There’s so much to say with this week, the week of Thanksgiving.
Sure, I could talk about the mounds of stress we all feel building on our shoulders because there is
SO
MUCH
TO
DO
Over the next month.
Or I could talk about all that I have to be thankful for.
Which is a lot.
But you don’t come to me for sentiment and I don’t do feelings very well.
Let’s cut to the chase, tis the season for food, tis the season for festivus, tis the season for gift-buying, list making and cooking baking.
Pass the gravy, not whatever disease your kid is inevitably harboring right now. Happy Thanksgiving.
Tis the season for NOROVIRUS
I totally LOVE this headline from last year in England “CHAOS as winter vomiting cases hit 750,000”
Oh yes. Oh yes. We know it well. I am certain Norovirus is actually a form of biological warfare and it starts to rear its super ugly nasty viciously contagious head around Thanksgiving.
Here’s the thing about playing host to little children: They are rats.
No no. Not snitches. Well, actually that too, especially the older one.
Remember these scenes?
- The Bubonic Plague
My children have each managed to deliver something quite similar at major holidays…..
Look closely at that poor sad couple slumped down in the foreground. It’s totally you – probably next week.
You know all those lists circulating around Buzzfeed, this one should top it this week: You Know you’ve lived with a three-year-old when at least one holiday has been spent vomiting the entire time. We’ve been lucky enough to have two of those. The first time, our gift to my entire family on Christmas eve was the highly contagious disease in question: the norovirus.
Merry Christmas family! We brought the rat! We offer you a quick way to drop 5 pounds before New Year’s Eve.
#You’reWelcome. No need to send a Thank You note this year.
Really, I insist.
Two Thanksgivings ago, we were quarantined to our own separate table over Thanksgiving dinner because the day started with puking again. Naturally.
Everyone air kissed us and raised their glasses awkwardly in our direction, as if even making eye contact would inevitably infect them with the nastiness my child started the day with.
Quite frankly, when my mom circulated the cute, adorable, environmentally friendly electronic invite to this year’s Thanksgiving feast, I am a little shocked it didn’t include an addendum: You’re invited, leave the rats out back. And please wear your HAZMAT suit the entire time so as to keep your inevitable disease contained. We deserve this.
C’est vrai
-
Mandatory Holiday Couture for Parents Who Want to Remain Healthy
And so, moi’s wish for you this week, is to avoid hugging the toilet and spreading the highly contagious and seriously nasty vomiting disease among your family members. I am certain we aren’t the only ones who have passed this one around with the green bean casserole.
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