come to understand their place in the world. I was horrified by the things I found in my research for this week’s piece: did you know parents buy thong underwear for 9-year-olds? Or that 4-year-olds think  they are fat?

What the?

Great that Barbie is a doctor but why is she dressed like a slut?

How the?

I hope you’ll read my piece…and share..or comment…or like on Facebook…or just read….oh…and in case you are wondering what my conclusion is: I think parents are insane if they buy their little girls thongs. And also, this all started because my 6-year-old one day informed me only boys are funny, not girls….and a few days later informed me only boys have muscles, not girls.

 #parentingfail

Distracted Driving: Hypocrisy Anyone?

Think about the first ice or snow storm we will get here this winter. What is the inevitable conversation that happens, beyond mocking all the school systems for closing for the day before a drop of snow even falls from the sky? You got it, we mock this town for all the “people who can’t drive in the snow.” We love to laugh about those buffoons. We talk about  how we grew up in Minneapolis or Buffalo and a real storm isn’t until you’ve gotten over a foot and we are such pansies around here. We all do this. But see, if we all mock these people, then some of us must also BE these people that we are mocking, otherwise we wouldn’t have such traffic disasters each and every time it snows. (Need I remind you of the day last winter where it took many people, my husband included, something like 6 hours to get home?).  So look, I will be the first to admit that much as I love to mock, I am totally one of those PEOPLE WE MOCK. I’ve officially never really driven in bad snowy weather, I never owned a car in my life until I was 30 years old and we moved away from our apartment on Connecticut Avenue and well, it only snows a few times a year here (usually), so I just rely on 4WD while happily tossing my head back in uproarious laughter with everyone as we mercilessly mock “those people who can’t drive in the snow.”

Hypocritical much?

I think the same can be said for texting and driving. Ashley Halsey III of The Washington Post ran a story on Wednesday about how 35% of drivers said they’ve read or sent a text while driving in the past month and 67% said they talked on the phone while driving in the past month.  Interestingly, a deeper review of the survey data reveals that the majority of people believe OTHERS are more dangerous when they text and drive or chat and drive, than they are and so they overwhelmingly support laws against texting and driving. My state of Maryland just this weekend enacted the law banning texting and driving – we can now get ticketed as a primary offense for this behavior.

Back to the hypocrisy:  First of all, I don’t believe that only 35% of drivers have read or sent a text while driving (does this include stopped at a red light) because look around the Beltway or any major road in DC and I see it happening every time I drive. But more to the point, we are a culture of totally agreeing with the socially responsible answer when polled but we are quick to say everyone else should do it. Just like we mock “Washingtonians” for being terrible drivers in one inch of snow…are we a nation of hypocrites? It can’t just be symptomatic of people living in DC.

Here’s why we as parents should care DEEPLY about this issue of texting and driving – because our teens are doing it and our teens are dying. According to Allstate and The Hill, from an event they hosted last week on this important issue, more than 4,000 teens are dying on our roads and highways every year. Accidents on the road are the number one cause of teenage deaths. And 4,000 teens losing their lives equates to 155 lost lives a week. Why aren’t we calling this a crisis? Why aren’t our networks spending more time on such important issues like this, instead of the guilt or innocence of Casey Anthony or Amanda Knox?

This about sums it up....my friend shot this outside a Church on 16th St

Part of the impetus for The Hill and Allstate’s event last week was to support new legislation in the Senate that will require graduated licensing laws (GDL) for teens. Provisions of the Safe Teen and Novice Driver Uniform Protection (STANDUP) Act were recently added to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) Reauthorization bill in the Senate. The STANDUP Act requires minimum standards of graduated driver licensing (GDL) laws. According to Allstate, state and national evaluations of GDL programs have found crash reductions for 16- and 17-year-old drivers in the 20 percent to 40 percent range. I think if you were to ask a parent who is mourning the loss of their child from a car crash, they would support a law that would reduce crashes by even one percent.

So, why does this matter if you don’t have a child old enough to drive? I think it matters to people whose children are too young to drive because the little ones are watching and learning and repeating what we do. I regularly am surprised by what my girls, who are 3 and 6, pick up from me when it was something I’d said or done days or even weeks prior to that date. Clearly our kids are watching and noticing when we chat on our cellphones and drive or when we check our emails at red lights or respond to one quickly. And in the vein of not mocking people and then being guilty, I will admit, I do that. I tell myself it’s okay if I’m stopped at a red light. But it’s not okay because do I really think my girls are going to make that distinction when they are teens learning to drive? Do I really want to be guilty of do as I say, not as I do, when it comes to their safety? Not to mention, I take the time to purchase the safest car seat, learn how to install it properly and load them into their car seats for every trip, so why would I risk their safety by being a distracted driver?

