Category Archives: DC Parenting Blogger

Dial N for Neuroses

When naively considering all the ways motherhood might change me, as a first-time preggo, what I never considered were the random, and admittedly even obscure, neuroses that would crowd my mommy brain.  I’m not worried about quicksand sucking us all down or alien invasions on my trip to crazy town but shadowy lurking perpetrators are part of it…

Are your neurotic ideas in here?

So after my uber-long post on Monday, and after yesterday’s historic #earthquake (where I learned a few things about myself..more on that later) today I will offer you a rare glimpse into the mind of my genius, or I mean, my neuroses sponsored exclusively by motherhood. Prior to children, the closest I’d come to considering the likelihood of improbabilities happening to me was when watching an action adventure movie with a friend, we concluded we are slow and not real thin, therefore we’d be one of the first to die in a horror movie.

Neurotic Idea #1: Don’t think I am Susan Smith

I travel the Bay Bridge all the time – my parents live on the other side of it. This summer it was rated one of the scariest bridges in the world. So how does a gal not worry about what would happen if her vehicle goes careening off the edge of a bridge and hurling towards the water with both of her children in the backseat. Does this thought have me flirting with crazy? Or am I just thorough and well-prepared?  Again, I am no Susan Smith. I am not thinking about driving my kids off the side of the road or bridge and into a body of water..but in the realm of wost-case scenarios – what do you do if your car goes hurling off the side and plunging to the water? And it’s all the more complicated if you have more than one child…I have two…but what if I had three….how do you get them out and safely? Who do you go for first? What does that say about you as a mother if you are picking one before the other?  Somehow conversation over July 4 dinner with my siblings prompted me to confess, for the first time, this five-year long fear that has been haunting me. And I sucked them into my crazy – are you sucked in? My brother-in-law oddly knew that we all should travel with this device to help crack open the windows of the vehicle (I think we know what I will be giving everyone for Christmas). My sister later emailed me a link to this page offering a tutorial on what to do in the event your car plunges off a bridge into a body of water…..so now I am prepared. Aren’t we all so grateful for the Internet and its ability to feed     calm our fears… Don’t think I won’t enjoy knowing that I’ve sucked you in though….

Neurotic Idea #2: Shadowy Lurking Figures

This fear has lessened since I’ve added to my brood, and since they’ve grown bigger and louder and more argumentative, but especially in those first few months of motherhood, I was totally terrified that someone would steal my kid. Particularly in the middle of the night when I was fast asleep. Again, now that they are feisty and talk-back and argue, this fear keeps slipping away because  – do you really want them? But when the babes were small and helpless and mostly quiet and made cute cooing noises, this fear was very real for me. I’ve also stopped watching 10pm TV so I have fewer crazy and paranoid ideas.

Neurotic Reality #3: Acts of Nature

So in the midst of the historic earthquake, I realized I kinda suck in times of crisis. My younger one was napping upstairs. My older one sat on the sofa and stared at me, nervously asking me what in the world was happening and what do we do. Now, I wasn’t quite to the shoving old ladies out-of-the-way and shouting “SAVE YOURSELF” panic level, but I was a little freaked out, and quite slow on the uptake regarding what the hell to do. I really feel certain the earthquake lasted longer than 45 seconds or maybe all of my thoughts were working in super slow motion but it felt like an eternity. I was slow to move her to a door frame (how are we really supposed to know what the hell to do when we live on the east coast? Here’s where you could argue that paranoid parents should probably consider all worst-case scenarios instead of just talk about them….) And then I was caught up in the dilemma of what to do about my younger one. Again – the crazy bridge diving fear coming back in another form!  Did I dare go wake her to save her life unnecessarily and then risk she not nap all afternoon? Or do I leave her up there while I saved myself and my oldest by standing in a door frame? But what is riskier? Waking a sleeping 2-year-old or earthquake injuries? See how this quake had to be longer than 45 seconds?

I remained in the door frame with my eldest.

So when the ground under my feet and my children’s feet starts to buckle, I learned that I just might suck when the paranoia becomes reality…..

What are your paranoid ideas sponsored by motherhood? I know I can’t be alone.

