Before we get into our discussion for today, I first must address the latest breaking celeb news from yesterday…..”Who’s your daddy?”

That’s right, after months of torture and dragging it out, we now all know that Larry Birkhead is, in fact, Anna Nicole’s baby’s daddy. Does anyone else find themself wondering how that surfer dude is going to handle being a single father? Does he know what he’s getting himself into? Who else is going to be there to assist? I feel slightly alarmed for this child when I think about it, but we can all rest better knowing who her baby’s daddy is.

Moving on, today’s topic is movies. One of KT’s BFF’s inspired today’s posting from an email exchange we had earlier this week. I’ve glossed over the dearth of movies in my life since having had a baby but I think it’s time to address it head on.

I’ve realized the root of the problem is not, in fact, that I have a baby -and that is why I never get to the movies. The problem is with the movie TIMES.

First, let me set the stage. Darling daughter was born in the fall of 2005. During my pregnancy, the last movie I saw in the theaters was “Wedding Crashers” in about August 2005. The AC was broken in the theater, I was in the early stages of my third trimester and hotter than hell, the seats were old and really screwing up my already present lower back pain, and I thought the movie was TERRIBLE and about an hour too long. Perhaps my husband was hoping to actually hear most of the jokes during the movie, or maybe get a little heavy petting action in a dark theater – who knows. Instead, he got me griping in his ear and fidgeting the entire time. Good times.

Needless to say, we never went to a movie again for the duration of my pregnancy. And it took a few preggo massages for me to recover from the trauma of that hideous movie.

Darling daughter arrived and 2006 flew by in some kind of blur. I have seen one movie in the theaters since her birth and that was “Devil Wears Prada” last summer.

My husband, perhaps still scarred from the summer of 2005, has not seen a movie in the theaters since the fateful night we saw “Wedding Crashers.”

But upon further exploration of this topic, I’ve concluded that it’s movie theaters who are sabotaging parents with young children. Who, in their right mind, can get out the door and get to a 7pm movie when they have little ones at home? Not me, that’s for sure.

But then, who, in their right mind, can stay awake through a 9:30pm movie? I had a hard enough time with that before I had a baby, but now, there’s no way I can stay awake. Hell, I’m nestling into my bed by 9:30pm each night, I might turn into a pumpkin if I have to go sit in a dark theater at that hour.

So my question is this – what happened to the 8pm showings? Maybe they exist where you live but where I live, there is never an 8pm showing to be found. It’s like sabotage against parents. We could actually get out the door, enjoy a meal and get to an 8pm movie AND stay awake during the entire thing – if one such existed.

And then the issues becomes remembering what movies I wanted to see. So, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that getting to the theaters probably isn’t going to happen, so instead, I will rent the movie that piques my interest when it’s in theaters.

Enter mommy brain.

Three months pass, movie makes it to DVD, and by then, I’ve totally forgotten the movie, the cast, the plot, or any reason I might have wanted to see it, unless someone really hot is in it, like say, Taye Diggs. Then I can remember. But beyond that, I really can’t remember.

Even perusing the options on Netflix doesn’t really jog my memory. It’s almost like I need a notebook to jot down notes to myself about movies because otherwise, I’m like some kind of senile 90 year old that’s just arrived the country. “What’s that you say, dear? The movie with Will Smith? Ahh yes, he was very funny when he fought aliens with Tommy Lee Jones.”

Seriously.