Second Time….Last Time

Bonjour Kittens –

First, before I dive into today’s entry, how about a shout out to Obama, finally our party’s nominee! What an exciting time. And you have to hand it to Hillary, she is tenacious and though she didn’t get the nod (THANK GOD), she still surely inspired many younger girls that it’s possible – and for that, I have to respect her.  You know I’m an Obama Mamma, so yesterday just didn’t come early enough for moi. Now it’s time for the real fun and games to begin.

Speaking of fun and games, many of you know this already, but it’s now time for it to be a regular part of the KT blog – I’m preggo again. I know, I’ve blogged about how great just one kid is and why would I need or want to go through the ordeal of newborn hell again – but I knew the whole time that I would, it was just an issue of timing. I’m 14 weeks along and due the first week of December, which means DD will have just turned three, if I actually have this baby on time instead of 4 weeks early.

I knew all along that I was the kind of gal who needed to space my kids apart. Many people have them much closer together but that’s just not the best way for me or my husband – and we are thrilled with the age difference. I am optimistic that it will be manageable. For those of you with two kids out there, I’m happy if I just amused you.

So far, this second time around has been completely different. First off, I’m totally relaxed about it. I just thought over the weekend about how I haven’t lifted up one book on pregnancy. I feel a complete sense of peace because well, I have a pretty good idea of what we’re walking into.

I also feel a lot crappier than I did the first time. Either that or I just don’t actually remember how I felt the first time, who knows.

More important, though, is how managing a pregnancy and a full-time job is impacting my time with my daughter. I am one tired gal. And most of the time, I just am not as focused and into playing with DD as I usually am. Sure, digging for worms normally ranks as high as celebrity gossip for me – but I am just so damn tired that it’s really hard to want to get down on the ground and dig for worms enthusiastically.

My point – I know she notices. She can totally tell that I’m just not all there and that I really just want to go sit down on the bench and zone out.

This is a terrible feeling. There isn’t a lot I can do about it except know that I’ll turn the corner in about 2 weeks and remind myself that she’s 2.5 years old and will never remember that mommy was distracted for a few months of her life (or probably a few years once the new baby arrives).

But this is my biggest pregnancy challenge and complaint- just trying to muster the energy and focus to give my DD that she usually gets from me. It also makes me want to just quit working because I have more energy on the weekends because I can take a nap in the afternoon when she naps. So it just feeds the fire, the constant conundrum of – what the hell am I doing and is this job really worth it?

I’m sure I’ll be wondering that one many more times over the coming months.