Today’s Topic: Moms, Politics & Social Media

Do you think there is an unspoken bias against young mothers in the media, in the workplace, in politics? Do you recoil when female political candidates are asked who’s taking care of the kids? Are you socially active online? Do you talk to your kids about politics, the elections or voting? Odds are you answered in the affirmative at least once in the above questions. If so, then today’s Wired Momma expert is the one for you. I offer you local mom and political pundit Joanne Bamberger, well-known online as PunditMom and newly published author of “Mothers of Intention: How Women and Social Media are Revolutionizing Politics in America.” I devoured her book in anticipation of our interview and felt I could have peppered her with questions endlessly for hours. Her book is ripe with hot topics, issues of interest to mothers across the political spectrum and loaded with fascinating research and insight into the importance of mothers in the political process and influencing our children and change online.

Joanne's Book

In Chapter One, you talk about how motherhood compels many of us to become political and the growing influence of women online impacting business and government. You offer so many great examples of women who have impacted change but I’d like to hear your thoughts on one in particular, Kristen Chase, founder of Cool Mom Picks and later The League of Maternal Justice. I had absolutely no idea Facebook once banned photos of women nursing  and that she took this issue on or that she had a role in shedding light on the dangers of BPA in baby bottles. Tell us a little about this and also, do you see anything else trending as a hot issue that women are forcing change online, to the perceived benefit of our families?

Sure. Kristen Chase is a classic and wonderful example of a woman online who has not historically been politically active. Then she became a mother and issues started resonating with her in a way that they just hadn’t before. Facebook apparently didn’t ban images that groups who are pro-anorexic were posting but they banned images of women breastfeeding  their kids. Kristen knows how to reach moms of young kids and used her savvy to get mothers involved politcially and influence change. Facebook did change their terms of service. I think what’s important to note is that this is an example of how being political and being an activist online means something different to everyone. You don’t have to tackle candidates and their issues, specifically, to be politically active. I think an example of an interesting issue that is really bubbling right now and moms are actively engaging is the discussion of McDonald’s and their recent decision to shrink the size of fries in Happy Meals and include apple slices in the meals. Of course, many people question whether government should even be involved in personal decisions like what we feed our kids, but this is a fun one to track.

In Chapter 2 you talk at length about raising political children. I especially enjoyed this chapter because I’ve wondered several times how, as a democrat and socially liberal person, I’ll feel if one of my daughters ends up like Alex P. Keaton in Family Ties – all buttoned up reading the Wall Street Journal op-ed page over the breakfast table. But you make great points about raising kids to think critically and you list a wide variety of books out there to introduce school-aged children to the political world. Can you give us some advice on raising politically active children and creating an environment that welcomes differing opinions and discussion?
 
Personally, in terms of the political books for kids out there, I just don’t think I could give  my daughter a book that villifies either side. The reality is, parents love to focus on helping our kids become critical thinkers but is it right to then have a different set of expectations when it comes to political views? I am always careful of what words I am choosing when talking about politics around my daughter – and we are political junkies at home. It’s important that we are prepared to answer questions like “What does it mean to be a Republican or Democrat” without villifying the views of one party or the other. Other tough questions I’ve faced from my daughter were during the 2008 campaign. We had talked so much about Hillary’s campaign and the idea of the first female President but then came Sarah Palin on the ticket – so her logical question was “Why not her? She’s a girl.” So I really had to think carefully about how I wanted to talk about what Sarah Palin believes in and give age-appropriate examples to her when answering why this woman but not that woman.

That is an excellent point and one that I haven’t even considered yet. My oldest will be old enough to ask slightly more sophisticated questions in the next campaign -and I’ve been stumped by the basic “How did I get out of your tummy” question – so without some careful advance thought – I don’t know that I could coherently answer the “Republican or Democrat” question in meaningful terms to her. This is really helpful in terms of preparing to talk with our kids before the next election. So let’s move to the chapter I am most anxious to discuss with you – the “Who’s Raising the Kids” chapter. I, for one, attacked Sarah Palin on my blog during the 08 campaign over this question. On one hand, I think that women are quick to talk about how motherhood is a job – in and of itself – and how we take on more work than men and our husbands – so if we bill motherhood as a job – then is it totally fair for us to say it’s unfair and sexist to ask women, whether they are politicians or not – these questions about who’s handling the responsibilities when there are kids at home?

