Ahh..the holidays! That glorious time when all the streets are a-glow, children are all behaving as good as they can in the hopes that Santa will bring them lots of treats, and our kitchens smell like cookies and egg nog.

Right?

Indeed….maybe on TV…or maybe in your house….but mine…..only sometimes. It is with good intent that we all make holiday plans but sometimes, sometimes, the best laid plans….right?

Case in point. On Saturday we had tickets to take darling daughter to see Elmo – Sesame Street Live. We took her last year and she loved every minute of it, so we decided to take her again this year because we knew she would just love it.

I forgot to print directions out to get to the show before I left work on Friday so I emailed my darling husband and requested he print them out before leaving the office.

Friday evening I asked him if he printed the directions (and called to order the ham for his family Christmas dinner we were having Saturday night…he offered to order the ham…and I reminded him several times throughout the week to place the call). He didn’t print the directions or order the ham. I was incredibly annoyed.

Saturday morning, I noticed darling husband on the computer, quickly accessing directions to the Elmo Show and jotting them down. I had this gnawing feeling that I should go check the directions myself and also write them down but that seemed so annoying and micro-managing that I refrained.

I also refrained from commenting further on the Christmas dinner ham. I figured, if we don’t have a ham for his family’s Christmas dinner, well then, we don’t have a ham. There’s only so much a gal can do in a week.

So, things seem to be moving along. We are all packed into the car, ready for the drive to the exciting Elmo show. Darling daughter is decked out in a pink and red Elmo track suit, my mother is bundled up in the back seat, darling husband and I are buckled up in the front. We are leaving in enough time to anticipate holiday traffic clogging the roads but still not miss any of the show. Life is good. We are excited!

Then I take the time to read the directions and though it’s been one full year since we were last at this location, something just seems totally wrong about the directions. I start to question them, husband starts to get annoyed. Toddler starts to fuss. My mother starts to pick at me and tell me it’s fine.

Then suddenly we are exiting off the Beltway and onto the Dulles Toll Road..and for those of you that live in Washington, we were headed to the Patriot Center at George Mason University. I was 100% sure we needed to instead be exiting the beltway onto 66 West.

At this point, I am LIVID. Husband had two things to do in the course of one week. TWO things….and were either of them done? No. And when one of them was done, it was done incorrectly and at the last minute. And it was such a simple request.

I mean, I was beyond the point of breathing out the anger, I had steam coming out my ears, my head was spinning in full circles and I was breathing fire.

My sister was able to reroute us after a quick phone call and I tried to keep my mouth shut as I seethed in anger in the front seat….until my mother continued to pick at the directions and then my husband chimed in to question the new directions and then I was pissed off at both of them and suddenly I was shouting “Screw you!” to darling husband…with my mother and child in the back seat…..and I’m pretty sure I attempted to kick him out of the car…that he was driving…..as we sat at a traffic light next to Tysons Corner Mall…..and I yelled at him for never doing anything and I do everything…..and as this screaming match was happening…..with my mother in the back seat….I found myself wondering……

Is this what the holidays is really about?

I mean……here we are….on the way to Elmo Live……and we cannot stand each other and are screaming…and my mother is, instead of just keeping her mouth shut, chiming in and making comments…and worse – siding with my husband! A woman who has been barking at her husband for 40 years……she’s not in it for sisterhood…she’s making it worse!

Is this my life?

Is this all really happening?

Is this what Big Bird and Elmo would want of us, en route to see them perform? Is this the Sesame Street Way? What would Santa say?

Because I don’t know about you but I was pretty sure I was leaving only coal in my husband’s stocking and returning all his gifts as soon as the Elmo Show was over with.

I should also note, that while all of this was occurring, I could completely see the humor in it. The endless humor in the image of a screaming family despising each other one week before Christmas en route to see some dumb Sesame Show about being good and all that crap.

I mean, it’s funny, really.

And isn’t this what inevitably happens to all of us at this time of year? Does anyone come away unscathed? Does anyone survive a full holiday season with way too many family members around and too many kids hopped up on sugar and napless, without at least one screaming fit? Isn’t this the reason for the season?

Whatever the case, we still have two weeks to go. If nothing else, it’s hilarious blogging material after the fact.