Category Archives: Husbands

The Marital Bed O’ Love

Gather round kittens, you are getting a special treat. TWO KT postings today. Lucky Day! Don’t get too spoiled and greedy, however, because I might offend some of you with what I’m about to say. And I’m prepared to do that. Because you come to KT knowing that I call it like I see it and I don’t look back.

 BABIES DO NOT BELONG IN YOUR BED.

The NYT ran a story on co-sleeping and you might note that it is currently the most popular story on their site:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/01/garden/01bed.html?em&ex=1172984400&en=32adadfc38121cb7&ei=5087%0A

Now, c’est vrai. I am not a doctor. I’m not a millionaire from the booming success of my consulting business where I teach parents how to sleep train their babies and get babies and toddlers out of their bed.

And I caution you, I have yet to experience the joys of a toddler escaping from their crib at night and landing in my own bed. I have heard that this happens and I expect it to happen chez moi. After all, my breath smells like roses in the middle of the night, why wouldn’t darling daughter want to partake in that?

But seriously. Let’s be serious for a moment.

Kitty-Time believes that co-sleeping begins when babies are just that, babies. And if you are a parent, you know how easy and real the temptation is to just bring the tot into your bed at 3am when they are crying and crying and crying…and back and forth from your room to theirs is just miserable and well, hell on earth. And you just want to make it stop. And you know that bringing them in to sleep next to you, will make it stop.

If you have a child, we’ve all been there. If you are one of those annoying freaks who claim their baby was sleeping through the night at 2 weeks, then go away. And I’m wishing evil and bad things upon you right now, karma or not.

Back to the story at hand. Co-sleeping. It is a slippery slope, kittens, and once it starts, it never ends. Once you start that habit of bringing that sweet, swaddled, cooing babe into your bed, that babe gets used to it.

I’m here to tell you. Babies are smart. They are also creatures of habit. Oh – and they’re very good at manipulating you because it becomes emotional. I’m not suggesting that your sweet 6 month old has the mental capacity to know that you are a sucker and will throw down your life for her, so a little crying on her part, will result in her desires: sleeping with you. But they are creatures of habit. And why wouldn’t they want to be cuddled up all nice and cozy between mom and dad, if given the choice.

 SO DON’T GIVE THEM THE CHOICE.

Stand firm, dear readers. Don’t break down, even though there are plenty of times when it is the easiest thing to do. Because I assure you, dealing with breaking them of this habit is far more traumatic than the painful treks back and forth from your room to theirs. Once they get a little older and wiser to the world, they do have the mental capacity to manipulate you and get what they want if you don’t stand firm.

And also, don’t forget, your bed is your bed. Not only do you need sleep as much as the rest of us do, but you also need to have sex with your husband.

I know, I know.

Most of you are laughing out loud and saying “really, I do, do I?”

But trust me, you do. Because even if you are tired and still kinda chubby from the baby and maybe haven’t showered in a while, be honest, once you get into it, it’s fun. And well, it’s important for the health of your marriage.

And a good healthy marriage is just as important for mommy and daddy as it is for a good, healthy baby.

And so, dear readers, doubt me or not.  But I’m right on this one.

Nanny Spy Games

The high stakes world of hiring and training a new nanny is one that involves quick-decision making skills, finely honed gut instincts, and a willingness to get your Jimmy Choo’s a little muddy. Those who make slow decisions and are too much of a ninny to spy, need not apply. C’est vrai.

And for those of you on the edge of your seat for a nanny update chez moi, the latest breaking news is that we did, in fact, hire a nanny. Mais oui! I can hear your deep yoga exhalations of great relief, happening, across the land!

For an insider’s look into the fast-paced, high stakes underworld of hiring a nanny, read on, dear kittens. It is not for the faint of heart.

First, to all of you indecisive, slowsky’s out there – step aside and know this, when attempting to hire a nanny who meets all of your criterion, the good ones all share two traits:

  1. They want to work and now. They don’t have time to waste for you to think on it a bit. If you think you have some special unique benefit to offer that will buy you some time, think again. We all do.
  2. Someone else is lurching in the dark corners of your nanny’s email inbox and voice mail, waiting to spring and hire them the second you turn your back and take a minute to mull it all over.

So, back to hiring our new nanny. How we found her is truly just plain weird but we found her. She is legal, she speaks great English, she will continue speaking Spanish to our darling daughter throughtout the day, she came with glowing reviews and good experience. And she passed the ultimate test, our daughter.

Which brings me to last night. To add to the stress of the week, I arrived home only to take one look at the baby and know she was sick. Then I touched her forehead and thought I might have gotten a third-degree burn. Turns out the MMR shot they get at 15 months can spark a fever exactly 7 days after they receive the shot. And well, that is precisely what happened to my baby, complete with a 103 fever, her highest fever to date.

And so, the new nanny arrived for her interview,  I knew immediately that I would like to hire her (recall my earlier posting on trusting your gut instinct), and as part of the process, I made up an excuse to leave the room so that I could spy on her interactions with my daughter.

The real test was – how would darling daughter with her 103 temperature respond to this virtual stranger in my absence? In retrospect, I couldn’t have asked for a better test – a better coincidence couldn’t have come my way – a sick baby faced with a prospective new nanny.

So back to my test, which who am I kidding, was most likely not that subtle or discreet. Darling daughter was happily sitting on nanny’s lap, reading her musical Elmo book, in my absence. Clearly new nanny is up to it.

But here is the real lesson in today’s posting, dear kittens: Spying.  Any self-respecting mother spies and coordinates ambush visits to the house when a new nanny is present until a comfort level is reached. Not a one-of-us is above lurking in bushes, peering in windows, and generally behaving like your creepy neighborhood peeping tom. Additionally, ambush visits and random acts of spying should intermittently continue as time passes and comfort levels are reached with said nanny. Note to the CIA – locate any neighborhood mom if you need an expert spy.

But dear kittens, what is bothering me now is not our decision to hire said nanny, it is the continued emails I keep receiving from other prospective nannies that I reached out to yesterday afternoon. After-all, one never knows how an interview will turn out, so I kept the emails and phone calls going.

And so here I sit, surely I must be more relaxed because we have hired a new nanny and she seems fabulous. And yet, my mind is racing and my stomach is in knots each time I receive another email from another contender. What if she is better? What if she has more experience? What if I like her more? How will I ever know?

The most recent one congratulated us on finding our new nanny, wished me luck and ended her email with “kisses to your baby.”

Be still my heart.

How could she not be perfect?

Do I bring them over to satiate my curiosity, or do I just let them know the position is filled and move on? Will it continue to gnaw away at me? Have I really become this person? Have I really become a second-guesser? A doubter? Is it really moi? Have I suddenly become a commitment-phobic man? How can I go from making such an important decision, rather quickly and with such confidence one day, to entertatining the emails from other nannies today?

And on that note, you better believe that I have my plan of ambush home visits drawn up, alerted the generals, and am ready to move full steam ahead with the nanny spy-games next week. Dark glasses and trench-coats, need not apply. Spying mom’s aren’t afraid to get their heels a little muddy.