I think if we ask all the politicians this question, then it’s not sexist. But we don’t. For example, when Debbie Wasserman Schultz was named head of the DNC, there was a big article in the New York Times and the picture of her that accompanied the piece was her in a pink sweat suit and the first paragraph was about her being a wife, mother, lunch packer, Congresswoman and political fundraiser. Contrast this to when Tim Kaine was named head of the DNC, there was a photograph in the New York Times of him with the President. He’s also a father of three young kids but it wasn’t even noted. So, why don’t we ask that question of all candidates who have small children? I really think this is more of a media coverage issue and the media are so stuck on this story of women with young kids because it’s an easy story to write. Personality driven politics are always the easiest to write about. I mean, why are we all obsessed with Amy Winehouse, where is the twitter outpouring of people dying in Somalia? Nobody raised the question to Obama when he was running and he has elementary aged kids. It is still unspoken that it’s the mom’s responsibility to worry about the kids. And we have to look at how the rest of us are writing about it as well. Do we fall into the same analysis, ultimately questioning if these powerful women should be political because they have young kids? I think there is an undercurrent of bias against moms with young kids, not just in politics. Certainly many women have experienced it in their work – questioning their commitment and time abilities because they have young kids at home and the moms are responsible for the main portion of care giving.

I’m thinking this discussion of a bias against mothers with young children is worthy of multiple blog topics and discussions. And one I’ll certainly be more careful about discussing as this next campaign heats up. I eagerly read your research showing that even such progressive outlets like NPR found a serious  lack of women’s voices in their own reporting, let alone the lack of female op-ed columnists. What is your advice to other women – what should/can we do to help change this?

There are two schools of thought on this — one is to increase the number of women who submit op-ed type pieces to traditional outlets (since one of the reasons fewer women are published is that fewer women submit) and make ourselves more available to those seeking out commentators, and the other is to build our own outlets for commentary and expertise.  While some fear that we then create our own women’s “ghettos,” where our writing and opinions can be further dismissed, I think we need to go at it from all angles.  That’s why I’m starting a new group site for women’s commentary called The Broad Side.  I think we just need to overcome our fear of feeling like we need to be complete experts in a field before we put our opinions out there, and realize that we already have much more expertise on so many topics than we give ourselves credit for.

One of my closest friends from college interned for a Member of Parliament back in the early 90s. At the time, her Member noted that little girls in England all grew up with a female role model as Prime Minister and obviously our little girls here in the US have yet to see that. It seems there is one female candidate in the running for 2012 and one that, in my opinion, sets us back on issues not forward. Who do you like for the Republican contender in 2012 and do you foresee any women, in either party, as serious presidential contenders beyond 2012?

As a pretty liberal Democrat, I don’t think I can say I “like” any of the Republican candidates who are coming forward for 2012.  That’s sad because there was a time when more moderate Republicans were interesting as candidates to Democrats.  As for serious women contenders in 2012, I know many will disagree with me, but I think Michele Bachmann is a much more serious contender than most pundits give her credit for.  I think many in the media and political word don’t grasp the undercurrent of dissatisfied conservative women who look at Bachmann as a long drink of cool water after years in the desert. I believe both parties discount Bachmann at their own peril.  I don’t think she can make it to the White House, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she ultimately gets the GOP nomination.

As for Democrats, obviously no one is seriously going to challenge President Obama for the 2012 nomination, but I am confident that Senator Kirsten Gillibrand of New York is eyeing the possibility of running for President in 2016.

It will certainly be fun to see how the next election plays out. Now, let’s switch gears and talk about publishing. I think it’s amazing that you’ve published a book – let alone a book on such an important and serious topic. Tell us – what do you know now that you wish you’d known then – about writing a book and getting it published? I, certainly, am guilty of having probably overly romanticized notions about the process.

Oh, where to start!  I was very lucky.  I was just starting the process of trying to find an agent (I still don’t have one — anyone?) when I was introduced to the publisher Bright Sky Press.  They were immediately interested in the project, so I was able to skip one step many authors must go through.  Having said that, in light of just how hard it is to get a book published traditionally today (as opposed to e-books or self-publishing), the most important thing to do is network.  Find out what contacts your friends and family might have who could make an introduction.  Have you met anyone in the publishing business at a professional or blogging conference? 

