Wired Momma

So – by now we all know that independence is one of the double-edge swords that comes with toddlerhood. I’ve read enough to know that I’m supposed to keep hold of my patience and just let my daughter put her own shoes on, or get undressed herself, to encourage that independence. We’re not quite there yet – she can take off her shirt but not the whole outfit, for example.

But on this rocky road to independence, we’ve made some progress and I’m learning a few things too. For the past 5 months or so, darling daughter has resisted, quite aggressively, any attempts on my part to hold her hand when walking around. What is problematic about this is that we live in a old neighborhood without sidewalks. The homes were built in the 30s and there was no reason for sidewalks then.

Well now, I can think of many reasons WHY we need sidewalks but the main one is obviously for the safety of the kids. You can see why DD not holding my hand is a problem because she definitely does not understand the danger of cars.

So – I bravely fought this battle with her and it seems I’ve won this one, after five months of perseverance. She now, very sweetly, will hold my hand when we go walk to see a fake bunny at the end of one neighbor’s driveway every night, without fail.

And something really sweet has happened along the way. Everyone talks about how you need to slow down your life when you have a baby and move at the baby’s pace and respond to the baby. But what about the toddler? I’ve found that by slowing down to her pace and walking, hand-in-hand with her, every night, to see this fake bunny that gives her endless amounts of pleasure, we end up on a 20 minute adventure to walk the distance of two houses.

She stops and notices everything along the way. She wants to inspect the leaves, the puddles, a doggie walking by, so we stop and we admire and gaze and soak it all in. The best part is when she needs a break by the time she’s reached the mid-way point of our neighbor’s house. So, we sit on the curb, and we just sort of watch things go by.

We talk about the cars going by, we talk about her day, we talk about the “hop hop” that is going to go “nigh nigh” after we see it and say “bye bye.”

And this toddler time is like my version of yoga. It never ceases to amaze me how much time we can spend just slowly soaking in the little things that I would normally blow past. So for now, I don’t mind moving at her pace each evening and just seeing what’s in store for us en route to the “hop hop.” It’s cathartic and it’s precious and it’s always an adventure.

Is it wrong that I find that commercial with the people dancing about how they have the runs, upset stomach or heartburn, amusing? I think I even found it interesting and amusing to discuss bowel movements before becoming a parent, where nary a day passes without talk of poop. Fortunately for moi, the talk has progressed from obsessively keeping track of numbers of poops and pees a day, to fretting over constipation and needing to use suppositories, to the shock of how the poop changes when you introduce food (yes, kittens, it does get worse), to now talking about poopie on the potty like a big girl.

We’re big time in my house. Big time poop talkers.

So, all this talk of bodily functions has gotten me to thinking about how much I prefer natural remedies to common problems over and above using medicine. Now – let’s be clear on a few things. I like medical doctors, I go to one, as does my husband and daughter. I like hospitals when they are needed. I despise people who don’t get their children immunized. And before we go any further, I am not a naturopathic doctor. I’m just a gal who has an opinion and you’re going to get mine again…it helps that I have a sister who is fully commited to natural remedies and a mother, who is also a nurse, and is equally as commited to natural remedies where appropriate.

So, let’s begin. Today’s entry is really meant to give helpful tips, particularly with the Fall and cold season around the corner. I’ve gathered together my resident experts (read: my sister) to compile this useful list of tips:

For those with a stomach ache: peppermint tea or putting ginger in your food should help. Also ginger tea is a great friend to you.

For those with the runs: blackberry root tea (while sometimes nasty) will help you faster than you can believe.

For those with constipation, yes, I’m talking to you preggo’s out there in particular: flax seed is your BFF. Grind it up and sprinkle it over your cereal or into your yogurt and you wouldn’t believe how fast it will give you the relief that you need. An added perk is that it helps fight prostate cancer, so I believe it should be added to the husband’s food. If your husband is anything like mine, no need to advertise that you’ve added it into the pancake mix….just do it. And when he boasts on how regular he is, like a champion horse, indulge him and his powerful digestive system. 

Also, I have sad news for you if you have constipation problems. I particularly hate sharing this with the preggo’s: you should avoid dairy. C’est vrai. Suggesting avoiding cheese on KT warrants severe punishment but sometimes sacrifices must be made.

