This is the question I found myself wondering after a particularly difficult morning with a grumpy toddler and non-cooperative husband. Is it just age that defines someone as a toddler? Or is it behavior?

Because if it’s behavior then I’m inclined to go out on a limb and suggest that the American husband is fighting in the ring with a 2 year old to be named World’s Heavy Weight Championing Toddler, on some days.

Does anyone else agree with me?

Do the following behaviors sound familiar? And if so, can you pass the pop quiz and answer which person in the household behaves this way, toddler or husband:

1. Resisting rules.

2. Acting out when questioned why breaking the rules.

3. Getting mad about going pee pee on the potty (ha ha – I’m throwing you a bone with one easy one because it’s still early)

4. Not wanting to eat breakfast at the table but rather on the couch in front of the TV (now that’s a trick question if I’ve ever seen one).

5. Taking off clothes and just leaving them wherever he/she feels like it in whatever room he/she is in. (another difficult one)

If you find yourself thinking you could answer both toddler and husband for at least two of the above five questions, then my friends, I think we can all agree that there are times when the husband and the toddler are going neck-and-neck for who has perfected the best toddler-isms.

Now, I’ll throw the husband a bone – they have had more years to perfect such behaviors than our little ones, so really, they ought to be better at it, right?

But see, my question is WHY.

For the love of God, WHY do our husbands insist upon making our lives more difficult on certain days? As if managing a grumpy 2-year old in the midst of potty training isn’t enough of a challenge before 8am, why must we also have to find ourselves reprimanding our husbands?

I believe the following threat came out of my mouth this morning “If you refuse to consistently help me discipline her one more time, you are making dinner every day for a month or there’s no dinner.”

I mean – honestly. Why does it have to come to this, I found myself wondering as I contemplated if it would have been more effective if I had threatened no sex? These are not things I want to hear coming out of my mouth directed at my husband. I just want peace in the land, partnership in teaching our child how to behave like a civilized member of the human race. My quest is not epic. These are not the stories made for the next heroic action film. Mais non.

It is quite simple and by the email banter I’ve seen flying across my desk all week, I know that I am not alone in this.

I found the drug Tramadol 100mg in 2019. I was taken to ICU after the car crash. When I woke up, I felt a very strong pain.

So why does the husband do this? Why does he fall back on what is easiest rather than following through on what he knows needs to be done?

YES – I realize that allowing the child to snack in front of the TV, and do the drive-by grazing of her breakfast, for example, is MUCH easier than battling with her once again over why she needs to sit at the table and eat like a big girl if she wants to eat. Trust me, you better believe I get it, but that doesn’t mean she gets what she wants. And yet, I can turn my back and what do I find?

I find her snacking on some toast in front of the TV.

So kittens, I ask you this, what is the best way to respond to the rule-violating over 30 year old toddler in your house?

You got it….pop quiz time again:

a. Calmly and politely remind him that we have discussed the rules that we will together, and separately, implement with consistency with our child.

b. Question him as to why said child is allowed to break the rule in a stern voice as you then go deal with the broken rule and temper tantrum child and then not bring it up again.

c. Make idle threats in anger as I just might have done this morning.

You tell me. So far I have tried all three approaches and I’m not sure if any of them work.

It’s a rare day when I am pleased with a segment on motherhood on the Today Show. Unfortunately I missed the segment on “Pushin’ Presents” this morning but a friend reminded me of it and well….there’s a story about it on their web site:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21101071/

And so first, let me say that I think the phrase “baby present” is much more desirable and easier on the ear than “Pushin’ Present.” So moving forward, we will refer to it as a baby present.

That being said, I know there are two schools of thought out there. One is that well, you receive a baby present after you have a baby – and this gift should come from your husband or partner to you. The other is that it is ridiculous and why should you receive such a thing?

I’m thinking we can all figure out who falls in which camp…over in one corner we have the women advocating for baby gifts and in the other we have the husbands wondering WTF.

So once again, I will take it upon myself to comment.

It is my belief that once you endure 9 or 10 months of pregnancy..and then you get that baby out of you – however that baby might come out – you are more than deserving of a gift. See, the American Husband – he can just show up one day, help hold your leg back for however long it takes and bam – he gets a baby.

But you – need I get into all the things you go through in order to bring this child into the world? If you don’t know yet well, you’ll find out soon enough.

I also believe that while the husband might think that purchasing a gift for his wife is nonsense BEFORE the baby is born, even if you’ve had a difficult pregnancy, I firmly believe that once he witnesses precisely what you go through to give him this child, he’ll quickly change his mind, all the while thanking the good Lord above that he is a man.

If you are still pregnant and doubtful that this day of enlightenment will ever shine brightly upon your husband, fear not kittens, just trust me. Of course, if you are foolish enough to not want your husband in the room because you don’t want him to “not desire you” or “see you that exposed” – well then you’re an idiot and I don’t feel sorry for you if you don’t get anything. I am of the belief that your husband helped get you in this situation – he sure as hell is going to be there to witness what you have to do to get out of this situation. Why should he get off scott-free? It’s bad enough that his boobies will never engorge.

So, now that we’ve established that you’ve more than earned a gift, let’s discuss what this gift might be and how you go about getting what you want.

First, you might have a husband who is a masterful gift giver and will rush off and purchase you something extravagant or sparkly and just dazzle you in the moment of surprise when he presents said gift. If that is the case then bless you. You deserve it.

This might not be the case, however, so then you are left wondering – do you sit around and hope it’s a good one or do you chime in?

Ladies – again – you’ve endured enough – if there is something that you have your eye on, then don’t be a martyr, SPEAK UP. Communicate this to your husband. In my personal situation, I was really hoping that my darling husband would just blow me away,  but he just felt overwhelmed. I still don’t know if before I went into labor, he actually thought he was going to get me anything, but he certainly must have changed his mind and he felt like it was too big of a decision to make on his own.

So off we went together, me, husband, darling new daughter and all my extra baby weight, off in search of what this gift would be. It didn’t feel overly romantic at the time but again – I’d been through enough and at the end of the day, I received something very lovely.

Which brings me to the final point – this doesn’t need to be a gift that breaks the bank or puts you in debt. Hell, supporting a child will do that enough. But it should be something meaningful and with the best intentions, you might actually believe that you will impart this gift to your child one day when he/she is old enough.

Of course, that might just be the new mommy love talking in you. The hardened, tired parent of a 25 year old might feel quite differently but we don’t need to worry about that right now.  Hell, the hardened tired parent of an almost 2-year old already feels differently about that on some days.

All I’m sayin is that at the end of the day, if momma’s happy, everyone’s happy, and on the days when you’re particularly exhausted or pissed off at your husband, it just might help a little bit to look down and admire your baby gift instead of that muffin top that you can’t seem to get rid of.