And as for the topic, this isn’t new advice but it is important — make sure the topic you pick is one you LOVE and can stick with for a couple of years, because things will move much more slowly than you think and you have to stay excited and engaged with the project to make it happen.

Thank you to Joanne for her time today and for such a lively discussion. I appreciate the insight she’s given us and some of the important things, at least I am left, to consider, both with how I talk about women in politics and how I talk with my girls about politics. I urge you to buy Joanne’s book, not just because it’s loaded with great content and essays from other women bloggers covering the political spectrum, but to support this local mom and popular local blogger. Next week’s expert topic will take a very different and itchy direction…but certainly timely with Back-to-School around the corner. I’ll be talking with Karen Franco of Advice on Lice. Yes, friends, it’s that time of year.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road…to the Puppet Co

Hilarious portrayal of the Munchkins

When it’s this hot out, there’s certainly no place like (an air-conditioned) home…or an air-conditioned theater. So, while you’re sweating through the dog days of August, I’d urge you to put on your sparkly red shoes,  pack up the older kids and head indoors for the Puppet Co’s rendition of “The Wizard of Oz”. This delightful, hilarious and campy production runs a succinct 55 minutes long and is guaranteed to entertain kids Kindergarten on up. We took a lovely reprieve from the oppressive heat last Sunday and headed to the show. I took only my eldest and two of her friends came along. My daughter hasn’t yet seen the movie and I think at 5.5 she’s a bit young for the book but we’d discussed the plot and the characters in advance and she was geared up, particularly excited to see Toto.

The actors in the production use a combination of puppet styles throughout the performance, ranging from tabletop puppets, Dorothy is a marionette, to masks and costumes (for the lion) and moving-mouth puppets. Hands down, the adult favorite in the room was the way the munchkins were portrayed, which was hilariously executed by adult faces popping up from underneath the stage, wearing small costumes around their chests. Honestly, we couldn’t get enough of it and the exuberance of the actors on this opening weekend was palpable.

Variety of Puppets used throughout the production

The children are guided through Dorothy’s epic tale of trying to return to Kansas with the help of the same 4 actors taking on various roles and costumes. For the timid out there, the cast and crew did a good job of using music and one scary puppet to portray the Wicked Witch of the West. Her character is on stage for a brief period of time and one of my daughter’s friends, who is open about not liking to be scared, was happy to just sit close to her mom as Dorothy out-witted the evil witch.

Though the life lessons and morals woven throughout Frank Baum’s classic were most likely lost on the younger ones in the audience, including my daughter, any older kids in the audience are likely to appreciate the themes of good conquering evil, finding comfort in home and friends and appreciating the wisdom, heart and courage we already have.  The younger ones will delight in the puppets, the colors, the well written script and if they are anything like my daughter, the cute small stuffed dog playing Toto.

The Puppet Co.  never disappoints and every detail was considered, down to the theater staff dressed like women from the 1900s attending the Kansas State Fair. I particularly loved that attention to detail. The show runs Thursdays through Sundays until September 4. Tickets are $10 for adults and children. And if you’re on the hunt for indoor activities for the younger ones among us, don’t forget the Puppet Co. has “Tiny Tots” select Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays at 10am, recommended for kids ages 0-4. Tickets are $5 each. Look for “Tales of Beatrix Potter” beginning September 16 through October 9.

Fans swarming Dorothy after the show

Disclosure: I was given tickets to the Puppet Co. to see The Wizard of Oz but my review is my opinion.

Disorganized Diva

Spoiler alert: There is a fabulous chance to win some amazing products at the end of this post……

I pride myself on cloaking my true disorganized life. Perhaps I am like a hoarder but for the disorganized? In terms of planning things, staying on top of trends or tracking the latest restaurant opening in DC, I am totally organized. I am ON IT. You better believe I was one of the first through the door at the Nordstrom Half-Yearly sale. I’d never lose track of that date. But when it comes to what lurks behind closed doors in my home? I suck.

Exhibit A: My kids playroom.

Can we even call this controlled chaos?