Moving away from life without cheese, for those who feel a cold coming on: avoid sugar, it weakens your immune system, consume garlic like it’s going out of style (also a plus if you don’t feel like having sex with your husband, your stench is bound to offend at least him), consume Vitamin A for three days, and increase your Vitamin D intake.

If you, or your parents, have inflammation or arthritic problems, tumeric is your new best friend. C’est vrai. My own mother will attest to the relief its brought her severely arthritic fingers. Drop a tsp of tumeric into something, like yogurt, every day. Also pineapple helps, as does avoiding vegetables like potatos, eggplant, bell peppers. Cod Liver oil is also a help in the fight against arthritis.

And finally, in addition to eating your veggies and fruits, drinking lots of water and green tea, Vitamin D is a great vitamin to take on a daily basis because it apparently helps fight cancer.  You can find out more at: www.naturpathic.org

And, you don’t need to worry about making a special trip to Whole Foods (or “Whole Paycheck” as my husband not-so-fondly calls it), most of these items you can find at your favorite local Safeway or regular old grocery store.

Is the sky falling? I mean for real. What is going on this week?

In case you’re Sleeping Beauty and have been asleep all week, allow moi to be your Prince Charming and awaken you to a supposed grim reality of doom. Or, more realistically,  you always miss the news on TV due to Noggin channel in the morning and bath time in the evening, and maybe you’d rather catch up on celebrity gossip online than read the major papers (not that I would know anything about that, of course), then you might not have noticed that the world is ending this week for those of us with children. But apparently, it is.

See, just when I think I can’t be surprised by anything, apparently, I learn that I can.

So, not only are millions of toys being recalled by Mattel, then it goes and comes out that some baby bibs might contain lead:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/15/business/15lead.html?em&ex=1187409600&en=6083b53c77055276&ei=5087%0A

And then…and then….just when I think no more harrowing news about the pending illness and threat to our little lambs can come out, it turns out that all those times I’ve given our darling daughter little strips to help her congestion – seems that could kill her too:

 http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/16/health/16cough.html?em&ex=1187409600&en=785eece3709a3600&ei=5087%0A

So, if I were vulnerable and prone to mommy guilt, then maybe I’d be ending the week thinking I’m killing my kid through lead paint with the toys I’m giving her or when I’ve tried to help ease her congestion during the hideous cold season that is slowly coming upon us again. But really, I’m getting numb to it all. I mean – everywhere we turn, the sky is falling.

And along the way, I’m left wondering, how can they be sure? How am I supposed to believe that toys purchased BEFORE May 1st on the recall list are fine? Because I don’t know about you, but I’m staring down an entire series of Sesame characters that came inside darling daughter’s Easter eggs (which I purchased deliberately in lieu of chocolate…who would have thought that eating lead covered Elmo was going to be a worse decision that just letting her eat chocolate? I’m either poisoning her with lead or I’m contributing to childhood obesity). And so, those characters are all on the recall list yet were purchased in April.

Am I REALLY supposed to believe that they miraculously are fine if purchased April 24th but NOT if purchased a week later?  Are the distribution channels from China to the US really THAT precise and organized? I’m inclined to think….no.

I mean, how dumb do they think I am?

Furthermore, on some level, what’s the point now? Cookie had a blue hat on when he was retrieved from said Easter egg hunt. Now, here we are, four months later and my beaver kid has chewed on him on a daily basis, so his hat is worn off. His hat was digested months ago.

She’s almost two and she’s survived cold season with a few strips to aide her congestion. And I can’t even read the article on lead in bibs. I swear there is no toddler with a full mouth of teeth that drools more than my kid, so how in the world can I keep up with lead in bibs when I go through 6-10 of them a day? I go through more bibs than diapers.

So what’s my point in all of this? My point is this – enough already. By my check, I’m a parent who loves my kid, just like everyone else, and I want for her to grow up happy and healthy and if I were to obsess over every single thing that comes out on such a regular basis, I think I’d become some kind of agoraphobe who forces her daughter to live in a bubble.

There’s a point to everything and I’m thinking I’m going to probably toss most of the toys on the list, they’ll make it to the trash can each time I see daughter gnawing on one, and along the way, I’ll look forward to baby happy hour and hope for the best.

There are so many glowing preggo’s around me – I swear, new babies are due to arrive in my circle of friends every month from September through February. Everywhere I go, there’s a beloved preggo.

And while we’ve chatted about preggo’s many times here on KT, I think it’s time to share some of the fun stuff that has nothing to do with alarming bodily fluids or growing nipple sizes.

