Let’s cut to the chase…July 4 sucks this year

As any true history buff knows (of which I am most certainly not), July 4 became a federal paid holiday in 1941. For 71 years, we’ve taken July 4 as it comes. Some years, we hit the jackpot and score a long weekend. But not this year. This year, let’s cut to the chase, July 4 sucks because it falls on a Wednesday.

Now, traditionally, Tuesday is my least favorite day of the week. Why? You ask.

Because Tuesday is weak. It’s not the beginning, middle or end. It’s just there. What real identity does a Tuesday have?  There is never any good TV on Tuesday. No one is ever like “Hey, let’s go out and have an AMAZING Tuesday night!” Tuesday is blah-day.

Obviously, we can thank Mr. Leap Year for helping us skip over doldrum Tuesday as our July 4 celebration this year….but that leaves us to Wednesday. Traditionally, no one is opposed to hump day. Except this year. You can’t really easily make a long weekend out of a Wednesday. You just sorta are stranded, drowning in the middle of the week with a random one-day off holiday.

Maybe this is the year that Tuesday becomes super fun because most offices will close early on Tuesday, so everyone can either meet up for happy hour – or more like it – spend their Tuesday, trying to get to their mid-week July 4 celebration fun, sitting in this:

When you're sitting in this next Tuesday....remember....Tuesday sucks

So what do you do for July 4? Do you just take the extra day off and obviously enjoy it? Do you try to go somewhere and figure – well – most people are going to take the last half of the week off, so I’m going to head to the beach for the first part of the week to dodge the insane crowds? Can you predict it? With July 4 on a Wednesday – it’s hard to gage – if you are a crowd-beating type of person who thrives off strategy….as say…I pretty much am. (Doesn’t mean I ever get it right but I put a lot of thought into what time I cross the Bay Bridge.)

Do you brave the crowds to keep the kids up super late to see their first fireworks – to then face down overtired children and grumpy adults heading off to work and camp on Thursday morning, totally irritated that July 4 can’t always just fall on a Friday?

And how about those fireworks? Do you dare keep the children up for them? Why can’t the big fireworks hit when the sun goes down in the fall – why must it stay so light out for so very long when your kids just want to see the show and you want to get them to bed? Damn our Independence Day for being smack in the middle of summer. The Founding Fathers did not think about small children at all.

I’m talkin’ to you, T Jefferson.

#NotATruePatriot

In review, today, at my own shallow convenience, I have thrown the following individuals and groups under the bus:

• The Founding Fathers for the time of year they declared our Independence (clearly we can blame the Brits too…and for fun, the Canadians too)
• Thomas Jefferson specifically
• The Continental Congress because technically we could be celebrating July 4 actually on July 2, which conveniently this year falls on a Monday (note: next year I will prefer July 4 over July 2 because we will be back to Thursday, thankfully)
• Pope Gregory X111 who in 1582 introduced the Western Calendar…and therefore is responsible for sunlight being very long in July…and the fireworks take forever to start……

So what do you say? Are you just sorta tossing July 4 up this year and looking forward to next year, when it’s closer to a weekend? Or do you not even care?

And do you actually like a Tuesday?

Happy July 4, true fellow patriots, I am sure.

Note: Of course Bastille Day falls on a Saturday this year. The French are better at everything. “Love” Moi on Facebook to keep up with the history lessons, the western calendar bashing and other important things.