Somehow they still haven’t gotten the message that if they make the mess, they clean it up. When will this day arrive? Until then, I let it look like this until I can’t stand it anymore or they pull the following “Mommy, how about we go set up our grocery store in YOUR room.”

Uh huh. Because there is actually some open space in there. How about this instead: “How about you go clean up the disorganized chaos you created in YOUR playroom.”

Exhibit B: The inside of my kitchen drawers.

Am I shaming my self into doing better?

Note my failed attempt at organization in the top right hand corner – some kind of stupid holder for lids of Tupperware containers that seemed like it was a good idea when I was trolling the aisles at the Container Store. Probably some year on January 2 when I was totally committed to my New Years Resolution. Think I even know where the bottom of the Tupperware containers are that accompany those “organized” lids?

Exhibit C: My youngest’s winter clothes that she’s outgrown. Note I purchased the container from Target to store them. Note I moved the winter

At least this eyesore is in my basement.

clothes out of her room and down to the basement. Note they have remained in this kind of erratic pile since probably Memorial Day. Will I get to it before Labor Day? Doubtful.

Despite my failure as a home organizer and my secret wish to set on fire each and every Pottery Barn Kids and Land of Nod catalog that enters my home, unwelcome, and taunts me, mocks me and ridicules me as I look through the pages and wonder – WHO – WHO lives like this? And if you do and we are friends, I am declaring us non-friends until you do something about my house. Despite all of this, I still must keep track of the kids, the husband who is constantly on the road, the playdates, the docs appointments and soon enough Back to School Nights and our first PTA meeting. And the thing is, I like that kind of organization. The kind of organization I can write down.

Second confession of today: I DO NOT like to organize electronically. I’ve noticed the looks friends give me when we’re out and about, they ask for a free night for dinner or try to schedule a playdate, and I say, with my iPhone in hand, that I’ll check my calendar when I’m home and let them know.

Umm…..aren’t I holding my calendar, I see them thinking (did you know I am a mind reader? A disorganized one?)

I can’t stand keeping track of anything electronically, except email and celeb gossip.

So imagine my delight when my dear friend from grad school, who works for her family’s paper company, Blue Sky Home Series, sent me their new line of products that are now available in Target. Hello, she had me at paper. And then she really had me at Target, my home away from home. And then, in my final Jerry Maguire moment for today’s post, she really had me when I received the items and found this door hanger:

Do you love this as much as I do?

Ingenious! Goodbye worthless sticky note that falls off the door before I wake up the next morning and start packing the car and kids up for a long weekend. Hello sturdy door reminder that I can’t possibly not see as I am walking out the door. Dare me to leave the note in the adjacent photo for my husband next time we are packing up?

Turns out, Blue Sky conducted extensive interviews with Moms before developing this new line and the proof is in the pudding. These products are stylish, functional and affordable. I also really love the grocery shopping planner, with the needed items broken down by category in the store and magnetic strips on the back to hang on my fridge. My husband’s only complaint? They didn’t print the specific aisle where he could find these things.

My complaint? Perhaps he should go to the store more and then he’d know which aisle to find it….in his sleep……

So am I shamelessly plugging my friend’s products right now? Oh totally. But they are awesome, so I’d do it anyway. There are 14 products in the Blue Sky Home Series, all under $10, and all available at your local Target right now. The sampler packet I received also included the fabulous mousepad “Do Call Buy” organizer (I always need to buy something, right? Love having a reminder column for it) and the Weekly/Monthly Planner that also includes essential info pages and notes pages.

Love this grocery organizer

And lucky you, dear kittens, because you can enter for your chance to win a sampler of the Blue Sky Home Series…..all you  need to do is subscribe to my blog or “Like” the Wired Momma Facebook page….and then send me an email just telling me you want to be enrolled in the give-away. Do this by Friday August 5. Entrants can also “Like” the Blue Sky Facebook page for additional chances at winning. I will notify the winners by Monday August 15 . Winners will be announced on the Wired Momma Facebook page. I’ll also tweet it out. Email me at monica.sakala@gmail.com

Bottom line: even a disorganized gal has to have some level of organization with the kids, right? And I’m not ashamed of my love for paper products…..call me old school.