That, dear kittens, is the censored version of what I sounded like the other day when I was super pissed off at my husband.
Curious?
I bet you are.
I’ve concluded that the American husband suffers from one shared trait. And bite me if your husband has never done this – oh- and also, I’m calling you a liar right now.
That shared trait is this: getting through life knowing that everything is just being taken care of for them. Now – don’t get me wrong – I don’t mean the big things like: salary, healthcare, loving the family, caring for us, providing, nurturing, being present. All that stuff.
I’m talking the small thing. And the cell phone generally plays a part.
Example – some evenings I am really annoyed by the time darling husband arrives home because well, I actually had NO IDEA that he was almost home. Why?
Oh, because he neglected to mention when he left, and when I call to inquire, usually the ringer is accidentally shut off or the phone is on vibrate so he has no clue I’m calling.
Meanwhile, over in reality land, I’m left wondering – how does he know I made it home? How does he know darling daughter is already fed her dinner, played sufficiently, is ready for bed and actually, would go to bed if she knew where her daddy were?
How can I get through a day not worrying about if daughter is being tended to, dinner being defrosted, and all is well? Really? Can someone sign me up for that life?
But like I said – that’s just a small example. But it’s a repeated one. We had a more exaggerated version of that very same scenario happen the other day – and again – I just can’t figure it out. I just don’t know, particularly when you are responsible for a life – how you can just “forget to call” or “not know the ringer was turned off.”
Me? I’m walking around constantly aware of what time it is, what needs to happen next, who needs to be where, and so on and so forth. The idea of just “Not knowing” where my cell phone is, let alone the fact that someone might be trying to reach me for any kind of reason, is just not something I have time to let happen. And it makes me CRAZY when he is inaccessible, no matter the reason I am trying to reach him – particularly when it impacts our daughter.
I mean – being that it’s 2007 – should I resort to carrier pigeons and smoke signals because the cell phone and even blackberry, sometimes, are useless?
As far as I’m concerned, since becoming a parent, anything can happen at anytime, and it’s just best to be accessible. So if you hear me screeching ROSDC:LXCE$LIHDSPLKIF!*Q****@$***DS !!!!
Oh, you know why, and odds are, you’ve been there too.
I wish they made a cell phone that would send a slight electric shock. I don’t think it would teach these dunce hubbies anything but it would make me feel better sometimes.
OMG MY boyfriend went to Montana for a week with his family and forgot his phone charger….to add we were in a huge fight before he left which made the situation worse..the worst is this past weekend he went away again and forgot it. BUT he said well I would have charged it before I left but I was on the phone with you and then I forgot to charge it YES BLAME ME!!! OHH the worst is that the phone will answer in his pocket and then I get to hear the inside of his pants…. such pleasure
LOL. I know those foul words! Since hubby and I commute together now, I am constantly trying to get in touch with him to see when he’ll be ready…. why – because someone has to let the nanny go home and have her own life too! Argh.
My husband does it too. I think he’s never terribly concerned because he knows I have a cell phone and that I have all the little details of life covered. My favorite is that my husband never worries about paperwork. Because he’s used to me handling it. Car registration magically happens by itself, bills get paid and health insurance disputes with the insurance company resolve themselves.
Too bad they don’t just make robots that could serve as husbands then you could control them and they would obey you and there wouldn’t be any problems because they would have the cell phone in their brains! Vous voulez commander!