Curiosity Killed the Parent

They say the average 4-year-old asks 473 questions per day.

That’s AVERAGE

In case you slept through undergrad stats class (and didn’t suffer through two more advanced stats classes in grad school), then allow me to remind you that odds are, your 4-year old asks more than that per day, if your 4-year old is curious.

And find me one who isn’t.

And so the day begins with questions…..we hear the pitter patter of her feet leaving the bed and making her way downstairs, into our room she rushes and what does she do first? Why knock up the overhead light switch to turn it on to its highest point.

Growth of a 4-year-old be damned – now that she can reach that!

“ARE YOU UP?” She asks….not in her inside voice….as the blinding and harsh overhead light comes rushing on.

One sleepy eye literally feels like it’s being pulled unglued as it cracks open and notes 5:51am on my clock.

Yes. Of course we are, why wouldn’t we be up?

And so begins a day of questions. One down, 472 to go….

So the most common question in my house is this: “Who bought me this?”
Are we raising a greedy kid? And how does she file away this information? Does she have a scale in her head, your status inching further up with each time your name is the answer?

Cause Santa is taking the lead. Thank god for santa….cause when it’s 6:02am and I’m on question 23 (most answers are made up), then “Santa gave you that” is my old faithful go-to.

Sometimes it is the Easter Bunny. Recently I invented the  Halloween Pirate……he comes and leaves spooky sprinkles in her oatmeal as a way to coax her into eating…he can slip into the house and decorate the top of her food without anyone noticing…and if she doesn’t eat it all…he won’t come back.

She has yet to ask me what will happen if he doesn’t come back but it doesn’t matter, this manipulation is working. So the sneaky Halloween Pirate came one day while she was at school and decorated the house. Sometimes he sends presents up from the basement after I take a load of laundry down….presents being things from the Halloween decorating boxes that I haven’t yet unloaded.

She’s stumped me a few times with questions. I don’t really care about space, so questions about the moon that stretch beyond its shape, are beyond my answering abilities. Being that I’m not a farmer or a vet, specific questions about what animals like to eat also elude me at times, particularly depending on the time of day and just how tired I am, so grass is my other universal go-to….like Santa…..

“What do piggies eat?”

Grass.

What do hippos eat?

Grass (do they even live around grass?)

Who bought me this?

Santa.

Curiosity killed the parent……that’s all I’m sayin…….