What I LOVE to hear about is the whacky pregnancy horomones and the things you do as a preggo. The random inexplicible tears on the husband, lashing out at strangers who ask you how much weight you’ve gained, the crazy eating. All of this stuff. I LOVE IT. It’s so fun to hear about because it’s like each one of us is partly taken over by some other force and we do things as a preggo that we just might not have otherwise done.

Either that or we let our true selves out a little bit more because who, in their right mind, is going to challenge a preggo?

Well, I can think of one. So here are some of my favorite pregnancy stories and I’d love to hear more. These things seriously make my day.

For the purposes of full disclosure, I will admit that I took on an old man with a cane when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy. And you better believe, I won.

What were the circumstances, you ask? Well, darling husband and I decided to join Costco. So it turns out you have to wait in line to get your picture taken and join. The line was about 20 minutes long and if you’ve ever been to the end of your third trimester, you know that lines and preggo’s go together about as well as Hilary and Monica Lewinsky.

So, we were the next in line and what happened? Some old man with a cane walked up in front of me – like he shouldn’t have to wait in line because he was old and needed a cane.

Well, he picked the wrong person to cut in front of and I just might have said something like “you might be old, but I’m pregnant, so get to the back of the line.”

Yes, it’s possible I did that, much to the extreme mortification of my husband. But the best part was the woman behind the counter was equally enraged and was like “Oh, I know you didn’t just cut in front of the pregnant lady.”

And back to the line he went. I still don’t feel bad, actually, though I might when I’m 90 and need a cane.

Another fav preggo story is not mine but I was there. Many summers ago, I lived with two friends for a few months and my girlfriend was pregnant. She has a great sense of humor and we could laugh at her silly pregnant habits pretty openly. One day she and I were driving back from the grocery store, she was driving, and we were heading to her house, meanwhile she drove right past her house because she was so preoccupied with digging all the candy out of the bottom of her bag that she could get her grubby hands on.

We laughed and laughed and laughed as I tried to gently point out that we just passed her street.

Then there’s the old preggo at a wedding story. Indeed – this was a sight to behold. So there we were, my group of BFFs in DC, at a friend’s beautiful wedding ceremony in Richmond a few years ago. One dear friend was three months along, the first in the group to get pregnant. She was gorgeous, all dressed up, decked out in Jimmy Choo’s and had a beautiful Kate Spade bag to go with her whole outfit. As the evening wore on, I glanced over at her only to note her Kate Spade bag open and what were the contents of such a classy bag?

Why, none other than some trusty TUMS and a bag of M&Ms…..surely there had to be some Chanel lip gloss and a little mirror in there as well? But that didn’t matter, the rest of us were falling out of our chairs laughing (while still making eyes at the bride’s unbelieveably hot cousin that she failed to mention, preggo included). Meow.

And if you live within 10 miles of  a Buy Buy Baby, I bet you don’t know a preggo that hasn’t broken down in tears, at least once, in Buy Buy Baby, including yourself.

As for inappropriate comments – I think the biggest preggo complaint is the ongoing public commentary on how much weight you’ve gained. I don’t know a preggo, including myself, who really didn’t get fired up about that on a fairly regular basis. I don’t really know why people feel compelled to comment on your growing size but they do. Including strangers. And obviously it gets worse in the final weeks of your pregnancy where you visibly get larger by day’s end..and if you’re anything like me, gain 5 pounds in one week.

My husband equipped me with the best one liner to use, which I never did, but it made me laugh and alleviated some anger, along the way. His advice was, in response to the old “Wow, you’re so much bigger than the last time I saw you!” was to say
“Yes, I was thinking the same thing about you.”

For real. Just imagining the look on the person’s face if I retorted like that made me feel better.

I also really wish I’d made up a shirt that read “Just because I’m pregnant, doesn’t mean I’m nice” and “Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I give a shit about your kid.” (that was directed to strangers, obviously, not friends’ children. Like a person on a plane. I don’t give a rip about your kid.)

Right?

Right.

So kittens, I’d love to hear some of the crazy things you did as a preggo or any witty retorts you might have had about your ever-increasing body size.  The sad reality is that if you’re pregnant, somehow you become fodder for public commentary, like it or not. Maybe we should ban together to help abolish it like I believe we should ban together to abolish all nonsense talk about mommy guilt?