Again, hypocritical, anyone?

I absolutely love  the idea another blogger, Meghan Leahy, proposed recently on this very same issue: she suggests we make it a family pledge to not check email, respond to email or talk on the phone in the car.  Here’s why I love this idea – because if my kids are holding me to it and they know the rules – then I am going to hold myself to it. Look, I know it was one of Oprah’s big missions last year but I don’t answer to Oprah. Continuing my confessional theme today, even the new law isn’t as likely to change my behavior as my word to my kids and their ability to call out  my infraction. And seeing as how I seem to be inadvertently raising two snitches, they will GLADLY call it to my attention.

What do you think? Care to join me in the family pledge? Finally, you can get involved by visiting facebook.com/save11 for information and resources on contacting  lawmakers, inviting family and friends to take action, and lending your voice to this vital movement. Even a few minutes on that Facebook page will send goosebumps up your body because the words from parents who have lost a teenager are chilling and sobering. I really am certain that no email or phone call is worth it.  At least none that I am receiving are….

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The Buck Naked Roaming Ninja

Can someone please add “Buck Naked Roaming Ninja Child” to the list of things no one warns you about before you have mobile children? Cause right now, that one is going to top the list in my house, winning the prize as most unexpected…and most hilarious…and also most annoying. This label didn’t just emerge over night, however, so let’s start at the beginning.

My youngest has devoted herself to defying the odds and surprising me with her physical stunts from a very early age. She started walking just after her 10 month birthday and within days, opted for scaling fences. Fast forward to stronger motor skills in the 2s and why wait for mommy to score a snack, why not just quickly scale the counter top when mommy walks away?

Sure…help yourself, kid
 

So eventually it became ridiculous that we were still imprisoning her in a crib, which she obviously would just climb out of wheneve she wanted too, and we moved her into a regular bed about 6 weeks ago. Everything was fine at first. Then maybe the total freedom and liberation that comes with a bed finally registered in her little ninja brain but she’s adopted some unsavory habits. Her morning wake time has shifted backwards, much to my chagrin, to more like a 5:20am-ish timeframe. My oldest woke at that time for years – like probably well over 4 years – and even now we have to strong arm her into staying in her room until 6:30am. She can often be found in our room asking why it’s “taking so long to get to 6:30” as we unpeel each eyelid and wonder who we tortured in a past life.

Since the early-wake times have started with the youngest, our days can begin in one of two ways: Jarring and Punishment or Creepy and Stalker. With Jarring and Punishment she deploys this technique: With her ninja like skills she creeps down the stairs unheard despite the old hardwood floors, flips on the overhead light, loudly declares “WAKE UP  NOW” and then starts  yanking our covers off the bed.

It’s so pleasant.

When opting for Creepy and Stalker technique, again her stealth ability to soundlessly navigate through the house, gives me no warning as I emerge from the bathroom ready to head to the gym, only to discover a shadowy creature lurking in the doorframe of my bedroom, making no sound, as if she is stalking her prey. Let me tell you, before coffee and fresh air, even a petite 3 foot creature unexpectedly waiting for you in shadows can scare the crap out of you.

Eventually, beaten down and exhausted, I resorted to purchasing one of these “Tot Clocks” based on the recommendations from some friends and WM readers on the super awesome, totally amazing if you are missing it, Wired Momma Facebook page. By the time I purchased the Tot Clock, money was no object. I was willing to pay anything if it could stop the madness. Tot Clock arrived on Friday and we activated it before bedtime, mercilessly repeating to her that if she wakes and sees the bunny still sleeping, it means she needs to go back to sleep, and we optimistically set it for 6:30am before the bunny could switch over to awake time. True, it has been only 4 days, so it is too soon for me to declare #failure because the sleeping bunny in no way is luring her back to sleep yet. But a change has occured.

Dear bunny...can you try a little harder to get her back to sleep?

Instead of employing one of her cruel techniques to immediately wake us up once she’s awake, she instead roams the house like a night stalker. Usually buck naked. Often in search for her beloved and filthy pirate shirt that’s been worn for 4-5 consecutive days. One morning we found her quietly sitting in the living room reading Halloween books. It’s anyone’s guess how long she’d been sitting there.

Could any of us have imagined how strange children are before we had them? Anyone care to bet whether my little ninja returns to sleeping to at least 6:30AM before thorn-in-my-side-why-do-we-still-have-to-do-this DAYLIGHT SAVINGS arrives?